No Sympathy.

You mean well,
but your making it worse.
Crushing me with sympathy,
is turning this pain into a curse.

My heart yearns,
for a simple no.
Don't hang me up high,
just to pull me down low.

If I'm not what you want,
I completely understand.
Don't think I'll sink,
into depression sand.

Don't apologize,
no sympathetic frown.
It makes me feel,
Like I deserve a Jesters crown.

If your going to make me fall,
at least attempt to trip me.
Don't let me fall all on my own,
I'm begging you, Corey Lee.

I thought...

That this was amazing. I don't know why though. It just appealed to me, in an unusual way.

Wow. This is amazing, Hessica. I must say you're an awesome poet. I love every single word. It flows greatly, and it's simple and catchy. It reminds me of a quote, "If you love me let me know. If not, please gently let me go."
My favorite Stanza is the last one and I love the boy's name:

HessicaJolt wrote:If your going to make me fall,
at least attempt to trip me.
Don't let me fall all on my own,
I'm begging you, Corey Lee.

I would take out the period from the title though, but that's me. (I'm not sure if it's grammatically incorrect to use periods on the title or not) Other than that, it was beautiful, I enjoyed it and I hope to read more from you! <3
Keep writing,
Solvy

Reading through some of your work. The poetry mostly, seeing as I'm not in a story mood. This poem dragged me in and used the imagery that I needed to understand what you're going through. I love your work because it shows me exactly how you feel. My suggestion would be to lay off the punctuation for multiple lines at a time only because it can start so seem a bit clumped in moments.

Nice poem! I love the poetic diction cause it's so self-explanatory. I also love the fact that the poem acts as the window into your emotions. Giving your poem a voice. The voice sounds as if it as an hint of anger and also realization of the truth or if possible new found discretion. I like your style! Keep it up!

Overall, I really liked this poem. I thought it had a strong voice throughout the poem. I second basically all of KhardanJakk's comments. The "depression sand" phrase seemed forced to me, like you were just trying to match the rhyme. Also, you don't need a comma at the end of every line. That makes the flow rather choppy. I'd suggest taking out any commas that wouldn't be there in prose.

Overall, a lovely poem, just needs some cleaning up. Keep writing!

Hi HessicaJolt,

The title pretty much sums up an appropriate response.

Your poem seems to be attempting to grow images haphazardly in a dark lab and then ripping them out by the roots before they have managed to spread leaves at all. What's left is just a sad reminder that there was once some potential in these lines, a crater in the dirt.

Depression sand? What is depression sand? This sloppy mix of concrete and abstract makes for as appealing a meal as throwing together a raw tomato and a lettuce leaf - and calling it a house salad. If you want to create an image (say, sand) then work on that image instead of just throwing it into the reader's face and moving on before he has a chance to even catch it, let alone examine it.

This same criticism can be applied to so many of the descriptions present, such as the crown of the jester and the falling into the abyss that takes place near the end. Take that crown and extrapolate. What does it signify? How does it relate to the fall from grace - the reduction of emperor to common joker?

The poem in general looks to be very personal. If you send it as-is, expect the receiver to (hopefully) think less of your ability to communicate ideas. Or, you could scrap this and start over.

Hope that helped,
Galerius

I like this poem a lot, it's simple, it's direct and blunt, but it screams with emotion! Good flow and good rhyme scheme as well!

I enjoyed how you concluded the poem in a unique manner by using an actual person's name, well done on that too!

Keep writing!