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12+ Language Violence

A Rainy Day (pt.1)

by VeniVidiVici

It was a rainy and foggy day. The wind blew the rain gently into the forest, coating everything in a light drizzle. The fog enveloped all. Deep in the vegetation, new life was stirring. A wolf cub was born. His given name was Rain.

The wolf cub, not even ten minutes old had difficulty standing. His delicate paws and weak muscles gave their all to try and stand. Rain fell nose first into a pile of leaves. His dampened fur weighed him down. This cub was determined. His body wasn't fully synchronized with his brain and he ended up falling again. He felt a warm body pick his butt up. He looked behind him and saw a large furry body. Immense love and loyalty burst into life. Warmth spread from his buttocks to his tiny ears. It gave him newfound strength and he leaped onto his mothers nose, putting his paws on his mothers nose, staring into her tired eyes. He spotted his sisters and brothers and his tail wagged for the first time. Danger came in the form of a rival wolf, ready to kill competition before it grew. Rain sensed his mothers distress and rose to defend his siblings. The wolf knew who his first target would be.

The wolf snarled violently, its teeth protruding from its face, fierce and ready to kill. Rain wouldn't hide. His mother, too weak from childbirth, had to lay and watch her children be slaughtered. The wolf crept up to the cubs, enjoying their fear. He salivated at the thought of murder and bloodshed. Rain stood his ground in the face of this large adversary. Instinct took over and he barked as loud as he could. It came out as a slight yelp. The wolf moved its tail between its legs in mocking of the threat. Suddenly and explosively, the guts of the enemy wolf ripped out of its side. Rain cocked his head slightly in puzzlement of the violence and tried to understand. A fierce burning slammed into his face and Rain toppled, unconscious.

Several weeks later

The warm sun and the soft breeze blanketed Rain as he opened his eyes. His mother's body radiated heat and it was absolute bliss just to lay next to her. His excitement for life overpowered the comfort and he bound into the air. He took a look at the forest. A wonderment of bushes, sticks, and dirt! Dirt! Rain loved dirt! he rolled around in it and put his nose in it, and dug his little paws in it. It was slightly moist from the night before. Rain realized he felt really weak. He sluggishly walked toward his mother, for help. She exposed her nipples. He licked his lips and began to suckle. It was delicious and he suckled harder. After he had his fill, his sense of adventure and curiousity peaked. It was time to explore!

Something shiny moved along the forest ground. Rain eyed this creature. It scuttled slowly and meticulously. He touched it, hesitantly. The creature began a high speed pursuit, it zipped along as fast as it could, its enormous shell opened up to reveal thin papery wings. They buzzed so fast Rain could feel the air blasting his nose. Rain was determined to catch it. He picked up his tiny hiny and lowered his head for maximum power. He calculated the distance and pounced, landing exactly where the beetle had been but missing it to where it flew off. An ear flopped over his eye dopily. He joyously trotted away unhindered by his failure to catch the bug. A smell reached his nose, a peculiar smell. Something that didn't match the smell of the forest. He had to find out what it was. It was powerful and overwhelming for his young nose. The young cub thought it smelled like lots of things mixed together to make a smell. A worse smell. Then he saw her. A human, a human girl.

The young cub yelped at his excitement seeing this new creature!

"oh! My! God! So cute!" The woman exclaimed. She was excited too! the young cub thought. The young cub smelled the interesting smell of her feet. He had never seen such a colorful creature. Or tall. It was all too much for him and he couldn't decide what to do. So he ran and hopped in circles.

"Mary!" stay on the trail, we could get lost out here. Please." The man said.

"Look though! it's a little puppy! Lets show it to my little cousin!" She exclaimed. At the sight of the adorable newborn, the man went pale. It was a newborn wolf, and newborn wolves rarely stray far from their home.

"Fuck Mary don't be retarded lets go! That's a wolf!" He exploded. His arms moved a lot as he spoke, moving around and up and down and sideways. When Mary heard that, electricity ran up her spine and suddenly the situation became very serious. Rain yelped cutely. In the near distance, a wolf howled. Rain knew that howl, it was his mother! His mother would see what he found! He became more excited, if that was possible. When he turned his head, the creatures were running. He ran after them, curious to see where they'd go. He yelped adorably.

