Rain

6 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1855
Reviews 30
This was an assignment.
--------------------------------------------------

Wet
Small
Falling to earth
Like tiny tears from God
Sometimes

Warm
Sunny
Still moist
Like a little cloud
Just for you
Sometimes

Freezing
Almost snow
Miserable
But beautiful
Like it's putting
On a show
Sometimes

Steamy
Misty
Almost
Not there
Hard to tell
If it is
Like a shadow
Sometimes
Unless somone like you cares a whole aweful lot
Nothing is going to get better, it's not

- The Lorax, Dr. Suess




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 7522
Reviews 229
Hello sageleaf! Just a quick review. I really liked this poem. I've short and simple and sweet. The only critisism I have is the 'sometimes' you write at the end of each stanza. I don't get It at all. Why is supposed to be there? Other than that, a great piece of work. Keep it up and I can't wait to read more of your pieces!
~ Amelia :)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 7
Hey [: This was really good, but the only thing I'd maybe change was the repeating of the word "sometimes" and where you put that word. The punctuation and descriptions were amazing though. Keep writing.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1704
Reviews 35
Hey! I think this poem is cute =) I actually like the way you put sometimes at the end of each stanza, its saying sometimes rain is like sometimes its like this hahaha =) You use really good words that put pictures in your head aswell. I thought it was simple and sweet and fun to read =D




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1869
Reviews 51
HI,
first of all well done, it was pretty and simple. i like your pictures a lot and the imagination there is cute.
i like sometimes in each stanza. i thought you meant that those pictures doesn't seem that all the time! though you can replace "sometimes" in the middle stanzas with something else to maintain the flow.
i like it, Keep up and update us with more :D
<3 Princess of Neverland <3




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 13173
Reviews 150
ugh. One thing that bugged me was that every new line started with a capital. You don't have to do that, you capitalize and punctuate poetry like you would prose. If there's no new sentence, why have a capital? It bugs me. Sorry.

Content wise, I enjoyed it. I think the minimalistic style really helped make this poem a success. I also thought you structured it well, ending with the sort of mysterious 'not' 'maybe' rain. I don't know about ending on the word 'sometimes' on every stanza but hey... it didn't bother me too much. I'd give you an A probably.

best,
my webcomic debuts eventually
http://vanmen.tumblr.com/
my blog updated occasionally
http://unmagnificent.wordpress.com/



It's unsettling to know how little separates each of us from another life altogether.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore