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I can't believe I wrote this



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Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:07 pm
Idraax says...



I thought I'd take a break from my novel and post fragments of work that I wrote when I was in middle school. Looking back on them, I'm thinking, "I actually wrote this stuff!" You can laugh at how bad some of it is. :smt003

This was supposed to be a story I was working on, but I stopped. I remember wanting the raven to be Azrael, but never got that far.

The blade, whistling through the air, stopped inches from my heart.
“No,” he whispered”, I will not”
“Why,” I asked him, looking into his emerald eyes, he was ordered to, that was his reason for hunting me down.
“Because,” he looked steadily into my silvery- sapphire eyes “, this is not who you really are.”
I laughed “, that Gaberiel you knew is dead and long gone.”
He frowned “, that is not true and you know it.” He stepped closer footsteps crunching in the snow.
I smiled “, You delusion yourself Alexzander, but that won’t matter, you won’t be here very long anyway.” I reached for the sapphire studded knife in my belt drawing it out.
He eyed it warily “, you won’t,” he said stepping back a pace.
“You don’t know me,” I said and threw.

The knife cut through the air, inches above the place where his head had been. He pushed himself off the ground brushing snow off his green coat. “Gaberiel…,” he started to say.
“No,” I whispered “, I couldn’t have missed.” Alexzander stepped forward backing me up against the wall.
“Go away.” I started forward again.
“Gaberiel wait.” Alexzander grabbed my arm.
“Leave me alone!” I yelled pushing past him and disappearing into the night.

“Well that went well,” Alexzander muttered to himself “, the council is not going to be pleased.” He glanced in the direction Gaberiel had taken, then shook his head and started off in the opposite direction. Behind him the alley stood silent as the snow started falling harder. Above flew a single black raven, circling over the middle of the city.

I stopped, falling on my knees, panting to catch my breath. I looked up at the twisted, gnarled trees all around me, forming a circle.
‘Oh no... This is the last place I want to be!’ I thought looking at the obsidian stone in the center. There was a soft thump as a raven landed on the stone in front of me. Seeing it brought back memories of that day when everything changed…..

“Gaberiel,” Arazel said as he approached the solitary figure sitting on the stone. “You know you’re not supposed to sit on it remember?”
“Zaria sent you didn’t she?” He asked standing up.
Arazel looked down red hair covering his gray eyes “, Yes.”
“Then tell her that I already said no!” Gaberiel said angrily.
“She won’t take that for an answer”
“Then maybe she’ll take this for one,” Gaberiel replied throwing a knife at Arazel. The knife hit. Gaberiel looked shocked, he couldn’t say anything. Above him, he heard a raven screech and wheel off into the trees. Something inside him died, as something else changed everything around him. Gaberiel ran as everything began to die, ran until there was nothing left.

Zaria approached the stone looking at the rusty pool of blood on the ground.
“Are you sure there was no body Alexzander,” she asked turning to the brown haired man beside her.
“I’m sure,” he replied “, and the snow is making it hard to track him.”
Zaria turned to him, purple eyes flashing in the light “, I want you, specifically, to track him down and kill him”
“Kill him?”
“Yes, kill him, we cannot afford to let that power get away from us, understand?” She stared Alexzander in the eyes, until he finally looked away.
“Yes,” he muttered dully “, I understand’
Zaria smiled a predatory smile “, Good.”

A raven’s screech startled me out of my memories. I looked at the raven. “Go away,” I muttered dully. It gave an angry screech, but complied.
“Thank you,” I muttered and stood up. I took one last look at the center of the city and left. I hurried through the streets of the now dead city pushing back memories. They finally faded as I finally reached home.

“Why’d it die?” Gaberiel asked looking at the dead flower. He pushed back his long black hair and turned to Arazel.
“Not enough water I guess,” He looked at Gaberiel”, you should tie that up you know”
Gaberiel smiled “I know,” he said “, but I like it this way, it feels nice”
‘Well we better go we ‘re already late,” Arazel said standing up.
“Right”
But he paused as Arazel began walking down the path and fingered the flower. It tingled under his touch and started to brighten up.
“Are you coming,” Arazel asked, glancing back. He stood on the sandstone path waiting.
“I’m coming!” He hurried to catch up.