Rain heard running behind him. His mother, and the pack! They wanted to see the creatures too! He yelped to say hey I'm here. They caught up frighteningly quick. Rain expected them to stop and pick him up too but they ran past him with blazing speed. They want to see them so bad thought little Rain.

The teenager and the human man were pounced on ferociously by the pack leader. It visciously tore into his neck, sending blood spurting everywhere. The teenage girl was pounced on by several wolves and had her stomach bored into by raving sharp mouths. Her guts spilled out the ripped hole in her soft belly. Their screams only lasted for several seconds before fading into a gargle. The man choked on his own blood and the girl passed out due to shock. The wolf pack began eating their portion of the kill. The young wolf cub saw his first taste of true violence and hated it.

The day After

The young wolf cub pricked his ears up at the sound of an annoying wailing. It was far and the darkness was coming. It sounded like another human. He had to see it, they were so interesting. So colorful and smelly. The wolf cub sneaked out of his mothers den and slipped into the forest. He ran in the direction of the wailing. It was a relentless noise. He didn't have difficulty locating the source of the noise. It was another human like he suspected, but it was a tiny human. The tiny human stopped crying at the sight of the puppy. His grin widened and he became overjoyed at the little puppy jumping on him and sniffing his hair. Rain thought about how little fur humans had and how disgusting it looked. He looked at the human decided it was ugly. He didn't care much though, the human was fun. a slight drizzle began.

"Rain! You Rain now!" the human giggled. He put his little fingers in the dirt and played with it. The human likes dirt too! Rain jumped into the dirt and began jumping around excitedly, his tail wagged perpetually. Then the human grabbed Rain in a tight embrace.

"Mary. Uncle." the young human said somberly. Rain formed an idea. The human would be one of the pack! He had no more humans, he could be a pack dog! He became even more frantic at the thought that he could play with the human everyday. He started walking slowly in the direction of his den. The human stayed standing with his fingers in his mouth. The young cub waitied for him to start walking. The human grabbed onto the puppys tail and began slowly walking with him. The young cub led him to his den. The human was becoming sleepier and sleepier by the moment. The darkness didn't allow you to see your hand, Rain didn't need it. His nose was enough. The human lay down under a tree near his den and Rain lay down on his warm chest. They slept soundly throughout the night.

Rain awoke to several sniffing noses, all curious as to what appeared in their territory. Rain yelped for them to get away. The boy woke with a start at the excitment. He instantly soiled his pants at the sight of several wolves surrounding him. The young cub raised a leg and peed on the human, claiming it to be his. The human had essentially planted his ground by peeing and the young cub had vouched for his acceptance. The wolves growled softly and turned, their attention on the females in heat.

The young boy was officially accepted into the wolf pack. The young cub yelped cutely. Rain knew he would have to learn alongside him. It began with feasting. The lower members of the wolf pack always had the last portions of meat of the kill. His mother dragged a piece of meat to the youngins'. Rain dove into it, tearing and shredding it to pieces. The human picked berries from a nearby bush and ate. Rain knew he would enjoy meat later. Who wouldn't? he thought. He took another zealous bite of the guts of yesterdays kill.

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1417 Reviews

Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417

Sun Mar 31, 2013 8:53 pm
Noelle wrote a review...

Hi there!

It was a rainy and foggy day. The wind blew the rain gently into the forest, coating everything in a light drizzle. The fog enveloped all. Deep in the vegetation, new life was stirring. A wolf cub was born. His given name was Rain.

*alright, I absolutely love this! Great word choice when writing this. I like the whole image of this wolf cub being sort of born from the rain, especially since that is his name.

Warmth spread from his buttocks to his tiny ears.

*this sentence made me laugh. Most likely because of the word 'buttocks'. I may be 19, but I will forever be 5 years old in the brain. Anyway...yeah, this made me laugh. :D

His mother's body radiated heat and it was absolute bliss just to lay next to her.

*yes! Way to get inside the head of your character, especially seeing as he's a wolf.

Then he saw her. A human, a human girl.

