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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Mature Content

I Love You, Mr Dawson

by KirstyLeigh


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

I don’t care what it takes! Just get me him on the phone! No I will not hold!" I swept my brown fringe to the left side of my forehead and sighed. I was the leader and boss of a very well-known coperation called “Style’s Hotels" It was a major company that had to make sure all hotels were at a high standard for guests who came to stay. It had thousands of hotels across the country and was very well known for its popularity and its respected and friendly staff. The hotels were all five star rated and always ensured that visitors had a comfortable and welcoming stay. With hotels all over the world, I, Mr Dawson, was always trying to make sure my hotels were the best to welcome in new guests and help them have a pleasant stay with my specific hotels. I was also a millionaire, being the boss of this coperation and always looking for a new way for making money. I am quite arrogant, I am also quite friendly but, only when I want to be. I can be very aggressive and I can also be hard to reason with. It’s my way or the highway.
The coperation I worked at was fitted with white marble floors throughout. All my staff were dressed in black and white uniform. The young women wore a black waistcoat, black skirt and a white shirt, while the men wore a white shirt and black pin striped trousers. I was very successful and passionate about my business. Before anyone I would put my business and work first. I didn’t spend much time at home, with all the money I had I didn’t need to even worry about going home. I could take my private jet and fly over the world and stay in the world’s best viewed summer houses. I was earning so much money that I could afford the best things in life. I was living the dream. Limos, fancy cuisine, expensive wines, summer houses, private parties, private helicopters and jets, you name it. I didn’t need to worry about spending my money since I had so much to spend. I was also single, that didn’t bother me, that’s means I have more money for myself.
"Look here! I need to speak to Mr Archie Swift. He was meant to attend a 3pm meeting and he didn’t show. It is now 6!" I shouted so loud that my voice echoed down the corridors of the building. People looked up from their desks and up the corridor to see what was wrong with me. I slammed my hand down on to the desk as I listened to the woman on the other end of the phone making up pathetic excuses.
"Well if he isn’t in his office right now then where is he? I can ensure you that he isn’t here, otherwise he would have made my meeting Miss Wright" I was now getting frustrated. I stood bolt right and began to undo my black tie that I had tied around my neck. I threw it on to the desk and closed my eyes, my temper now rising through the roof. I slouched over the desk still on the phone, I opened my eyes and began to breathe gently.
"Look Miss Wright, I have just explained to you. I will not repeat myself. I have better things to do than repeat everything. You should have been listening the first time. I will call back when you have decided to pull your finger out of your ass! “ I hung up and slammed the telephone down on to its holder. I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair, I shook my head and then began to rub my temples with my right hand. I had enough of people not listening to me. Why did I have pure assholes working for me? I didn’t need anyone helping me anyway so why was I still employing people?
"Mr Dawson sir, Here are your letters" Said a feeble voice from the doorway of my office. A young girl stood in a short black skirt and white shirt, she was holding a few letters in her hand. She had short blonde hair that was bobbed and she had bright green eyes. I looked up at her, my eyes meeting with hers. She blushed a little as I looked her up and down. She wore a lot of makeup and wore a gold chain around her neck.
"Thank you. Can you leave them on top of my briefcase please" I said calmly pointing across the room to where my briefcase was situated. She smiled and shuffled over to my briefcase that was sat upon another desk near where she was stood. I swivelled myself around in my chair and looked out of the large window and gazed out upon the city. It was hard work being a "multi-millionaire". I folded my arms and looked down from the high risen building as the cars passed underneath me. I watched the clouds forming around the tall buildings opposite me, it was calming. I took a deep breath in, and then out. Then in again, and back out. I un crossed my arms and finally felt at ease. I had been so pissed off recently. People missing meetings, forgetting to hand in paperwork and something that really ticked me off was putting paper work on my desk and mixing them up with my paperwork. That grinded my gears to the point where I just wanted to scream. I turned back around to see that the young woman had gone and had left the letters where I had advised. I picked up the blue mug that was resting on my desk and took a sip of its warm contents. Mmm what a lovely coffee. A well-dressed man came to the door way of my office. He had black spiky hair and hazel eyes, he wore a white shirt with a black tie and black trousers. A long black tie was tied around his neck and was perfectly straight from his neck and down his chest. He held an armful of paperwork in his right arm.
"Mr Dawson? Mr Archie Swift is on the phone for you" He said with a friendly smile. My eyes widened.
"That bastard" I scolded. I quickly snatched the phone back up from its holder and held it with a tight grasp to my right ear.
"Hello? Ahh Mr Swift. I believe you missed a meeting today good sir. Mhmm, yes. Oh really? Well next time I suggest you make your car go quicker. Sir I know it wasn’t in your control but please. I’m sure if you gave it red bull or something it will go faster. Sir I know that is impossible, but frankly I don’t give a shit. You missed a meeting therefore you are fired. Family? Sir I couldn’t care less. Good day sir." I calmly put the phone down and smiled. I put my feet up on to the desk and leaned back with my arms behind my head.
"That would teach him to mess me about" I mumbled to myself. I had the power to do anything and everything I wanted and I wasn’t afraid to speak my mind. I could fire the whole cooperation if I wanted to, I couldn’t care less. I looked up at the ceiling with a smile and turned to my left and caught site of the radio. Still with a smile I leaned over and turned it on. It was about time I could use a little music to cheer myself up. A favourite song of mine came on the radio, an old classic that got me singing every time.
"I’ve got you, under my skin" I sang quietly. My foot began to tap with the steady beat on top of the desk. I shut my eyes once again and swayed slowly left to right. Frank Sinatra filled my ears with positive thoughts.
“It’s time, I do, just the thought of you makes me stop, before I begin, because I got you, your under my skin" I belted throwing my arms up in to the air.
"Um Mr Dawson sir" Said a quiet voice from the office door. I quickly pulled my feet off of the table and placed them firmly on to the floor and immediately turned the volume on the radio down. The lady stood at the door was a middle aged woman with auburn hair flowing down her back and over her shoulders. She was quite tall and was holding a brown handbag.
"Yes Mrs Lewis?" I answered in a professional voice. Shit, how long was she there for?
"Your limo is outside waiting to take you home sir. Sorry if I interrupted you sir." She smiled slightly.
"Ahh thank you Mrs Lewis" I replied once again while brushing my hands through my hair. I stood up from my desk and rushed for my jacket that was hung up on a hook at the side of the office entrance. I put it on over my arms and snatched up the letters up off of my briefcase and tucked them in to my pocket inside the jacket I had just put on. I picked up my briefcase and left the office. Walking down the corridor taking brisk steps towards the elevator, all my employees were all staring at me. All the women were smiling at their wealthy boss, me. I pressed the elevator doors button and waited. Once the elevator had arrived I stepped in and watched my employee’s as the doors closed and the elevator started to go down.


