Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy

12+ Violence

Logestella- Prologue

by lalarawrmonster

On the continent known as Corrinthia, there are two kingdom’s that lay in the southwest and the northeast. The land in the southwest is called Solmur Nuk, and to the northeast lay Lunmir Kohr. Our story starts at the foot of the high north Azure Mountains in Lunmir Kohr, near a small town called Snowfall Valley. A blizzard was burying the area in several feet of snow, and a lone house sat a half a mile from the main village.

The wind blew harshly against the old one-roomed house that sat on a snow-covered hill, smoke disappearing in the blizzard as soon as it left the chimney. The cold seeped through the brick house, pressuring the heat within. Inside was warm and comfortable, the fire strong as if a young relative of the sun. Near the fire sat an elderly man reading a soggy newspaper. His eyes, though old, moved quickly across it, scanning the front page for details.

An adolescent female sat near his feet, between him and the fire. Her features were lightly tan from the often sunny days, the sunlight reflecting off the snow, which gave her a healthy glow. There was a gentle pink in her cheeks and slight perspiration on her brow from the heat of the fire. Her hair was strangely navy blue and short, cut above her shoulders, and her eyes burned orange like the fire. The elderly man read while she poked at the fire with a long stick.

The wind shook their home hard, threatening to force it down around them. The room was the only one in the house and in it was a stove near the fireplace, a dressing curtain in the corner beside a large rough oak dresser, a small bathroom (the only other room within the house), a sink, and a cabinet near the front door. Opposite the fire, across the room was a mattress and a mat on the floor, both covered in old blankets.

A log cracked in half from the heat of the fire and turned to began to crumble further underneath the fury of the girl’s poker. The elderly man dropped the newspaper into his lap and rubbed his eyes, sighing deeply. He then turned his gaze to the fire, and shivered from a breeze that managed to enter the house through a small crack in the wall. The youth shifted slightly to look toward her elder, putting the poking stick aside. He shifted as well, his eyes weary and tired.

“It’s much worse than I anticipated,” he began softly, turning his gaze on her,” but alas, there is no more that can be done. We can’t fight it any longer. If we try, we might as well paint large letters that spell out the word ‘FOOLS’ on the front of our home.”

He finished with a bitter laugh; there was no joy in King’s newest law. The adolescent took a moment to process his words before speaking in a quiet voice. “So then… I have no choice? I have to leave?”

Her grandfather rubbed his eyes again, nodding. The girl swallowed hard, blinking away tears that were coming quickly to her eyes. They had been hoping that this development wouldn’t happen; yet it had.

She tried to speak, but her voice wouldn’t come. They sat in silence for a few moments. She sat remembering how it all came about. She had been at the Spring festival not eight months before when she had been teased for her appearance, got angry and accidentally shown herself for she really was: a Blessed child. The Blessed Children were an odd race of people that had begun to appear through the continent the last fifteen years. Logestella’s own abilities or “powers” had begun to appear while she was the in the orphanage she grew up in. She had runaway and hidden in the forest, travelling east and had been found by old man Evander who had taken her in and adopted her as his granddaughter.

Seven years of living in Snowfall Valley and she had been a normal child. Then that fateful day where she had accidentally shown her powers in front of the whole village. She had gotten very upset indeed when Norris Platman told her she was a freak for having blue hair and orange eyes. Immediately, the ground all around them had plants shooting out of the soft snow and the ground shook from her anger. Once she had calmed down, everything changed. Everyone was afraid of her, and Norris Platman told her she really was a freak of nature. She went home quickly after that and told Evander what had happened. He told everyone that she wasn’t dangerous, just upset.

But it was too late as the damage had already been done. She was reported to the nearest Sheriff who then sent a report to the Royal Registry of Blessed Children. The director then sent a representative to Snowfall Valley, searching around to make sure Logestella was the only blessed child there and then made a report on her powers. After that, the whole village pretended she wasn’t there, her only friends remaining were their neighbors, the Mondelliz family, who judged people on character, not difference.

Logestella finally spoke up, her voice timid and her heart sinking.

“Grandpa, I want to stay here. I don’t want to go to the city…” she cried quietly into her knees that she pulled tightly to her chest. The elderly man was silent and nodded.

“Stella, we knew that this would happen eventually. The king is paranoid. He fears an uprising. He doesn’t want his citizens to be more powerful than he or his armies are.”

The wind blew again, and the house creaked furiously. After another angry gust, the girl spoke, regaining some dignity with a strong voice.

“When are they coming to get me?”

“Two weeks. You’ll most likely be going on a wagon to Crystal Canyon. Though once in the city of Loppell, well, I’m not sure what will happen. It’s an odd gathering. It seems the King has finally decided to attend to the education of your kind. I have no doubt that you’ll find others like yourself. As it seems that the king will be gathering them throughout all the winter villages of the Shallom countryside.” The girl wiped away a rebel tear and frowned at the fire, not wanting to cry anymore.

“I don’t like my kind. They show off their powers and make people afraid. They cause problems for those of us who want to live peacefully.” The old man nodded again and looked her directly in the eye.

“I’d say not to worry, but we have no idea what kind of education the King will give you. I may be nearly seventy years old, but I have yet to learn to read the hearts of men. I can only pray for your safety and well-being, and pray that the King means well by making this gathering of the Blessed Children.”

