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Young Writers Society


Sic Semper Tyrannis



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7 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 900
Reviews: 7
Sat Oct 01, 2011 9:16 am
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RileyJ says...



I'll wear my bandana
and raise my black flag
and remind them of
civilians carried
away in black bags.
Nobody listens
I'm a waste of their time
I wonder if MKULTRA
is still controlling
their minds.
Then there's the problem
with the "second Reichstag,"
you know, the reason
we went into Baghdad.
We have felt the abuses
despotism has arrived
it's what our fathers said
is that so contrived?
I'm done with asking
the fascists' permission
to protest their prisons
it's not their decision.
So if you are one
of the ones who can hear
we must take a stand
the revolution is here.
  





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80 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 333
Reviews: 80
Sat Oct 01, 2011 9:41 am
polinkacreations says...



Hey there:)
This is one of the first poems with a political view I have seen in a while, and I must say, it's good.
In a way that if someone doesn't agree, the poem is written beautifully. Personally, I loved this part:
I'm done with asking
the fascists' permission
to protest their prisons
it's not their decision.

For some reason, it reminded me of those early Green Day songs:D
It might be a good idea to split your poem into verses, so they're easier to read and each carries an idea.
Some nitpicking:
to protest their prisons:
it's not their decision

we must take a stand :

Just some punctuation issues, can be fixed in a flash:)

Otherwise, I really liked it, it's written very well, and carries a deep meaning.
Keep it up;)
xx polly
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
  





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36 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 310
Reviews: 36
Sat Oct 01, 2011 1:42 pm
0o0Redrum0o0 says...



I love this poem! I definitely think you should post it on a sign or banner and use it as a protest. I don't recall any grammar errors, and it flowed well for the most part. All in all, a perfect poem that made me smile :)
When I give up, I'm not showing weakness.
Sometimes, I'm just showing enough strength to move on.
  








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