The Bird

The bird in my chest
Is thrusting
Against the ivory
Of my rib cage
The noise
Of its fear
Unables my thoughts
And I
Like the bird
Thrust against
The stillness of the world

Hey there =] I only found one mistake I think unable should be enable, but I'm not quite sure. I really liked this though. It was short, sweet, but still kept you wondering a little about what exactly is going on. Job well done =]

Love it. It's short but that makes it better (in my opinion). I can't imagine it any longer. Just by reading this I got an imagine in my head. And it makes me curious of what the narrator is going through. Great job.

~JustMe

Short, simple, and stupendous, this is one of the best poems I have ever read. I have no critiques, I just wanted to tell you how awesome it is.

I'm not sure unable makes grammatic sense, the way you used it, but other than that, I liked the poem.

This is very good! The simplicity makes it all the more powerful. Kudos!

Hello there. I agree with Veritas that the simplicity of it makes it more powerful! I didn't see anything wrong that hasn't been pointed out already. Great job, keep it up! And if you need anything else reviewed, just shoot me a PM and I'd be more than happy to take a look at it

--Tabby

I really like this poem. Its expressive metaphorically and honestly thats how I feel poetry should be. Bravo!!

MonikaTZ wrote:The bird in my chest
Is thrusting
Against the ivory
Of my rib cage
The noise
Of its fear
Unables my thoughts I think you mean "disables"
And I Sounds like a split personality

The imagery of the bird in you chest is awesome. This is a really cool poem!

The bird in my chest
Is thrusting
Against the ivory
Of my rib cage
The noise
Of its fear
Unables my thoughts
And I
Like the bird
Thrust against
The stillness of the world

So... I don't know what to think of this poem. Lol, I'm torn between liking it and just kind of like, "Eh..." I don't think it's bad at all, no, I think it's good, I just don't know if it really... does anything for me. I dunno how to explain it. Ummm, lemme think.

I think the title is very direct and summaritive. That's all fine and dandy.

I like how it's split up and choppy
with lots
of
breaks.
I think that works very well with the poem because it makes me feel like
the bird
is thrusting
against
the cage.
Each separate line is a push and shove.

I believe you could have been a bit more original in your language. You could spice it up a bit with different word choice, but I don't know what all you could really change, it's a short poem. And I think short poems are hard to critique... What I mean is maybe use a different word besides "ivory". Ivory I feel is over used a lot, and there are other colors to describe off-whites. I just read a poem that used the word ivory to describe something. Use synonyms. I mean, you don't have to be all fancy with the word choice, but there are other words meaning ivory like cream, pearl, and beige, even.

I think, yes, you need to expand it, because so far, while it's good and purty and everything, I as a reader don't really get much out of it. I mean, I understand it, but it doesn't appeal to me or provoke any thoughts to me. And that's just my opinion, other may have the full right, including you, not to agree with anythign I'm saying, hehe. I just want to let you know that I, personally, don't find it exciting. It's interesting yes, but not exciting interesting.
And I think really a good thing is that it's so short, because if it were longer I think you would have people reading it and wondering when it was going to be over. But I dunno, once again that's just my thoughts.

But, even though I seem to be contradicting everythign I've said, I did like it. It makes me remember stories about birds I've read before.
And it kind of makes me sad, because the narrator not only has a bird inside wanting to get out, but they, too, are caged like the bird and want to be free as well.

I do want to credit you on lack of punctuation. I think punctuation would have made it too cut and too sharp. I don't believe all poems have to have their t's crossed and their i's dotted. I know for some punctuation should probably be used just for flow and rhythm, but here it's more about the lines that create the read rather than punctuation, and so I think it works well this way.

Anyway, that's all I have to say. Sorry if that was a useless review. Or if I sounded like a jerk...