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I'm not a pessimist, I'm a grown-up

by spinelli


Things get tough, sort of like meat when it’s dried into jerky, or mathematics. The thing is, things get tough, and that’s just life, so there’s really no use in messing around with it or getting yourself into a fuss about it because that’s just sort of the way things go, and it’d be best for us to simply work our way around it.

But then come those times when you think you know which way to go, and it all seems to make sense that way, and you’re happy about it. But with the way people talk and the way things seem to go, it’s as if all your happiness is a silly little way to look at things, and so they suggest themselves as more mature than you, more worldly wise, which is why they can take all the crap given to us by the world and just sit with it, or something, and just take it like it is and deal with it. As if you weren’t dealing with it too.

Because you can certainly deal with it all too. You know what pain is like. You see what people are like. And with a careful level of inclusion and detachment, at the most delicate and calculated moments, a person might be able to really figure some things out about sadness, or happiness, and a lot of the weird little sub-categories and associated rhythms of those kinds of things.

It doesn’t matter though. It turns into a tough game, no matter of your determination, your skill, your inherent and persistent understanding of happiness, of trying to keep your head up in a world of miserable, lifeless faces. It’s those opponents on the other side that make your offense into defense by talking mindlessly about others, turning teammates against one another, getting angry at the inconveniences, concerning themselves with the perceptions of society, thinking so very little about the bigger picture, about how clouds float, or whether or not there is any more to life than accomplishing a set list of tasks and receiving the ever-available pat on the back by the whole world watching.

The real tough bit is the part when you start to think it’s not so bad. It’s notsobad. But there’s hardly enough time for a shrug of the shoulders before you turn around to look at where you were and where you’ve come to and now you’re looking real sad because there’s not much of a difference between you and everyone else now.

People don’t look so much like people now but like idiots. It doesn’t matter if they have a family or a life, you just want them out of your way, you want their money, you want their admiration, but you want them to go away and to stop bothering you, you want them to shut up, just tell them to shut up, just talk about them behind their back to get out your little bout of anger, but it turns out that anger isn’t a little “thing” so much as it is a constant state of being.

Truth is, you can’t remember when it all started, and you wish you could go back but you know that’s not how life works. It’s tough trying to get the whole world to be happy like you and to have it make you sad like the rest of it. It’s tough going along with it for a while until suddenly realizing you really wish you could go back now to when you were happy. It’s also tough remembering the kind of person you are in being that kind who likes to move forward onto things because it turns out you can’t sit still for too long a time.

Speaking of which, the whole thing actually kind of freaks you out because you wish you had any idea how all of this would come about when you were younger. You wish you could have warned yourself that people are going to make things tough, but just keep on thinking how you do, OK? It just sort of seems like you’re all different people now, you and your past selves. What are you supposed to do about the future ones?

Well, just do what you've always done, I guess.

Float.


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103 Reviews


Points: 451
Reviews: 103

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Sun Jul 28, 2013 7:08 pm
wordsandwishes wrote a review...



I like this, it reminds me of a TED talk or something... I usually review poetry, so I'm used to the whole 'up for interpretation' kind of writing. I actually like that kind of writing, but until I read this, I hadn't realized how much I missed 'getting to the point' kind of writing. This piece is just so... raw, and blunt, but written beautifully. It's like looking straight into someone's thoughts.

I know there are a few nitpicks, but I noticed you commented bellow that they're intentional, so... no problems there. Actually, come to think of it, I can't really find anything I didn't like about this.

I really like the way you ended it particular:

Well, just do what you've always done, I guess.

Float.


It tied it all together really well.

Keep it up!

~w&w




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Mon Jul 01, 2013 5:34 pm
Deanie wrote a review...



Hi Spinelli,

Well, this was something interesting to read. The message here is pretty clear: you're telling people that when life gets tough, they just need to keep going and try and aim for that happiness. As you put it, "float" through the tough times, although it'll be difficult. I still got that message although you seemed to flick through ideas in your paragraphs without completely finishing them off. You go from talking about a tough life to happiness, then to sadness and then concluding it all. But for every paragraph it's be nice if the last sentence was conclusive of the point that is displayed in that paragraph. Then the last paragraph can bring all those ideas together (which you've already kind of done) and state your personal opinion.

I liked how you had "float" as a summing up word there. It's something a bit new, because although your referring to it all through the text you never really state it until then, which makes it important. And basically it's what your trying to encourage us and yourself to keep on doing. No matter what are emotions are, because emotions are temporary and unreliable. People who overcome angry emotions and find peace are often more wise.

