It’s that pivotal moment:
That moment where you realize
That life won’t be anything near
Where you had anticipated it.
It’s disorienting,
And you feel reality slicing your soul away
From your bones,
Your muscles,
Your veins.
Your blood runs freely in your past.
You are no longer you
You watch yourself,
Your family,
You watch it all slip through time.
You’re so disconnected.
You don’t even know who you are anymore
Who am I?
What am I doing with my life?
What is my motivation to keep going?
I lost my childhood in that one instant.
My sweet naïveté slipped away from me
With a quick snip.
Just a few words and suddenly
I was a different person.
I used to never be without a reason to smile.
I used to run around and laugh,
And bring joy to others.
But with those words,
That child packed her bags.
She got up and left a sombre,
Quiet and unhappy woman in her wake;
A woman who sees
No reason to follow the rules,
No reason to care what anyone thinks.
And all she could ever do was
Think of what she didn’t get to have,
Because she lost much more than her childhood
In that instant.
And she knows she shouldn’t wallow in self pity,
And she hates herself for it,
But she can’t make it stop.
Who am I now?
I wish I could tell you,
But I haven’t yet had
The opportunity to make my acquaintance.
