Young Writers Society

Hold on to your nightmares, the truth seems too real
Disaster has struck from the pain you conceal
Say goodbye to our memories, lock them away
The winding road you have followed, will lead you astray
Find your way home, search for that door
Your past can’t get you, not anymore

This was beautiful. I have to tell you the reason I clicked on this: I'm in the process of writing a trilogy (or trying to, at least) and I always wanted the second book to be titled "Hide". And when I read this, it's like it amazingly fit right in with the storyline. I'm not sure if I'll ever write this book but I really really really really loved this poem. Fantasic job!!!

This is very good, I like the length of it the best. Very short and to the point.

I agree with originalhobbit This poem may be short but it cuts straight to the point. It's very heartfelt, despite it's length and I'm sure many people can apply this to some part of their life at some point. So, very well done with the emotion.

One thing I will say though, is that you are probably better off using a semi-colon rather than a comma. For example:
Hold on to your nightmares; the truth seems too real

However, it flows just as well with the commas, so it's completely your choice whether or not you change that. I just thought that it would make more sense. It doesn't make much of a difference though

Overall, this piece was very well-written and you should be proud of it. Very well done and keep on writing!

This is an amazing poem, and I believe that its to far above my abilities to write, to judge. Its really good.

Hiya. I'll be reviewing your poem this evening (or morning, or whatever time it is).

First off, I'd like to add some punctuation to your piece.

itsjustemilie wrote:Hold on to your nightmares, the truth seems too real;
disaster has struck from the pain you conceal.
Say goodbye to our memories, lock them away;
the winding road you have followed will lead you astray.
Find your way home, search for that door;
your past can’t get you, not anymore.

Another thing I noticed is that you capitalize every line. While you are allowed to do that in poetry, it tends to steal from the flow of the actual piece, sometimes even making it a bit choppy. This piece has a great rhyme scheme, and it would help the flow to capitalize words that should be capitalized and leaving the rest lowercase, as well as adding in the punctuation. Of course, you don't necessarily have to keep your work as I wrote it above but it is a suggestion.

Other than that, I like this. It's very simple and to the point, and it gets your idea across very well. I especially love the first two lines - those are my favorites Great write, and keep it up!

I like that this seems to draw from personal emotion and experience- if I have one issue reading the poem, though, it's the rhyming. It feels very forced and unnatural. The rhythm of it is off, and what could be a very pretty poem read aloud is turned into something very awkward. It almost sounds juvenile. I would recommend that you not try to make it rhyme. I like that it's short, and it has a lot of potential.
I think that earendil's idea of adding punctuation really adds to the poem.
Here is a full edit. I feel like I've covered forced rhyming, so I'm not going to make a big deal of that in it:

Hold on to your nightmares, the truth seems too real This didn't make sense to me. Why would someone hold onto their nightmares? How does that connect to the truth?
Disaster has struck from the pain you conceal
Say goodbye to our memories, lock them away
The winding road you have followed, will lead you astray
Find your way home, search for that door This would be less awkward if there had been former mention of a symbolic door in the poem.
Your past can’t get you, not anymore This line has no real impact to me. It doesn't leave a lasting impression, in part due to the phrase "your past can't get you". The word "get" in particular just doesn't seem to work.

Hey man!
this was so beutifully writen and the words just seem to flow. I would concider extending it so readers can capture more of the emotion behind this and you can also express more but overall i love it!