I'm thinking of turning this into a novel, but I don't know~ Your opinion would be useful. I need critique.
~
The mere sound of a text message sent chills through my spine. I just knew it was him before I even checked.
He's back, I think.
I begin to feel how the warmth from my fingers turn to cold, and suddenly my whole body is shivering ferally... I can't help it, but I also know I shouldn't let my brother see me like this. He wouldn't hesitate to bombard me with questions until I confess what's making me so nervous. I can't run the risk, because I know he wouldn't understand. I take a deep breath, and I am grateful that the chills have stopped. However, I know that won't last long, so I stand up from the sofa, thinking about leaving the room. I walk pass my brother who's drinking a glass of milk in front of the refrigerator and looking at me with the corner of his eye. I smile vaguely, 'cause that's all I can do. I'd say I'm sleepy anyway, if I needed an excuse.
It's a good thing he didn't suspect anything. If so, he would've let me know.
When I get to the bedroom, I see my coat is over the drawer. My body is crying for me to grab it, so I wrap it around me. I toss my cellphone over the upper bunk and manage to climb the ladder. It's difficult when your body is shaking so bad. I lean my back against the wall as I pull my legs closer to my chest. It's not cold tonight. I know it because it's summer and it wasn't cold before I received the message from him. I know I'm trembling out of some strange incomprensible fear, but for some reason, instead of feeling my heart bouncing against my ribs, I barely feel it at all. I'm not dying, though... But for all I know, I might be.
I take a look at the phone and see he's sent another three messages; one telling me he's lonely, "I didn't forget your birthday", and "Are you there?". For some reason, I'm glad he wasn't here for my birthday. Even though I don't really want to reply, I do, because I'd feel bad if I didn't. He really has no one but me. He sends me a smiley face and I ask him where he is.
"At the neighbor's roof." I read on the screen. I look outside the window and, indeed, he's there; sitting on the roof, expecting me to see him. He gives me a friendly smile and winks. I don't smile back at him. I never do. But those white teeth of his are difficult to erase from the memory. Even though he creeps me out, that smile of his and his sweet personality drench me in ambivalence once again.
I message him saying that I saw him, as if he didn't know. But it's fine because that keeps the conversation from dying. I lean my head against the wall and look at the ceiling, revealing a deep sigh.
This place's noise is numb, I think, involuntarily.
I close my eyes and just sit there and think for a moment. Then I hear his voice.
"Hi, Olivia! Wanna play?" he says enthusiastically. That freaks the hell out of me, but at least I can feel my heart begin to catch up its normal speed, and that warms me up a little inside. I gasp and let my lungs catch their breath again.
"Henry!" I can feel my eyebrows begin to frown. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that?" I can hear my tone getting agrier with every word. And now I've stopped shivering. But then I realize how his expression turns to gray as he lowers his head. I glare at the wall because I can't glare at myself. Now I'm just mad for saying that. Because I know that made him feel bad. He's like a teenage toddler sometimes. But I know that his saddened face simply means he respects me. He's told me before he never wants to lose me because I'm all he has.
"Meh!" I burst out as I wrap my arms around his shoulders. "It's fine." He's cold! But he holds me tight and swings me a bit. I look up at him and he's smiling again, and that makes me feel better about myself. Gosh, after all this time... I'm actually fond of you, I think.
"Want to play hide and seek?" He asks eagerly. I can see the crazy in his eye.
"Henry, you know I don't like to play that game with you," I say, unconcerned about hurting his feelings or not.
"Yeah, I know." His voice lowers. "I wouldn't want to give you a heart attack anyway," he adds. I kind of ignore him 'cause sad moments with Henry suck.
I approach to the closet and open is door.
"We can play a board game if you'd like, though," I say, trying hard to see in the dark.
"Could you-- Could you turn on the light for me, please?"
He doesn't reply, but I know he's still there when he hits the switch, and I can imagine him staring at me with curiosity.
"Oh, look! I've got Life!" I tell him.
