Of darkness and ducks

Spoiler

I was actually writing a sad depressing poem when I got tired of it and went in a completely different direction XD Its not the best possible poem it could be which is why I posted it up here. Beyond the general grammar corrections I am also looking for a few tips on style, form, and anything else you can think of

I’m tired of sad poetry,
Reminding me that all life sucks,
Why not some cute poetry,
Of fluffy little ducks?

I’m jaded by all these sad stories,
The unbidden rivers of my tears,
What happened to the joy filled feasts?
People jubilantly toasting “cheers!”

I'm sick of all the moans and groans,
Old ghosts rattling ancient chains.
What happened to wide open eyes,
Passionate blood dancing through young veins?

I know, for heavens sakes, I know!
That life is festering, pulsing, and stark.
I‘m reminded everyday of my life,
Of the dangerous line we walk in the dark.

It simply strikes me strange you see,
that we are so exceedingly proud,
Of this coal black hangman's noose,
This common poor man's shroud…

This says what I have been trying to tell people for a long time now. I think you hit the nail on the head on this one. It was very entertaining and I loved your word choice. Brava!

A crushing blow to pessamists everywhere! I once wrote a similar poem in the margins of my Philosophy textbook entitled "Ode to the Duck Gentleman" which championed our feathered friends as a medium of spreading joy and cummerbunds to the masses. Nicely excecuted and fun to read, more than can be said for the seething tide of tortured pre-teens, whom I must defeat with sound wits and sharper sword on a weekly basis...

I tend to be a fairly doom- and- gloom poet who writes a lot of emotional stuff (whether bad or good). But I can honestly say, I liked this! Very interesting, with an agreeable message, and I like that you didn't take yourself too seriously with it. You were just letting yourself write whatever "nonsense" came along and cheer up. That said, it wasn't actually bad as you sort of mentioned it might be. It wasn't a pretentious sort of masterpiece thing (does that make sense?), but it was good in a more free way.

'm sick of all the moans and groans,
Old ghosts rattling ancient chains.
What happened to wide open eyes,
Passionate blood dancing through young veins?

I know, for heavens sakes, I know!
That life is festering, pulsing, and stark.
I‘m reminded everyday of my life,
Of the dangerous line we walk in the dark.

I. Love. This. Part. A lot. I don't think you know. I can't even explain why, but I really liked it.
Never stop writing! <3

Ode to the Duck Gentleman

O! Mr Duck, thou art so pretty,
So very suave, when life is shitty.
You drive all those Duck-Ladies mad!
You're here to stay, I am so glad
to say you're style's impeccable.
In hat and tie, oh so respectable.
A funny joke a here and there,
You're a Mallard without the slightest care!
I cry my woes to you, Sir Duck! You say...
"I couldn't really give...a f**k"

XD Thanks for all the positive reviews guys! It makes me feel a thousand time cheerier


O.o Bad form mista duck, bad form! (waggles finger in a chastising fashion) XD

I love this it's so touching but your right people need to write poetry that is cheerfull and happy like pigs, oceans, sunsetsetc people really need to talk about happy peotry I would like to see a poet on happy little pigs they are so cute and happy I just want to hug one

i love how you wrote the poem it had a really great start and finished with a bang it was qwite interesting it brought a spark to my eyes and its very impressive and always listen to your heart when writing poetry by the way and only listen to comements that are nice and dont worrry about the mean comments ********panda21*********

Im tired of sad poetry,
Reminding me that all life sucks,
Why not some cute poetry,
Of fluffy little ducks?
The rhymes in this stanza are a bit awkward.

Im jaded by all these sad stories,
The unbidden rivers of my tears,
What happened to the joy filled feasts?
People jubilantly toasting cheers! Nice stanza!


I'm sick of all the moans and groans,
Old ghosts rattling ancient chains. Very nice line.
What happened to wide open eyes,
Passionate blood dancing through young veins?

I know, for heavens sakes, I know!
That life is festering, pulsing, and stark.
Im reminded everyday of my life,
Of the dangerous line we walk in the dark.

It simply strikes me strange you see,
that we are so exceedingly proud,
Of this coal black hangman's noose,
This common poor man's shroud
All the rest is great.

Very nice poem. And I like the message. I too am fed up with pessimism. Keep writing.