Young Writers Society

Certain things will often leave me,
Things that I can only hope to see, in a glimpse of light.
They conspire with dark shadowed things,
And glisten on the small birds’ wings, as they soar in the skies.
They glitter on the new crisp snow,
As it softly moves and blows, on the cold wintry night.
They whisper words amongst the leaves,
Through, along, the morning breeze, that murmurs as it flies.

I drop them without knowing why,
And others pick them up to tie, those golden thoughts together.
I influence without a cause,
And many people never pause, to hold them up and watch as they flow.
And criticize the graceful lights,
That I think are so clear and bright, and truly so much better.
And often they are smashed to ruin,
People killing them too soon, without letting them develop, grow.

Many thoughts have died that way,
My thoughts, what I do and ask and say, as if it really matters.
People always find that single problematic thing,
And judge you for it, as if they can, as if they were always right.
For if given a choice between believing,
And getting cruely, coldly even, people pick the latter.
Killing dreams along the way,
Without ever stopping just to say, “I’m sorry”.
Just to keep the good in sight, when looking at those certain things.

I thought it was good.

I really liked the style that you wrote this poem in. The interchanging short lines, long lines was very neat. I'm sure if I've seen that used before but I like it, its different. The internal rhyming (the last word of the shorter lines and the middle of the longer ones) was also interesting. I find that I like your style a lot. I think that it is a very good poem.

Thanks, Clover. I really appreciate the comment. I wasn't sure that Certain Things was any good, but I'm so glad you think it worked out well. My brother couldn't even find the rhyme scheme. O:)

I really really love your style with this. The flow, rhyming, wording are in a word: fantastic. I can hear you saying this from deep inside, like writing your innermost thoughts in a diary or something. One thing that was kind of funny as I read it was that I didn't hear it in my voice. I always read in my head with my voice, but I heard someone else's that time. I don't know why that was so, but I think that's a good thing.

The only real criticism I can think of is the third line on the last stanza. The word "problematic" fits the material fine, but it seems to throw that perfect flow off just a little. You might look for a synonym with less syllables or something.

I hope to someday be able to write half as good at this. . . This is just. . . Wow. . . Makes me want to write a poem and actually work on it instead of doing free verse like I normally do (which usually ends up screwing up the flow and wording anyway ). . .

Great job. Keep it up.

~Angie~

That was so nice! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. That's the point of writing, though isn't it?

People killing them to soon, without letting them develop, grow.

The only typo I found: to is meant to be too.

I think I've said this too often, poetry is not my thing. But for me the third stanza was the best, I know what these thoughts are and well.. I kind of go through it at least once a day.

My thoughts, what I do and ask and say, as if it really matters.
People always find that single problematic thing,
And judge you for it, as if they can, as if they were always right.
For if given a choice between believing,
And getting cruely, coldly even, people pick the latter.
Killing dreams along the way,
Without ever stopping just to say, “I’m sorry”.

I don't know how to say what I feel about this part in words, you could almost say I was speechless as it is just ME.

Nice poem Dreamy, you should write more!

Yay! I've finally come to post on some of DD's stuff, who has been sooo nice in posting on mine.
Really awesome poem, Dreamy, love the imagery and everything. One thing kinda threw me off--the rhythm wasn't what i'm used to, I kept wanting to add words in to bring the lines up to certain numbers of syllables, but I guess that's just my style.
really fantastic though. loved it!

Thanks gyr. ^_^

Oy, and I've got to get back to critting your piece...

It's beautifully written, Dreamy. I did see a couple of typos, but nothing that hindered your message. A few words here and there might be tweaked, but overall it's a fine poem. You have such a clear voice as a writer, it seems you share your thoughts and emotions as clearly in verse as you would in a regular conversation.

Thank you for posting this. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

-David-

Awww, thanks David. ^_^ Vey nice of you to say so.

NOTE: Just saw your sig... 'Ivan Ilych died you know.'. Hehe... that was the most depressing story though, wasn't it?

Very depressing story, Dreamy, yes. I read Family Happiness before that. Tolstoy's not much on jolly, cheerful exhibitions, is he?

Anyway, fine piece. My only suggestion is to check your grammar and spelling once, and then it'll be even better.

Sure thing, David, thanks. ^_^

And stay away from the Tolstoy lest you get hopelessly and totally depressed for life. Keneally managed to do that for me...