Deleted for plagirism. Original.
I think the first thing your writing could benefit from is you going through with the strictest of eyes to see which words are unnecessary in the meaning that you are trying to approach. Because I want to say I love the personable-ness and the simplicity of the opening list:
I missed the woman I was waiting for. I lost a button on my jacket. I met somebody on the train that I didn’t want to meet.I felt the first twinge of a toothache. And now it’s raining and I’m trapped in a cab, stuck in traffic because of an accident. If anybody says these are just general things then I’ll going to belt him. Don’t you agree?
Sometimes bad things and bad luck pile up. But that is just a generalization. However, if bad things keep happening to the same person, if they keep piling up, then that isn’t a generalization anymore.It has become personal. In that case thinking in terms of a generalization doesn’t help because one wants sympathy.
Heya, good to see newer members with such solid form in their writing. ^^Your confidence as a writer shines through your sentence structure and choice of words. The rather simplistic style suited the atmosphere perfectly, methinks, and I assume that this was intentional. What really caught my eye was how believable all of the dialogue was, which is to say it didn't seem merely plastered on and was engaging at all times. Big ups for that.As for the story, I don't really know what to make of it. It has this vibe of nonchalance, almost indifference, about the happenings themselves, allowing for a very intriguing atmosphere. I get the feeling you're trying to get some message across, but I can't figure out the specifics. Probably just my inability to function on such a deep level due to a significant amount of consumed sleep loss, but you never know. Back to the point of indifference, have you ever read Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle? I get the same vibes from this as I got from it - which is quite the high praise as I adored the shizz out of that novel. Something rather big and out of this world is going on, namely a vampire cabby, but the MC just shrugs it off and asks for a lighter instead. If that isn't indifference, I don't know what is.There were a lot of lovely ideas in this and seemed very contemplative. Even if I'm not entirely sure what I was contemplating, I felt a sense of fulfillment as I reached the end. Bugger me colorless, but I have no clue why. I really liked this piece. Nice job.Your's truly,Lifepst.scrpt. Oh, and would you mind enlightening me on what you were seeking to achieve with this, cause it's bugging me that I can't just grasp it.
I think the writing of this isn't that bad, I'm just sort of over vampires after all that Twilight. I never liked twilight and it sort of put me off vampires. So sorry I couldn't really get into this piece. It's not your fault, it's just the topic. Maybe if you did it with a twist or something. Maybe if the main character was a vampire or something for me to immediately latch onto then perhaps I'd relate. Right now, I think vampires are so mainstream, having a story about someone who's undecided and, do they exist, don't they, should I be scared, shouldn't I, just seems re-filtered. It's been done so many times before. Hope this helps.
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