You wrote it well, but I would really like to see the paragraph ideas stand out. Maybe even use topic sentences for the first line? (Oh man... I'm sorry... this is starting to sound like an essay!) Apart from that, it was a nice read with a good message. Now just go and edit to make that message more clear, and more memorable, like Skolir said.

Deanie x




spinelli says...


Good words. Just gotta point out though [not just to you :], there is method to the madness of the structure. If it isn't structured, be it syntactically or contextually, it's probably deliberate. :B



spinelli says...


Good words. Just gotta point out though [not just to you :], there is method to the madness of the structure. If it isn't structured, be it syntactically or contextually, it's probably deliberate. :B



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Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:41 am
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skorlir wrote a review...



Things get tough, sort of like meat when it’s dried into jerky, or mathematics. The thing is, things get tough, and that’s just life, so there’s really no use in messing around with it or getting yourself into a fuss about it because that’s just sort of the way things go, and it’d be best for us to simply work our way around it.


Your pronouns don't all match. "yourself," "us." Try replacing "us" with a generic "you."

The work seems angsty. Which means you must carefully control your expression to maintain either some maturity or, if not maturity (which is subjective anyway), good clarity.

This seems to be much of an exposure piece. Feelings. Observations. Realities. Like a blog. I'm curious to see how it develops.

But then come those times when you think you know which way to go, and it all seems to make sense that way, and you’re happy about it. But with the way people talk and the way things seem to go, it’s as if all your happiness is a silly little way to look at things, and so they suggest themselves as more mature than you, more worldly wise, which is why they can take all the crap given to us by the world and just sit with it, or something, and just take it like it is and deal with it. As if you weren't dealing with it too.


I am beginning to lose your train of thought. I see sitting, talking, comparing; being patronized. But I do not understand the point of the paragraph, the big picture. How does the happiness lens relate to being patronized?

Consider your organization here. This work is clearly emotional, but its structure verges on a rant. There are moments of clarity, which are exceptional and show potential, and then stretches quickly read over, lost in transition, of uncertain purpose. It seems stream of consciousness, and not all of consciousness is worth reading. Consider removing pieces to clarify the main points of your argument.

a person might be able to really figure some things out about sadness, or happiness, and a lot of the weird little sub-categories and associated rhythms of those kinds of things.


This shows beauty, but it is veiled by unnecessary chaff-words. I call words like that "The Egregious 'P's." You can read a little about egregiousness and why it is terrible here.

Anyway, please read that, and then comb through your work for egregious chaff, and discard it. If every sentence thereby revised doesn't sound sharper, stronger, better-worded, then I'm wrong. But I'm not.

no matter of your determination


One of the most common and despicable mannerisms is preposition misuse. You suffer from the condition here. Remove "of." Don't take it personally. Just remove the preposition. We'll pretend this never happened.

of trying to keep your head up in a world of miserable, lifeless faces.


Rephrase. You are making a point, but it really deserves its own sentence. And remove "of."

You really begin ranting here, and you lose some coherence. While you are attempting to state valuable and sometimes interestingly worded information about life, it is getting lost in the structure of the rant. Break apart most of your sentences. Use more periods. Fewer run-ons. Solidify your points.

But there’s hardly enough time for a shrug of the shoulders before you turn around to look at where you were and where you’ve come to and now you’re looking real sad because there’s not much of a difference between you and everyone else now.


Run-on.

And the whole next paragraph is a bit of a run-on too.

You can greatly strengthen and powerfully focus your feelings and convictions if you more carefully structure your sentences and more carefully choose your words. There are the makings of wisdom, but they are lost in the flood of emotion.

The next paragraph loses me. This is where, if I were not reviewing, I would probably stop reading.

The theme here is pretty simple: You are happy. The world drags you into its vortex of sadness and homogeneity and turns you into something other than yourself. You want to go back. You "know life doesn't work that way." You can't. So forth.

Now bring something new to the story. Say something more powerfully, differently, with greater potency, with elaborate and complicated metaphor and analogy. Stop asking questions at the end. It weakens your piece. Instead, refine your feelings and the manifestations thereof into something complicated and unique. The capacity is there, but crude.

Everyone floats. Try to swim.

Be forever hortatory,
~Skorlir




spinelli says...


I try not to swim because clouds can't swim, but I gotchyou.




“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees.”
— Lao Tzu