*how does Rain know that this creature is a human? Just wondering.

Overall this is a great start. I absolutely love the idea of this. It reminds me of the Jungle Book. And even though that's my least favorite Disney movie, your version is great! Not saying that this is a copy of the Jungle Book because I know it's not. I'm just saying that this idea is way better than the Jungle Book.

Why am I talking about Disney movies?

Anyway, I really, really enjoyed reading this. Please post on my wall when you post the next chapter. I can't wait!

Keep writing!

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289 Reviews

Points: 30323
Reviews: 289

Tue Mar 26, 2013 2:36 pm
Caesar wrote a review...

Hey VeniVidiVici. Nice username.

But uugh why another Romulus and Remus/Mowgli. Mostly Mowgli.

How knowledgeable are you when it comes to wolves? Their behaviors, their habitats, the way they act, hunting and migratory patterns (do wolves "migrate")? Now, I'm clearly no expert, but others may be. And if you're treating this as a novel which will potentially be published (which however, leads me to wonder how you're going to incorporate the timeskips in bold, no less), you have to consider there may be those who are experts on wolves. And if that is the case, your work might be flamed as improbable -- there is only so much willing suspension of disbelief, even though this isn't a very serious work aimed to a rational, older audience who may question things etc etc.

Despite what I've said above, I'm going to go ahead and be that one who does, because I do, even if it's a Disney movie. How does the cub understand the human language, pray? How does he make logical assumptions based on these impressions given? And so forth.

Now, as for the piece itself -- I don't really have a lot of things to say, really. On the whole, while it didn't appeal to me, nor strike me as great, it wasn't terrible. I would have enjoyed more sensory description, however. Wolves rely a lot on smell and perception/touch, so give us more of that. The forest, the sounds, the temperature. The warm blood and the taste of the guts or the dirt, anything, possibly everything. Especially from a wolf's point of view, it makes things more credible.

I also want to point out three nit-picks.

"oh! My! God! So cute!" The woman exclaimed.

Oh needs to be capitalized. The t of the doesn't, on the other hand. I also wonder where is his mother... and the rest of the pack? It's very, very hard to safely approach a wolf cub without incurring the wrath of the mother, who are indeed very fierce.

"Fuck Mary don't be retarded lets go! That's a wolf!" He exploded

A comma after fuck, otherwise the man's intention is to fuck Mary. Also a comma after Mary, and no capitalization on He. Also, exploded isn't a speaking verb.

He took another zealous bite of the guts of yesterdays kill.

I wouldn't use zealous. Zeal means " Filled with or motivated by zeal; fervent.", a wolf cub is probably more along the lines of starving or eager. Probably both.

Rather implausible, plot holes, some grammatical errors -- though overall not terrible.

Hope this helped

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13 Reviews

Points: 1868
Reviews: 13

Tue Mar 26, 2013 11:21 am
Lyrienne wrote a review...

I thought this was very good. You introduce us to a newborn wolf and show us his first encounters. You also encourage us to continue reading to find out what happens to the now orphaned kid that became part of the pack. It will be interesting to see how the child survives and grows.
I do find the reaction to the first humans may have been a bit extreme. I also don't see how the pack could "adopt" him when they killed the other two. It would make more sense if you had him "fight" for his "territory".
I would also like to know what happened at the very beginning. It didn't make sense. You describe the wolf having its guts ripped out seemingly without a cause. Then rain falls unconscious and that's that.
Over all, a great part. I await the second!

VeniVidiVici says...

The first humans being killed was a mixture of protecting their territory, their young, and capitalizing on an easy kill. The young child had the young wolf "vouch" for him when he peed on him, as well as the young child soiling himself. This coupled together was sufficient for the other wolves to back off. Sorry if I didn't make this clear enough, I definitely have more room to improve my writing. As for the intro paragraph and the wolf, it was purposefully left extremely hazy to be on the 'understanding' that the young cub was at. I guess it was to better connect with him. In hindsight it might have been a little too vague, leaving the reader wondering what happened. It will be revealed later that's for sure though. Thank you for your input, it's always appreciated! :)

But even the worst decisions we make don't necessarily remove us from the circle of humanity.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore