Young Writers Society

Two pairs of eyes traverse a room, and look
for one another's face. Though they don't know
who either is, and judge each other by
the book, they know the seeds that they would sew,
If they could somehow find a roaming fate,
They'd let the wayward wind around them go.

The eyes in question skim the crowd, but don't
know what they seek. They skim and search and read,
but never will they find the thing they want.
Unless, for once, they seek the thing they need.
Instead of high adventures on a wide
uncertain sea, their souls they should now feed.

The two would be much happier if they
could stay at home. The seas, however call
to them to make them come and roam. But life
should come foremost for them. If they now fall
In love, they will be happy ever more.
The adventuring sea would stop it's squall.

If they should know the choices they could make
who knows what they might choose? Their fate could be
decided by a face in a dark room
If they could only know, if they could see
the ways their lives could be if they gave up
adventuring on wide uncertain seas!

I love this! A reader can tell that you are an excellent poet by your word choice and how well the structure of your poem works.

If they should know the choices they could make
who knows what they might choose?

Just a punctuation nitpick there.

In love, they will be happy ever more
the adventuring sea would stop it's squall.

These might be my favorite lines of your poem. The wording is emotional and unique. However, I think you got the punctuation wrong. I think there should be a period after "more", and "the" on the next line should begin a sentence. Or maybe I'm just reading it wrong.
Overall, I can't say how much I loved this. Keep up the great work!
-Alex

Cheers! Thanks for asking, time to value the worth.

First I'd like to mention that I liked your way of 'narrating', If I focused only on words and what it shows me, I'd say this is a good piece indeed. Using sea as a medium and pretty much all the descriptions were pleasant, I had good time reading the poem.
However, I came across some bugs, which for me tasted bitter. It could be my own problem, I often find myself pointing out things that nobody else usually does, but I think the rhythm is forced in a few places. It feels like you did quite some chewing with the word placement. In some places the rhythm feels forced, then it roams free, but then again there's that something 'artificial' messing the rhythm up. If I'd ever draw how it looks in a graph, I'd end up with a wavy line that calms down a bit near half and then increases again. I'm sorry to be not very clear here, the problem is quite subtle enough for me not being able to pin point it precisely in the stanzas.

Also there's some confusion near the end.

decided by a face in a dark room - Am I missing a punctuation here or it's like this on purpose?
If they could only know, if they could see! - Seeing ! here made me stop for a second and continue from the next line, but doing that messes up the rhythm and doesn't seem right. Maybe leave this out and let the ! be at the very end?
the ways their lives could be if they gave up
adventuring on wide uncertain seas!

All in all, I'd like to say that I liked the poem despite the bugs. In my opinion there's a lot you can show the world and I think you'll be just getting better. I'm looking forward to seeing another piece of your work!

Best regards,
Kyou~

Hello there! Wonderful piece that made me put my thinking cap on! I like the idea at the beginning about two figures looking about in the dark. I know the feeling, and it's quite mysterious to experience and then write about. It seemed to flow nicely and the pattern was easy to read along with. Excellent job!

Thanks for the reviews everyone!