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140,788 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
" Crisp warmness,
(you could alo devided it like Nolle said as well,that's the more commmon way.)
chilling coldness,
crunching leaves,
rebirth promised,
beautiful darkness,
long nights,
short days,
warm sweaters,
golden haze,
falling slowly,
leaves piling,
springs calling,
cold nights,
heavy rain,
steady warmth,
fall springs,
springs here,
falls end,
the end."
FORMATTING. It makes your lovely poem you have here more approachable and visually appealing
Second off, although repetition is indeed a very useful poetic device, it doesn't work very well repeating end in the last two lines . I would replace the second end if I were you with something else.
I liked the opverall idea however and thought it was really nice and simple
Good work
~Kat
Hi!
This poem is very beautiful!
I'm just curious to why you put this poem in a paragraph,rather than a stanza. I've been seeing a few poems converted into paragraphs rather than stanzas, and I'm just curious to why. I don't know if you just don't know about stanzas(which doesn't seem plausable) or you did this on purpose.
Anyways the poem is short and sweet. You used some good details throughout the poem. Just next time, use stanzas.
~NoOnE
Herro!
I really like this poem! It's short and sweet. Wow, a cluster foop of thoughts come to mind while I read this enigma for a poem. What does it all mean? What is the end? How did it start? You know, that's something I love about poems like this. They make you ask so many questions and you have to search deep within the poem to find the awnswer. Because of this poem's size, this is even more difficult, something else I love. Keep up the good work!
~Dark.
Hi there!
I like this poem. It's short and sweet and really gets your point across. Your imagery is really good. I think there's imagery in almost every single line. Props to you! Overall your flow is good. Every line works well together and continues on from the last one and leads to the next one. There isn't any spelling or grammar mistakes that I can find so good job on that!
That being said, I want to help you take this and make into the form of a poem. Sometimes YWS screws up the formatting so you may have already had it in line and stanza form. If you did, I apologize. You can ignore the rest of this review. But if you never put it in line and stanza form, this review is for you!
This is how I think the poem should look based on your words, rhythm, flow, all that:
Alright, so the way you wrote this poem would fit perfectly in this three line stanza format. The way I have written it out is just a suggestion. I was also thinking of a five line stanza format, but I chose this one instead. That just goes to show you that there are many different forms that you can create a story using. You could even take a predetermined form like a sonnet or a limerick. What you've done, and what I've done to it too I guess, is called free formed poetry. You probably already know that so I'm not sure why I just wrote that...
Anyway, the form I came up with seems to work well with your words and your vision. There are a lot of opposites you list in your poem. For example: "crisp warmness, chilling coldness" and "long night, short days". So with three lines in a stanza, you can really focus on the opposites. That would take up two lines and then the third one will be the other things you said. If you look at the third stanza I laid out, there are the two opposites and then "warm sweaters" which is kind of like an afterthought I guess. You seem to have one for every stanza except for a few.
Like I just mentioned, there are a few stanzas missing that third line, specifically the first and fifth. I couldn't find a line in your poem that would fit there so I just put a line there. If you do decide to keep my suggestion of this form, you'll want to add some additional lines there to finish out the poem. That way it can be an even eighteen lines and will fit in the three line, stanza form.
Just remember that what I've written in this review is just a suggestion. Like I've said (I'm sure numerous times in this review), feel free to use my form, but if you don't like it than use another form. It really doesn't matter to me. I just want to help
This is a good first post. I really enjoyed reading this poem. Can't wait to read more of your pieces!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hi there veelyn and welcome to YWS!
First of all, just to get this out of the way, did you originally have this divided into lines and stanzas and YWS crunched it? (This happens sometimes). If not, then because it is a poem, divide into lines after each comma, and then perhaps think of a good separation of stanzas. Perhaps one will work best, or perhaps two or even more. Actually, for me, the best way to figure out how a poem should work is to read it out loud.
Overall, besides that, I liked the way you wrote this poem, with short phrases and the dual meaning of "Falling into Spring". (By the way, I love the title). The only thing I might have against it is that it is somewhat unoriginal, just in that so many people write about the transitioning of seasons, especially this one. So what I would love to see is an original and unique twist on this well-used subject, perhaps. It won't be as easy to think of, but it could make your poem super interesting.
So yeah, great job! Whenever you do editing, remember to read it out loud to see if it sounds good afterwards and good luck!
Once again, welcome to YWS!
~Sapi
I really liked this poem. It made me feel autumn and the change into spring. I can also totally relate to this. This poem completely says what I feel about autumn. Get it up! This poem was epic. *Thumbs up*