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Young Writers Society


18+ Mature Content

Early Morning

by xLeighx


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

She woke to the feeling of kisses being pressed along her throat. A hand slowly moving up her stomach towards her breasts. She smiled, shifting onto her back to give him better access. This really was the best way to wake up, she thought.

Now fully awake, she brought her hand up to his neck, pulling him closer, bringing his mouth to hers, and pressing her lips firmly against his. She felt him smile into the kiss, as he moved so he was now hovering over her. "Good morning love" he whispered before moving back to her throat. She gasped as she felt him kiss downwards towards her breast, which turned into a moan as he took her nipple into his mouth, sucking gently. His hand travelling down towards her centre, finding her warmth, moving slowing in circles as she began to lift her hips upwards trying to get closer. He then began to press kisses down her stomach, still tantalisingly slow, making her squirm as she realised his intentions. Her moans filled the room as he buried his head between her legs, his tongue moving against her. Her hands grabbed at the sheets as she surrendered her body to him. Her moans became louder, and her body began to shake, as she felt waves of pleasure rippling throughout her body. Continuing on and on as he refused to stop, keeping his tongue pressed against her as he lapped up her juices. Finally, when she could take no more, he stopped and began to press kisses upon her stomach again, his hands sliding up her thighs. Gently moving her so he could place himself between her legs, settling against her hips.

Her hands moving to his shoulders as she felt him, large and swollen, against her, now, dripping wet entrance. Moving just slightly against her, teasing her, as she began to wriggle, wanting him inside her. His mouth lifted into that smile that said he knew exactly how he was affecting her and he was enjoying it. Only when she pulled his face to hers and whispered "please" against his lips did he relent, slowly pushing his full length inside her. A low moan escaping him as he felt her warmth surrounding him, tightly gripping him, as he filled her completely. Her breathing quickened as he started to move against her, hitting all of her soft spots. The pleasure increasing as he moved faster and faster, her fingernails scratching down his back, his hands gripping her hips. Her moans got louder, as he whispered into her ear, telling her what he wanted to do to her, how good she felt, turning her on even more. She lifted her legs to wrap them around his waist, allowing him to go even deeper. His tongue roughly entering her mouth, as they both felt themselves approaching the edge. His voice in her ear, begging her to come for him, finally caused her control to snap, her orgasm crashing through her body, going on and on as he started pumping faster into her. Finally he surged into her one last time, burying himself completely within her, pressing her face into neck as he let out a loud moan. His seed filling her as he collapsed against her.

He stayed there for a few moments before rolling over onto his side, bringing her with him, allowing her to cuddle into him, enjoying the afterglow for a while. She smiled, fully satisfied, when she felt him press against her stomach, hard and ready for her again. "Again?" she giggled, her hand moving to stroke him. He pressed himself against her hand, before pulling her on top of him. "I'm not done with you yet" he told her. She kissed him deeply, still teasing him with her hand, before moving to kiss her way down his body. She glanced up at him with that glint in her eyes, before taking him into her mouth, causing him to moan loudly, his hands moving to grip her hair.

They should start every day like this, he thought ...

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1334 Reviews

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Wed May 14, 2014 12:04 am
Hannah wrote a review...



Hey there, Leigh!

So, first I do want to say congratulations on having the courage to write and post something that is of a different topic and style than most of the stuff we read everyday. Or is it just that I don't read erotica that this seems different? haha. Either way, I remember the first time I felt like I was able to write about sex -- it was important for me to stop censoring myself. Don't know if you had a similar situation, but in any case...

The problem is that I feel like this has all been said before. There are any so many ways you can describe a sexual scene without including any personality at all, which means whenever you try to do so, it ends up feeling already "done".

There are specific phrases, especially, that seem to be used over and over again -- at least often enough that I've seen them before and they sound tired or a little ... not genuine ... on the page. For example:

shifting onto her back to give him better access.


Always somethin' about giving access.

tongue pressed against her as he lapped up her juices


Whenever people tackle oral, they always use the phrase "juices" and for some reason it's always paired with the word "lapped" instead of licked or anything like that, so it comes off as sort of a sex-scene cliche.

More:

burying himself completely within her
-- been there, done that in like every other erotica

His seed filling her as he collapsed against her.
-- always always like always called seed

You see what I mean? And because this is all too familiar and there's nothing unique about the characters, this is a short that I don't feel like I'll remember later. Sure, it may be useful to some people if you designed it as erotica, but I definitely can't see it as a short story. There's no revelation, no journey, no new information for me to carry with me throughout the day, know what I mean?

If you're looking to continue writing sex scenes but want to make them more memorable, I'd recommend not forgetting about the fact that the two (or more?!) people involved are actually characters with preferences, voices, histories, and personalities. Bring out the people more, and it will be much more memorable than just going through the motions YEAH!

PM me or reply to this review if you have any questions about my review~
Good luck and keep writing!

Hannah




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Tue May 13, 2014 7:12 pm
ladcat13 wrote a review...



BOOM! *appears in a puff of smoke*
Laddy here to review...

I love the raw passion and you managed to imbue into so few words as this. There's a lot of description but you didn't overdo it like some nasty porno, and I applaud you for that. I just have one nitpick- you have a lot of run-ons. You're using way to many commas in your sentences and over-complicating them. if you find more than two or three phrases in a sentence, try breaking it up. It'll make it sound smoother in the reader's mind and improve your writing style greatly.

I always like to end a review on a positive note, so I'll tell you this- the second paragraph with the oral sex was H-O-T hot! It made me get a little anxious myself... better not read it again, or I might get in trouble. Keep up the good work, and as always, keep writing!

-@ladcat13




xLeighx says...


Thank you. It was my first time writing a sex scene so it was a bit difficult for me. I'm glad you liked it.

I am planning on editing soon so thanks for the advice.

xLeighx




There are those who say that life is like a book, with chapters for each event in your life and a limited number of pages on which you can spend your time. But I prefer to think that a book is like a life, particularly a good one, which is well to worth staying up all night to finish.
— Lemony Snicket