I woke up remembering the first time I had felt connected to the city. I had felt power, power like nothing I’ve ever felt before. And that scared me. I tried pushing it down, but she found out. She changed everything. I remember her calling me to her office. Her office was colored with the deepest blue blended into black.
“Sit down,” she said in a voice like a wind.
“Why am I here?”
She leaned forward, “Because you have power, power that could be of use to the city.”
“I don’t want it”
“You are obligated to use your power for the city.”
“I don’t like it and I don’t want it!”
She leaned back and laced her hands together, “But you must….for the good of the city”
“I don’t even know how to control it and you said yourself that no one can teach me”
“You can learn it yourself can you not?”
“At the risk of hurting others?”
“The risk will always be there. You just have to deal with it.”
“What if I hurt someone?”
She leaned forward, “That is a risk you must take”
“I’m not taking that risk!”

This was another story I was working on, but never finished.

The Borderlands are a crazy place filled with many wondrous things and creatures. The south, east and part of the west Borderlands are by the black forest. At the Easternmost, point of the Borderlands the black forest touches the Sea of Spiralis. The Sea of Spiralis was home to one of the most magical ships ever to sail its waters. Called the Fenrir, its captain was Idra Windrider, a wind user. She had black hair and silver eyes. Her ship had the same colors on its flag. Idra was sitting in the Bloody Goose, a tavern overlooking the Spiralis. She was currently drinking cider and staring out one of the Goose’s dirty windows. She looked up as footsteps approached her. ‘He looks like a starving artist,’ she thought studying him. He was shabby looking, but had eyes of the clearest blue, she’d ever seen. When he spoke, it was in a scratchy whisper.
“What is a lovely young lady like you doing sitting in this lonely corner,” he asked taking a seat across from her.
“Do you mind?”
“No at all,” she replied taking a sip, “what brings you here?”
“I’m looking for adventure”
“What kind?”
“Any”
She leaned back, “Well then I have a prop’osition for you, if you’re interested that is.”
“I’m interested”
She slipped him a piece of paper, “Meet me here as soon as you’ve cleared any obligations that you might have.”
She threw down some money and sauntered off. He looked after her, until he was out of sight and then turned back to the paper. Celestine dock, Fenrir. He grinned and nodded to the bartender before heading after her. The ship was in decent shape, it had no figurehead though.
“What happened to the figurehead,” he asked as soon as he saw her.
“It got blown off in the last storm we sailed into. My crew quit after we got into port. I asked you here ‘cause I need a new crew.”
“A crew?”
“Yeah, I’m in the trading business.”
“What kind of trade?”
“Any, it depends on the pay.”
“So, legal and illegal.”
“Yep, gonna be a problem?”
“Not at all”
“So, what’s yer name?”
“Kalereth”
“Any special abilities?”
He blinked at her, “What’d ya mean”
“Can ya calm storms, whistle up winds, stuff like that?”
“Oh, those kinds of things, I’m not good at that kind of stuff.”

I was planning on using this for a story, but never got around to it. If anyone wants to use this setting, feel free.

Night’s Plutonium Shore was enshrouded in eternal night. It was a small corner of Elaren and consisted of a city, the river and the docks. The moon hung in the sky, shining with a cold gleam. It was a half-moon tonight. The streets were lit by the glow of ornately sculpted lamps, hanging from steel poles, far above the silver tar. The buildings were a dark shadows among the skyline. The docks shone sliver as the moon glinted off the black steel. The water was a pale shade of gray lapping against the docks. The beach lit up the water with a green and golden glow. The green came from the many small rocks that littered the beach. All the streets ended at the docks, winding their way across the many borders that divided the city. The city was ruled over by five gangs that kept the order. Almost all of the people who lived in the city belonged to a gang. They wore black when on business and metallic colors in their free time. The only neutral places in the city were the library and Damien Valentino’s Pub. The librarian wore silver, Damien Valentino wore a golden suit, and a ridiculously large hat with a pair of white wings attached to them. Apparently, he was going through his messenger phase, again. In the city, half-moon days were neutral. The reason being that on one wanted to be on the receiving end of a mage’s anger, so they left them alone to cast their greater spells. The truce lasted from moonrise to moonset. Time was counted by the passage of the moon.

This was one of the potential beginnings I wrote for Alezrani, but you could interpret it as something else.

The word hung in the air. The sound of voices, muffled by sudden silence. After a moment, he broke the gaze, stared at the table.
“I can’t,” he said,” not again” He heard the thump of a cup being set down and slowly looked up.
“I’m not asking for much, Seres,” the other man said, “you don’t have to get involved, well not very involved.” Seres looked at him, then: faded black hair, shadows under his eyes, the way he slumped in the chair almost boneless. He looked at the cup, coffee, his sixth.
“You’re running from them,” he said,” I don’t want to get involved with this.”
“All I’m asking you is for a place to stay.”
“They’ll come for you. It’ll be like last time,” he leaned back, twining his fingers in the fringe of his scarf.
“This time it’s different.”
“Only the circumstances, Wolf.”
“It’ll be different, trust me.”
He laughed, the sound startled Wolf, “The last time you said that, I got stuck with a job I didn’t want.” Wolf took a sip and leaned forward.
“If I could ask someone else, I would,” he said.
Seres meet his eyes again, tired silver pleading with bright gold,” Don’t ask me this”
“I have to “
He sighed and rose from the table, ” My answer stands”
Wolf rose and put a hand on his shoulder, ” Will you at least listen….maybe you can recommend someone.”
“Just listening?”
“Yes…you have my word”
He shrugged of the hand and shook his head, “Your word means nothing, you broke it once, remember?” Wolf opened his mouth to speak and closed it. Seres looked at him once and started for the door.

This was a challenge to myself to see if I could write a kissing scene. I also attempted to write an erotic one, but that will never, again, see the light of day. I am still sort of mortified when I look back at this scene. Don't say I didn't warn you, but the scene takes place between two guys. This does not have anything to do with Alezrani, I just used the characters I knew the best.

"Is that the last cup of coffee?"
Seres glanced at the cup on the table, "Yes, and it's mine"
Wolf shrugged, "Can't we split or something?"
Seres frowned," We're not that intimate"
Wolf flushed," That's not-"
"I know what you meant," Seres looked faintly apologetic, "sorry, I already took a sip."
"What! I didn't see…when?"
"Just before you got here," Seres took another sip.
"It's the last cup of coffee and you didn't think to split it," Wolf sounded incredulous.
Seres shrugged, "Sorry…I honestly thought there was more."
Wolf frowned, paused, then strode over and drank the contents.
"Hey," Seres protested, "that was mine"
"Sorry," Wolf didn't sound sorry at all.
Seres crossed his arms, "How am I supposed to wake up now?"
Wolf raised an eyebrow, " Aren't you already awake?"
Seres yawned, "If I was…you wouldn't have been able to steal my cup."
"Point," Wolf started to grin.
Seres frowned," What" He didn't like that look," What are you planning?"
"I thought of something to wake you up," Wolf said leaning closer. Seres blinked, was that a purr.
"Whatever it is count me ou-" The last part was lost as Wolf kissed him. Seres' eyes snapped open and he tried to push Wolf away. Wolf pulled back, "Well?"
"What was that," Seres asked, staring.
Wolf got up, "Your wake up call." He headed for the door," Enjoy the taste" He walked out. Seres licked his lips. Wolf had tasted like coffee.
Check these out please! :)
Alezrani
Will review for food thread
  





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Points: 1320
Reviews: 6
Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:13 pm
UncleJimmy says...



The blade, whistling through the air, stopped inches from my heart.
“No,” he whispered”, I will not”
“Why,” I asked him, looking into his emerald eyes, he was ordered to, that was his reason for hunting me down.
“Because,” he looked steadily into my silvery- sapphire eyes “, this is not who you really are.”
I laughed “, that Gaberiel you knew is dead and long gone.”
He frowned “, that is not true and you know it.” He stepped closer footsteps crunching in the snow.
I smiled “, You delusion yourself Alexzander, but that won’t matter, you won’t be here very long anyway.” I reached for the sapphire studded knife in my belt drawing it out.
He eyed it warily “, you won’t,” he said stepping back a pace.
“You don’t know me,” I said and threw.

The knife cut through the air, inches above the place where his head had been. He pushed himself off the ground brushing snow off his green coat. “Gaberiel…,” he started to say.
“No,” I whispered “, I couldn’t have missed.” Alexzander stepped forward backing me up against the wall.
“Go away.” I started forward again.
“Gaberiel wait.” Alexzander grabbed my arm.
“Leave me alone!” I yelled pushing past him and disappearing into the night.

“Well that went well,” Alexzander muttered to himself “, the council is not going to be pleased.” He glanced in the direction Gaberiel had taken, then shook his head and started off in the opposite direction. Behind him the alley stood silent as the snow started falling harder. Above flew a single black raven, circling over the middle of the city. (Change of view, from first to third person)

I stopped, falling on my knees, panting to catch my breath. I looked up at the twisted, gnarled trees all around me, forming a circle.
‘Oh no... This is the last place I want to be!’ I thought looking at the obsidian stone in the center. There was a soft thump as a raven landed on the stone in front of me. Seeing it brought back memories of that day when everything changed…..

“Gaberiel,” Arazel said as he approached the solitary figure sitting on the stone. “You know you’re not supposed to sit on it remember?”
“Zaria sent you didn’t she?” He asked standing up.
Arazel looked down red hair covering his gray eyes “, Yes.”
“Then tell her that I already said no!” Gaberiel said angrily.
“She won’t take that for an answer”
“Then maybe she’ll take this for one,” Gaberiel replied throwing a knife at Arazel. The knife hit. Gaberiel looked shocked, he couldn’t say anything. Above him, he heard a raven screech and wheel off into the trees. Something inside him died, as something else changed everything around him. Gaberiel ran as everything began to die, ran until there was nothing left.
(change of view again)

Zaria approached the stone looking at the rusty pool of blood on the ground.
“Are you sure there was no body Alexzander,” she asked turning to the brown haired man beside her.
“I’m sure,” he replied “, and the snow is making it hard to track him.”
Zaria turned to him, purple eyes flashing in the light “, I want you, specifically, to track him down and kill him”
“Kill him?”
“Yes, kill him, we cannot afford to let that power get away from us, understand?” She stared Alexzander in the eyes, until he finally looked away.
“Yes,” he muttered dully “, I understand’
Zaria smiled a predatory smile “, Good.”
(How does the main character know this happened?)
A raven’s screech startled me out of my memories. I looked at the raven. “Go away,” I muttered dully. It gave an angry screech, but complied.
“Thank you,” I muttered and stood up. I took one last look at the center of the city and left. I hurried through the streets of the now dead city pushing back memories. They finally faded as I finally reached home.

“Why’d it die?” Gaberiel asked looking at the dead flower. He pushed back his long black hair and turned to Arazel.
“Not enough water I guess,” He looked at Gaberiel”, you should tie that up you know”
Gaberiel smiled “I know,” he said “, but I like it this way, it feels nice”
‘Well we better go we ‘re already late,” Arazel said standing up.
“Right”
But he paused as Arazel began walking down the path and fingered the flower. It tingled under his touch and started to brighten up.
“Are you coming,” Arazel asked, glancing back. He stood on the sandstone path waiting.
“I’m coming!” He hurried to catch up.
(change of view)