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214 Reviews


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Tue Jun 25, 2013 3:06 pm
artybirdy says...



It's a great start, I'm enjoying it. There are some obvious errors, but nothing too major.
Well done, and keep it up!




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Tue Jun 25, 2013 5:14 am
DannieInkblotHanson wrote a review...



I like it! I like it very much! Here, I wrote you a review thing!
Your character is fantastic, mostly because of how completely realistic he is. By the way you've written him, there are so many ways he can change and grow and develops from this point. It's wonderful. I also like how you've portrayed how his employees view him and how subtle that was. Granted, he did seem like kind of a dick at the part where he fired that guy, but that actually made me more curious about how the girl is going to influence him.
The girl! You gave us just enough of her to get that she is interested, but we know almost nothing about her, so it gave us a solid hook. This first chapter is a great intro using just character rather than a lot of plot. Which is good.
One thing you should think about is the structure of your sentences. The flow seemed a little choppy; you could work wonders by combining a few shorter sentences. Also, plenty of commas were missing, which also impacted how it read. Those are both easy fixes and I'm sure you've got them.
Another nit-pick thing is that Dawson describes himself at the beginning. By having him describe himself, it doesn't give us readers room to make our own impressions of him, and it boxes him in a little. And you might want to tak the story out of bold.
Also this is totally random but as I was reading this guess what I was listening to? Under My Skin by Frank Sinatra. Holy coincidence. Also, Sinatra for life. Props to you.
Okay, bye!




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Mon Jun 24, 2013 7:10 am
Andrea2676Marie wrote a review...



I think this is an excellent start to a story! Please continue to expand and write more chapters on this idea. It's an intriguing start, and I really want to read more! I look forward to reading more of your work! I suggest you just re-read through this a few times, perhaps out loud to edit some sentence flow. Out loud works the best, because it's similar to how your readers are understanding the story. I also think you maybe should make more paragraphs out of this, your paragraphs are kind of long. You did a great job on quotations. Keep up the good work, I would love to see the characters develop further. As always good luck to you and your writing.




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Sun Jun 23, 2013 6:17 pm
ArcticMonkey wrote a review...



Hi Kirsty! Here to review :}

So firstly, nitpicks in the spoiler:

Spoiler! :
"I don’t care what it takes! Just get me him on the phone! No I will not hold!"


I was the leader and boss of a very well-known corporation called “Style’s Hotels"


The corporation I worked at was fitted with white, marble floors throughout.


I can ensure you that he isn't here, otherwise he would have made my meeting, Miss Wright"


I could fire the whole corporation if I wanted to


All the women were smiling at their wealthy boss, me.

The 'me' isn't really needed.

Once the elevator had arrived, I stepped in and watched my employees as the doors closed and the elevator started to go down.


What I liked about this was that I liked the message you were trying to get across sort of about what i's like to be a millionaire or own a multi-million corporation. I don't think this is done a lot, so this was a nice idea!

There were however quite a few things I'd like to pick up on. Firstly, I thought your opening two paragraphs were rather odd. In all honesty, it felt more like an advert to this hotel rather than a description. I think to have a description is good, but this was a bit too much, or rather, saying unnecessary things. I think we need to get an idea that this hotel is top class without all the boring descriptions. And then with the second paragraph, all the stuff about the the employees wore was a bit odd too. It seemed like a long list, which also makes it quite boring because the sentences are all the same length. I think you could include some of the uniform, just not all of it because it actually also makes the paragraph really long. There were a lot of cases of were you told rather than showing. For example:

I am quite arrogant, I am also quite friendly but, only when I want to be. I can be very aggressive and I can also be hard to reason with. It’s my way or the highway.

Okay, so the fact that this character is arrogant is an exciting trait however nobody calls them self arrogant really. And secondly, as readers we want to find out that he's arrogant through his action and his dialogue rather than a one sentence thing.

Another thing is I didn't really get what was going on. There were so many long descriptions half the time that I barely understood the story line. I think that it has quite a lot of potential, but the actual plot needs to be better told. The story line was over shadowed by very long descriptions which I don't think were actually needed. And the story line that I did pick up on wasn't very exciting and I think you could do so much more with it, what with your descriptions and characters.

A last thing I'd like to pick up on is characterisation. I did mention before with the whole arrogant things that it's a good character trait in a story, however I don't think it was really shown in any of his actions really. I think you needed to expand on your actions, and use this arrogant-ness or whatever other traits you want your character to have and reflect that in the dialogue and actions. Also, more on dialogue, only use dialogue when it is needed rather than making big, long lists for things.

I hope this helped, I think this has loads of potential. Please PM me with questions or if you'd like another review!
-Arc x





Be careful or be roadkill.
— Calvin