Confusion

Emptiness is inside,
blankness is outside.
My heart is in my head,
my head is in my heart.
Words are silent,
Emotions take charge.
My anger portrayed,
my other feelings hidden away.
Nothing is right,
Yet nothing is wrong.
Am I ever so happy
or ever so sad.
Is this world real,
or is it a fake?
This can not be happening,
it must be a mistake.

Hi! I really enjoyed this poem. I can hear this confusion and frustration in your voice. You did a great job at portaying emotion. I loved how you sort-of rambled on but kept the poem coherent. One thing I'd suggest: scrap punctuation. I know I'm going to offend some punctuation enthusiasts here, but I really dont think your piece needs it. It flows in this quirky, out of control kind of way, and I think periods and commas ect get in the way of that. It does have an official name: an enjamberment. But, this is all just my opinion. You get a keen like from me. Keep up the good work, Russ, (Can I call you that? Only, I hate having to to call a YWSer by their full username)
~ Alia

Emptiness is inside,
blankness is outside.
My heart is in my head,
my head is in my heart.
Words are silent,
Emotions take charge.
My anger portrayed,
my feelings hidden away.

I just love how you started this out!! I can just tell how you started with this piece, like for exaple:
Inside,outside,head,heart,silent,charge,portrayed, and hidden this is really good way to start off the poem and then working your way up, nice job with this piece!!

Emptiness is inside,
blankness is outside.
My heart is in my head,
my head is in my heart.

i love you're whole poem!
but the first four lines were my favorite!!
=))

Its good. It gives me and image of a person in an empty room in the dark with no way out, searching for a way out. You did a very good job in giving the right mood and the right image. Very well worded as well. Thumbs up!!

Just let me start off by saying AWESOME! at first i read it and im like 'this is really good' then i seen your only 13. wow you have pure raw talent and have a good way of showing your emotions.

keep up the good work!

I love this! You definitely portrayed confusion well, and the lines flowed smoothly. And I absolutely loved the end!

CuteJackRussell wrote:Am I ever so happy
or ever so sad.
Is this world real,
or is it a fake.

These two sentences are questions. They should have question marks.

Other than that great job! Keep writing

~Kitty

ur poem was awesome,so dnt stop writing. will u look @ a poem of mine? i just posted it and i need fresh eyes to take a look at it. its a narrative poem and the name is nothing friendly, nothing pleasant. thnx! oh, and keep writing!

It says:
My anger portrayed,
My feelings hidden away.
But isn't anger a feeling? It seems to be contradicting. I really liked the poem though. My favorite lines are "Words are silent, Emotions take charge." If you're going to capitalize the first letter of each line (which you should do), then capitalize the first letter of EVERY line. Really good poem.

This poem is great! its short but powerful, i like it