Young Writers Society

Thanks both for welcoming me and taking the time to comment!!

There is no rhyme scheme, I write free form. My poems are more about the meaning then the way it is written. I am conscious it doesn't has much rhythm. I might try in the future to work with rhythm a little bit more but it will never have a logical rhyme scheme because that's not what I would like to write at this moment. But who knows in which direction it will go.
Sometimes a rhyme might slip in unconsciously.

The subject of the poem: I like to have people think or make there own imaginary with the poem. If I explain too much in the poem itself, in my opinion it will loose his power. But this time I will explain just so the context is more clear.

I am not here for myself:

I am not on this world for only myself. I am here for other people to find peace in me or for them to build from out what I have giving them (even when they are out of my life now). Who I helped or will help even when I have to suffer for it.

A small part of the chain:

We are all a small part of the world, the world being the chain we all are in/on and I play the part of being a guide in this chain.

The part that will guide you
Guide you to a better self
It is causing me pain
But I'm ok with that.
I will be there for you.....:

I play the part of guiding someone who I loved without knowing at the time I was guiding. It is causing me pain knowing I was only guiding this person into a better direction and I wasn't the goal. But I helped her come closer to her goal. Which is a different lover, but without me she wouldn't have known what she was looking for. I'm OK with that, because I know in the end, for her, this is good. And still, I will be there for her, always, no matter what.

Everybody has their own thoughts about this poem, and that's what also gives it power, but I agree with you, Pen. If it's too vague it leaves too much for guessing what it's about. Thanks!! And shady, thanks for saying to me my poem has no rhythm I will work on it, and experiment a little bit!

Hi Joran!

Welcome to the YWS! If you're looking for things to do, don't forget that reviewing is both fun and rewarding! You learn something with every review you do, even if it's what not to do! But on the poem: I think this is a cute little poem. It needs some work but I like the feeling you have here, it's simply but clearly expressed which is always nice to see from poetry.

I totally think you could add some imagery and some description to this. You start that when you talk about the chain, but you don't take it anywhere. Is the persona a link, or are they the one holding the chain? Give us a little more imagery to go on, and we'll get a bit more into this for sure. I think it will also help to explain the relationship a bit better. I want to assume this is a couple in love and one is guiding the other, but I'm not sure about that because we're missing some cues. Missing cues can often work in poetry, it gives the audience more versatility to work with in their personal understanding of the poem. Right now I'm just a little confused about what direction the poem is moving in.

I don't know about the rhyme, I didn't notice it until I read the other review. I don't really have a problem with it because I don't notice it, as it's only two words. What I think you could work on is the repetition of guide here. There isn't enough space or enough weight given for the repetition to work like this. Adding some more imagery will help with this, where you can find images for the guiding rather than just stating it. Statements are direct and clear but often not terribly interesting. I feel like I might be giving you mixed information, if that feels so, please ask me to clarify! For example "I am a small part of the chain/The part that will guide you" could easily be "I am a small link in this chain/arm through yours for every step, I guide you" Or something similar but better!

Thanks for writing this, I look forward to seeing more interesting poetry from you in the future. Hit me up if you have any questions, queries or just want to chat!

~Pen

Hey joran!

Welcome again to YWS!

I'm Shady, and I'll be attempting a review on your poem this fine day.

I like the idea behind this poem, it's nice. However, your rhyme scheme is a bit off. Looking at last words, you rhyme:
A
B
C
A
B
D
D

It was a bit hard to read, because my view kept shifting from one rhyming scheme to the next, with no real order to follow. You have just enough structure to make this feel like it's *not* free verse, but not enough structure to make it flow properly.

I think I might advise you to nix the third line, since it's the odd-ball out, and your poem won't suffer from it's absence.

"I am not here for myself,
I'm a small part of the chain.
A guide to your better self.
Helping you causes me pain,
But I'm okay with that.
I will be there for you no matter what."

Flows a bit better. *shrugs* It's your choice.

If you have any questions or need any more help, feel free to PM or wall me.

Keep writing!

~Shady