Logestella paused to nod at his words, taking in the truth. But another realization came to mind.

“And what’ll happen to you? You can’t stay here all by yourself. Grandfather. What if the blizzard season becomes too much for you?” The concern in her voice for his well-being made him smile kindly at her and speak softer than before.

“If I have any trouble, Liza Mondelliz has already offered her boys to help chop my wood for me. I’ll be fine. She also said if it becomes too dangerous this season, I can stay at her farm with the family.” He smiled weakly at her, but all the same got up from his chair and stretched.

“Time for bed,” he muttered, heading over to the mattress. “Let’s not dwell on this all night, Stella. The King may be afraid, but acting rashly is exactly what will end up causing further suspicions for him. We must calmly obey the laws, otherwise his fears in a resistance were well-founded.”

Logestella watched the fire for a moment longer before getting up and going behind the changing curtain and getting into her pajamas. She then lay down on her mat on the floor. After wrapping herself in her blankets, she closed her eyes, wishing it all away. She had been doing that a lot lately. Wishing. It wasn’t like her. She let out a long tired yawn and mentally got a firm grip on herself.

‘Come on, Stella’, she told herself,’ are you a Lunian or not? Prove to the King that you are as safe as a snow bunny. You can do this, if not for yourself, then for grandfather.’ She barely smiled, already half-conscious.

“Logestella,” whispered her grandfather, “I’m pretty sure Liza promised us some warm breakfast if we got up with the sun tomorrow.”

That was the last thing spoken for the rest of the evening. Stella lay their silently wondering what the King possibly wanted with her kind, why he was really gathering them to the city of Lopell beyond Crystal Canyon.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
229 Reviews

Points: 11589
Reviews: 229

Sun Mar 31, 2013 3:09 pm
SushiSashimi333 wrote a review...

This story is very easy to visualize and feel the cold throughout the little house. The descriptions of each person were just enough, not too much to bore and not too little to be confused. Your transitions were also smooth and the dialogue was perfect, it had purpose and flowed well. I really like this. Also the ending was really good, as she wonders so does the reader.

User avatar
740 Reviews

Points: 28275
Reviews: 740

Sun Mar 31, 2013 1:01 am
ShadowVyper wrote a review...

Hey awrmo!

Shady here with a review for you this fine night! :D

there are two kingdoms

Aside from that, I saw no mechanical errors. Great job! I can usually pick a story to pieces, because, for me, grammatical errors take away from the overall reading experience, and really stand out.

Overall, this was quite an enjoyable story. Your characters interest me, as does the Blessed Children, and your world. You've managed to spark my interest, which is hard to do. A lot of published books leave me uninterested for several chapters. Great job!

If you need any more help, don't hesitate to ask! I'd love to read this story as you post it.

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)

User avatar
289 Reviews

Points: 30323
Reviews: 289

Sat Mar 30, 2013 8:55 am
Caesar wrote a review...

Hey there lalarawrmonster!

Overall, this wasn't bad. I'm curious to see more about who the Blessed Children are and what they can do. However, in this chapter, I feel you could have given more room for the character's thoughts, really make us empathize with Logestella, know what she's thinking and how she's experiencing what is no doubt this turbulent change in her life. Fear? Sadness? Surely, but perhaps is there a little excitement? Is she determined to stay safe? All of these things are very intriguing, and I'd love to know more. However, here, what little we understand of her psyche is conveyed through dialogue and description, her tears, really. Tears are very ambiguous, they could mean a lot of things. So what would be cool is if you'd just bulk things out with her thoughts, see what I mean? Perhaps some description of the room, too, maybe have her view things differently, knowing she's going to have to leave her home behind or whatnot.

That's my main issue, I don't have a lot to say otherwise. There is one more thing, your intro. You don't need the opening sentences, they're redundant. We're going to find out what the country and kingdoms are named anyways, it'd be more effective if you just cut to the little house in the blizzard.

(...), there are two kingdom’s that lay in the southwest and the northeast.

Incidentally, it should be kingdoms, without the apostrophe. It's not a possessive, just a boring old plural.

The girl wiped away a rebel tear and frowned at the fire, not wanting to cry anymore

The 'rebel tear' bit could be phrased better. I suggest something like this: The girl/Logestella didn't want to cry anymore. She frowned at the fire (insert description of the flames maybe). She wiped one last tear/rebel tear away.

Just a thought.

Personally, I find your ending a little weak. I dunno, since you're dealing with feelings here, you could finish with something more... poetic. Of course, that's hard to pull off, but it's just a thought.

Overall though, not bad, not bad. Do post more.

Hope this helped

Thanks Ita! I had a lot of doubts about my prologue and your input is exactly what I needed to hear/read.

Thanks for being specific too. I've been trying to figure out why it felt awkward at some points, like I wasn't conveying what I really wanted to.

By pointing out Logestella's lack of point of view, you've helped me realize my reader's wouldn't be able to connect with the main character, which is really important for a writer to be able to do.

I'll take all your words into consideration and begin the editing process.

Again, thank you for your input and opinion.


"He looks like a turtle who's been through the Vietnam war."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi