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Young Writers Society


The Strangest



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Fri Jun 17, 2011 9:03 pm
IIWickedDestinyII says...



Chapter 1


“Get up! Everyone!” Nora yelled from the bottom of the stairs, her voice echoing through the halls. I groaned and pushed the pillow off my head. I blinked trying to get my eyes to adjust to the light and put my face back in the blankets. I yawned and slowly got out of bed. I tripped over a pile of clothes that had built up in front to the bathroom door. I flipped the light on and closed the door. Stripping down I turned on the hot water and waited until the temperature satisfied my liking. I stepped in and pulled the door closed.
I wiped the mirror off with a hand towel and wrapped one of the large black cotton towels around my chest. With a lighter towel I wrapped my ash blonde hair up like a turban. I looked in the mirror and smiled as I applied my black eyeliner and mascara. At sixteen I was around five foot four with ash blonde hair that fell half way down my back. I had a heart shaped face with pale blue eyes like a clouded sky. I had high cheekbones and a few freckles over my nose. I had pale creamy ivory skin and I was extremely petite.
I walked out of the bathroom and dried off. I pulled on dark blue jeans, a white and navy blue sailor striped tank top and a grey cardigan. I grabbed my black flats and practically ran out of my room. No one messed with Nora.
Nora O’Neil was my foster mom or my “assigned agent”. She was tall at five foot five and twenty-eight years old. She had a short messy brown bob with dark brown eyes. She was average size and looked like she was a sweet and kind mother to the rest of the world but to us she was like a drill sergeant. It was her job to protect us.
I hopped down the marble staircase trying to pull on my flats. I got one shoe on and when I went to switch feet, so I could get my other shoe on, I missed a step and began to fall forward. A strong arm wrapped around my waist and caught me. They set me back on my feet and steadied me. I turned around and smiled up at Lance.
Lance Kirk was one of the twins. At seventeen he was six foot two and extremely attractive. He had pale grey eyes and a smile that lifted higher on the left side. He had a short yellow blonde mohawk with natural golden highlights. He had a sharp face and defined features. He worked out constantly since he was involved in dancing, cheerleading and gymnastics. Let’s just say his muscles were also very well defined.
He smiled and quickly took his hand off my waist, I just laughed.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. We can’t have such a pretty girl hurt can we now.” I smiled and pulled on my other flat. I took his hand and we walked down the rest of the stairs.
“I wonder why Nora woke us up so early. It’s the first day of Christmas break and I hoped I would be able to sleep in for once.” We walked into the living room where the racket was. Jake was yelling at Gwen who looked furious. Jake and Gwen almost never got along and if they did, your best chance was to run the other way.
Jacob Turner was five foot eleven at sixteen years old. He had an oval shaped face with large dark brown eyes and straight auburn hair to his chin that flipped out at the ends. He also was involved in dancing, cheerleading and gymnastics with Lance, Landon, Gwen and I. Gwyneth Miller, also known as Gwen, had golden blonde hair that dropped half way down her back with jagged bangs across her right eye. She had hazel eyes, thin eyebrows and was five foot nine at eighteen. She had thin and looked like she could not hurt a fly but she was extremely strong.
Landon Kirk stood behind Gwen trying to calm her down but nothing was working. Gwen was dangerous when she got worked up. Landon was Gwen’s boyfriend and also Lance’s twin brother. Landon was six foot and had a golden blonde mohawk with natural yellow blonde highlights. He also had sharp features and defined muscles.
Nora sat next to Dane on the couch. Dane was thirteen and had curly dark brown hair with a chubby round face and green eyes. He was shorter than me at five foot one and was the nerdy kid, the one we all some how relied on. Nora nodded to Dane who stood up. Lance wrapped his arms around my waist and I turned to face his chest.
“Enough!” Dane’s voice bellowed through the room knocking everyone back about a foot. Lance’s arm tightened around me as the sound wave hit us all and rang through our ears. The television blared upstairs and the lights flickered above us.
Lance cursed as I turned around just fast enough to see Gwen’s facial features start to shirt and her spine start to curl. There was a sound of a squeal and a snarl and Gwen was forced on her hands and feet. Her whole body shook and she morphed. An angry wolf stood in her place, staring straight at Jake. Did I forget to tell you the reason why we were all here?
The house we lived in was called safe house 8 and we were all in the trusted care of Special Agent O’Neil or to us Nora. The house and our activities were under constant watch by a special force team known to the government as Delta 7. This special force was trained and equipped to handle any situation. Normal or supernatural. We were all brought here at a different time; some were brought years ago some just came. Delta 7 tracked and found all Eternals and tested them. Eternals were people with inhuman abilities. The ones with the highest risk of extermination were to be transported to a safe house. The locations all unknown until a voice mail, email or text message was received including the names and locations each person was to go to.
I remember it like yesterday when I was found.
One word to say to you
One world to live onto
One person that makes you spin
One song you'll always sing
Show me the way <3
  





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Fri Jun 17, 2011 9:23 pm
emXshorty says...



I like it. keep up the good work.
"I can't just GO to Pigfarts. It's ON MARS. You need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship, Potter? You know, I bet you do. Oh, look, it's Moonshoes Potter, Starkid Potter, traversing the galaxy on intergalactic travels to Pigfarts!"

-Draco, a VPM
  





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Sat Jun 18, 2011 2:17 am
Alliaaryn5665 says...



Hi.

You forgot a few commas. Otherwise, good job.

Farewll,
A.
You think you are any different from me,or yourfriends?Or this tree?If you listenhard enough,you canhear every living thingbreathing together.You canfeel everything growing.We are all living togethereven if most folksdon't act like it.We all havethe same roots,and we are allbranches of the sametree.
  





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Mon Jun 20, 2011 8:09 pm
lilymoore says...



And I’m back again, Wicked Destiny!

She was tall at five foot five …


I guess I figured I’d bring this up first because to most people, five foot five isn’t all that tall. I mean, I still think of myself as pretty short and I’m five foot seven on a tall day. Also, while I’m thinking about it, be careful not to dump huge amounts of information on people all at once because most of the time, readers won’t remember what you tell them if you tell it to them all at once. I generally don’t like to point people to my own Knowledge Base articles but I would take a look at All YWSers Should KISS in Moderation, especially the first section just under the first quoted area.

She had thin…


Huh?


Okay, the biggest problem you really have is information dumping. You don’t want to throw it all on the table at once. You want to work it into the story slowly and gradually. This helps readers remember what you’ve said better. Another thing that’s really kind of silly in this whole story is that you tell us Lance and Landon are twins already and then you go ahead and describe Landon after describing Lance and you use almost the same words and details to describe them both which just seems very, well, blah. If they looked different, it would be helpful but they’re twins and apparently identical so there isn’t much point in describing them both in the same manor.


Still, good luck with the story and if you have any questions or need anything, don’t hesitate to ask me!
~lilymoore
Never forget who you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.
  





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Thu Jun 23, 2011 12:14 am
theoutsidersfreak says...



this is really good :)
  





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Mon Jul 11, 2011 12:47 am
Jade1218THGfan says...



Ok this is awesome i'm probably gonna have to keep reading this. I mean it was ok untill I figured out the whole inhumane abilities deal that twist just made the whole story better. When you said Nora was tall at 5 foot 5 well that actually isn't that tall im 12 and 5 foot 3. Also you don't need to describe the twinds twice except there should be a slight difference in their ( the twins ) appearances because there should be a way besides their names to tell them apart. other than that this is a very awesome plot and topic keep writing I want to read more :)

-Jade
I've been stranded on a lonely street got lost in the shadows fell hard in the battle.
.
My Heart Beats for Love
-- Miley Cyrus
  








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