I woke up remembering the first time I had felt connected to the city. I had felt power, power like nothing I’ve ever felt before. And that scared me. I tried pushing it down, but she found out. She changed everything. I remember her calling me to her office. Her office was colored with the deepest blue blended into black.
“Sit down,” she said in a voice like a wind.
“Why am I here?”
She leaned forward, “Because you have power, power that could be of use to the city.”
“I don’t want it”
“You are obligated to use your power for the city.”
“I don’t like it and I don’t want it!”
She leaned back and laced her hands together, “But you must….for the good of the city”
“I don’t even know how to control it and you said yourself that no one can teach me”
“You can learn it yourself can you not?”
“At the risk of hurting others?”
“The risk will always be there. You just have to deal with it.”
“What if I hurt someone?”
She leaned forward, “That is a risk you must take”
“I’m not taking that risk!”

Other than the continual change of view, it was a great story.

This was another story I was working on, but never finished.

The Borderlands are a crazy place filled with many wondrous things and creatures. The south, east and part of the west Borderlands are by the black forest. At the Easternmost, point of the Borderlands the black forest touches the Sea of Spiralis. The Sea of Spiralis was home to one of the most magical ships ever to sail its waters. Called the Fenrir, its captain was Idra Windrider, a wind user. She had black hair and silver eyes. Her ship had the same colors on its flag. Idra was sitting in the Bloody Goose, a tavern overlooking the Spiralis. She was currently drinking cider and staring out one of the Goose’s dirty windows. She looked up as footsteps approached her. ‘He looks like a starving artist,’ she thought studying him. He was shabby looking, but had eyes of the clearest blue, she’d ever seen. When he spoke, it was in a scratchy whisper.
“What is a lovely young lady like you doing sitting in this lonely corner,” he asked taking a seat across from her.
“Do you mind?”
“No at all,” she replied taking a sip, “what brings you here?”
“I’m looking for adventure”
“What kind?”
“Any”
She leaned back, “Well then I have a prop’osition for you, if you’re interested that is.”
“I’m interested”
She slipped him a piece of paper, “Meet me here as soon as you’ve cleared any obligations that you might have.”
She threw down some money and sauntered off. He looked after her, until he was out of sight and then turned back to the paper. Celestine dock, Fenrir. He grinned and nodded to the bartender before heading after her. The ship was in decent shape, it had no figurehead though.
“What happened to the figurehead,” he asked as soon as he saw her.
“It got blown off in the last storm we sailed into. My crew quit after we got into port. I asked you here ‘cause I need a new crew.”
“A crew?”
“Yeah, I’m in the trading business.”
“What kind of trade?”
“Any, it depends on the pay.”
“So, legal and illegal.”
“Yep, gonna be a problem?”
“Not at all”
“So, what’s yer name?”
“Kalereth”
“Any special abilities?”
He blinked at her, “What’d ya mean”
“Can ya calm storms, whistle up winds, stuff like that?”
“Oh, those kinds of things, I’m not good at that kind of stuff.”

Interesting!!

I was planning on using this for a story, but never got around to it. If anyone wants to use this setting, feel free.

Night’s Plutonium Shore was enshrouded in eternal night. It was a small corner of Elaren and consisted of a city, the river and the docks. The moon hung in the sky, shining with a cold gleam. It was a half-moon tonight. The streets were lit by the glow of ornately sculpted lamps, hanging from steel poles, far above the silver tar. The buildings were a dark shadows among the skyline. The docks shone sliver as the moon glinted off the black steel. The water was a pale shade of gray lapping against the docks. The beach lit up the water with a green and golden glow. The green came from the many small rocks that littered the beach. All the streets ended at the docks, winding their way across the many borders that divided the city. The city was ruled over by five gangs that kept the order. Almost all of the people who lived in the city belonged to a gang. They wore black when on business and metallic colors in their free time. The only neutral places in the city were the library and Damien Valentino’s Pub. The librarian wore silver, Damien Valentino wore a golden suit, and a ridiculously large hat with a pair of white wings attached to them. Apparently, he was going through his messenger phase, again. In the city, half-moon days were neutral. The reason being that on one wanted to be on the receiving end of a mage’s anger, so they left them alone to cast their greater spells. The truce lasted from moonrise to moonset. Time was counted by the passage of the moon.