"You've got life?"
"Yeah. That's how the board game is called," I say as I pull it out of the closet, and go back to Henry.
"This is Life," I say. Henry holds the box on his hands, and simply looks at the designs carefully. I sit on the bed and have to ask him to bring the game over. Otherwise, I think he'd just stand there and watch the logo on the box forever. I organize everything as quick as possible to start playing. I open the board, organize the cards, pick our cars and put the "bank" to my left.
"Oh. This is cool," he says. I figured that's the only thing he could say. "How do you play this?"
"It's quite simple," I say. "Capitalism. You start by getting a career, then get a job, get paid, get married, buy a house, have children, retire, have grandchildren, and whoever has more money at the end wins."
Henry gives me a fake smile. I just stare at him, expecting him to explain why. "I'll never get married," he says. His expression doesn't seem sad but I can see his eyes; they look lifeless. None of us say anything for a moment.
"Oh. I won't marry either. I'm seriously considering becoming a nun," I lied, sounding confident enough, and nodding.
He chuckles. "Yeah, right. A girl like you doesn't stay single for long." His eyes get that sparkle again. And now I feel like he's stopped acting like a child; he's being serious.
"Nah. Not me. We can fake-marry, though. You and I. That'd be fun," I say. How reckless. You don't help someone sadness by telling them you'll marry them, Olivia! What the hell are you thinking? I scold myself. But then I see Henry's face lightened up, and I forget the stupidity of my comment because at least I managed to make him smile.
I can see Henry staring at the board thoughtfully, but I don't say anything about it.
"Little you is pink," he says. "How come? Little you doesn't have big eyes or black curly hair." Inside, his words amuse me a bit, but I don't let him know
"Nice observation," I say and chuckle. He grabs a marker that I'd left on the night table and picks up the plastic car from the board.
"What are you doing?" I say, even though I don't need an answer because I know what he's doing; he's drawing my hair and eyes.
"There." He smiles pleased. "She's pretty now." My eyes wander to the sides rapidly. And I find myself not knowing what my expression should be, or what to say. But he simply puts the car back on the board, and tells me it's my turn to spin. I know he just said that to get rid of the awkwardness he had created.
"No. It's your turn," I argue.
"Oh. Right." He spins, and it's his time for him to get a "career".
I shuffle the cards and tell him to grab three of them without looking.
"Without looking?" He asks, but he grabs them anyway.
"Yes. Without looking," I answer as I put the other cards to one side, and then I take the three he's chosen. "Now, pickoneof these three cards," I say.
"Without looking?" He asks, and I reply with a nod. He sounds kind of frustrated, but for some reason I couldn't read between his lines."But, why?" he asks.
"Because those are the rules. That's the game of Life,"I explain, ignoring the fact that he might be frustrated for real.
"This isn't the game of life! This is the game ofmy Life," he says as he tosses the cards against the board. My eyes are wide open, because I had never seen him frowning and being serious at the same time.I think he was seriously needing someone who'd listen to him. So I just stood there, willing to. And he knew I would listen.
"I don't have a family. I can't marry anyone, I can't choose what I want for my future, I won't ever make money, because I don't need it, and I can't get it anyway. I'm just a gho--"
"Olivia! Where is my phone?" My brother's angry voice interrupting. I can feeling approaching. And, Gosh! Every time Henry borrowshis phone to text me, they end up blaming me.
"Here's the phone." Henry's mood changes so quickly, but I'm used to him. Now he's smiling at me, handing me the phone. I take it, and that's when my brother slams the door open.
"Gosh! Why are you doing this again? You have a phone. I don't see why you do this! I thought you'd stop doing that forever!" He walks towards me and takes the phone from my hands. I don't say a word.
"I think he's not amused," says Henry and laughs. Now my brother's gone and I look at Henry without showing him any type of amusement. He looks kind of embarrassed now, but he manages to cool down my desire to hit him in the nose with a comment: "It's a good thing no one can see me."
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