Greetings, young one.
I see you have been a member of the Young Writers Society for but five days! Well, let me be one of the first to welcome you. I assure you, you will not regret joining, and I must admit, you are most certainly a worthy addition to the world of literature, be you undiscovered or not.
I shall begin my review by confessing that poetry is not one of my strong points. At spelling, grammar and punctuation I am good, however, so I shall rather focus on those.
He felt strange over the years of vicarious unkempt love
as when the lustrous wet paper met his eyes
Already I am impressed by your descriptive skills and the extent to which your vocabulary spans, and I am not known for my generosity with compliments. However, I should advise adding a comma after your first line, simply for the sake of smoother reading. Poetry is not restricted by the same rules as writing in the traditional sense though, so I suppose you can ignore these pieces of advise if you wish, but I should not recommend it.
when touched his shadow in dull ecstatic light
Due to the lack of sufficient punctuation in this poem, I cannot discern whether or not this is the beginning of a new sentence or still a continuation of the previous one.
And so, he remains
Not only do I think the repetition of "and so" is redundant, but I have also noticed that you wrongly place certain words in their own line. In some cases, I think it unwise, for by doing so you emphasise the words unnecessarily.
Other than these few objections, I am immensely satisfied with the quality of your poetry. I think the narrator in the poem has been infidelious to his lover and is now paying the price, but I am not too sure.
I wish you the best of luck with your future writing, and congratulations on an excellent piece of poetry. (Be wary of verbosity and using unnecessarily "big" words.
)Rating for this text: four stars (excellent)
Points: 17344
Reviews: 293
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