I'm going to get boring, by continually saying, Great!!

This was one of the potential beginnings I wrote for Alezrani, but you could interpret it as something else.

The word hung in the air. The sound of voices, muffled by sudden silence. After a moment, he broke the gaze, stared at the table.
“I can’t,” he said,” not again” He heard the thump of a cup being set down and slowly looked up.
“I’m not asking for much, Seres,” the other man said, “you don’t have to get involved, well not very involved.” Seres looked at him, then: faded black hair, shadows under his eyes, the way he slumped in the chair almost boneless. He looked at the cup, coffee, his sixth.
“You’re running from them,” he said,” I don’t want to get involved with this.”
“All I’m asking you is for a place to stay.”
“They’ll come for you. It’ll be like last time,” he leaned back, twining his fingers in the fringe of his scarf.
“This time it’s different.”
“Only the circumstances, Wolf.”
“It’ll be different, trust me.”
He laughed, the sound startled Wolf, “The last time you said that, I got stuck with a job I didn’t want.” Wolf took a sip and leaned forward.
“If I could ask someone else, I would,” he said.
Seres meet his eyes again, tired silver pleading with bright gold,” Don’t ask me this”
“I have to “
He sighed and rose from the table, ” My answer stands”
Wolf rose and put a hand on his shoulder, ” Will you at least listen….maybe you can recommend someone.”
“Just listening?”
“Yes…you have my word”
He shrugged of the hand and shook his head, “Your word means nothing, you broke it once, remember?” Wolf opened his mouth to speak and closed it. Seres looked at him once and started for the door.

Great!!

This was a challenge to myself to see if I could write a kissing scene. I also attempted to write an erotic one, but that will never, again, see the light of day. I am still sort of mortified when I look back at this scene. Don't say I didn't warn you, but the scene takes place between two guys. This does not have anything to do with Alezrani, I just used the characters I knew the best.

"Is that the last cup of coffee?"
Seres glanced at the cup on the table, "Yes, and it's mine"
Wolf shrugged, "Can't we split or something?"
Seres frowned," We're not that intimate"
Wolf flushed," That's not-"
"I know what you meant," Seres looked faintly apologetic, "sorry, I already took a sip."
"What! I didn't see…when?"
"Just before you got here," Seres took another sip.
"It's the last cup of coffee and you didn't think to split it," Wolf sounded incredulous.
Seres shrugged, "Sorry…I honestly thought there was more."
Wolf frowned, paused, then strode over and drank the contents.
"Hey," Seres protested, "that was mine"
"Sorry," Wolf didn't sound sorry at all.
Seres crossed his arms, "How am I supposed to wake up now?"
Wolf raised an eyebrow, " Aren't you already awake?"
Seres yawned, "If I was…you wouldn't have been able to steal my cup."
"Point," Wolf started to grin.
Seres frowned," What" He didn't like that look," What are you planning?"
"I thought of something to wake you up," Wolf said leaning closer. Seres blinked, was that a purr.
"Whatever it is count me ou-" The last part was lost as Wolf kissed him. Seres' eyes snapped open and he tried to push Wolf away. Wolf pulled back, "Well?"
"What was that," Seres asked, staring.
Wolf got up, "Your wake up call." He headed for the door," Enjoy the taste" He walked out. Seres licked his lips. Wolf had tasted like coffee.

Unfortunately, that is not the type of story that I like, but the writing is good.
  





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65 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 248
Reviews: 65
Sat Oct 30, 2010 7:28 pm
dasiamari says...



This story was really good. Only one thing should it be delude instead of delusion " you delusion your self"
Know that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she'll think of me as a plain old Jain told a story 'bout a man who was to afraid to fly so he never did land. ~Train
  








Just because you don't feel like a hero in your own story, doesn't mean you're not a hero in someone else's.
— Tenyo