lanky fingers and rosy cheeks.

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saying hello to you with our eyes
is enough for me
for a while now, we'll be near
will i have the nerve?
will my voice come out of hiding... where could it be
alright, it's time
here we are, busy listening to someone else talk
while all i can think about is you
you say your name, not to me, of course, but to the group
can't help but notice you're inching closer, though
does that mean anything?
or are those just your usual ways
i have absolutely no idea who you are
but my heart forgets that fact
floating as we lightly collide
your lanky fingers hold open the door for me
...why must my cheeks flourish so
we all say goodbye, but i'm glad you don't
as you look to me, walk over, and just stand with me
i sigh. guess my temporary fun has ended
"Paul", they call you
wait, could that be...
oh yes, you happen to be passing by again
for the last time
now i must convince myself it's over
but thanks for giving me this day, Gregory
- baby, please don't go -
- who do you think you are? -
- i was enchanted to meet you -
- you're the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart -
- until the morning sun you're mine, all mine -
- there's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words 4 you... i love you -




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Goin' for the e. e. cummings style, huh?

Very nice. There's something about it that needs work.... it's rambly? I can't quite put my finger on it at the moment.

I was confused by the name change at the end. What's up with that?
"Ok, Lolpup. You can be a girl worth fighting for."
--Pengu




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Reviews 23
GracieBee62 wrote:saying hello to you with our eyes
is enough for me
for a while now, we'll be near
will i have the nerve?
will my voice come out of hiding... where could it be?
alright, it's time
here we are, busy listening to someone else talk
while all i can think about is you
you say your name, not to me, of course, but to the group
can't help but notice you're inching closer, though
does that mean anything?
or are those just your usual ways
i have absolutely no idea who you are
but my heart forgets that fact
floating as we lightly collide
your lanky fingers hold open the door for me
...why must my cheeks flourish so
we all say goodbye, but i'm glad you don't
as you look to me, walk over, and just stand with me
i sigh. guess my temporary fun has ended
"Paul", they call you
wait, could that be...
oh yes, you happen to be passing by again
for the last time
now i must convince myself it's over
but thanks for giving me this day, Gregory(This is utterly confusing. First he's called Paul, then Gregory?

Good Job! :)
Why can't we have drops of sunshine, and rays of rain?




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Points 67823
Reviews 254
Hello there.
You have a very confusing poem over here. You have totally messed a lot of things together over here. It lacks structure. It lacks rhythm. It lacks flow. And, it lacks punctuations.


saying hello to you with our eyes Saying hello to you with my eyes
is enough for me
for a while now, we'll be near Only for a while now, we'll be near
will I have the nerve?
will my voice come out of hiding... where could it be Come out of hiding? Reword.
alright, it's time
here we are, busy listening to someone else talk Here we are, busy listening someone else talk
while all I can think about is you while all I can think of, is you
you say your name, not to me, of course, but to the group
can't help but notice you're inching closer, though
does that mean anything?
or are those just your usual ways
I have absolutely no idea who you are
but my heart forgets that fact
floating as we lightly collide Now how did you come to collide? Weren't you all listening someone else talk?
your lanky fingers hold open the door for me
...why must my cheeks flourish so Reword this line.
we all say goodbye, but I'm glad you don't We all say goodbye, but I’m glad you didn't
as you look to me, walk over, and just stand with me As you look at me, walk over, and stand beside me
i sigh. guess my temporary fun has ended I sigh. Guess my temporary fun has ended
"Paul", they call you
wait, could that be...
oh yes, you happen to be passing by again
for the last time
now I must convince myself it's over
but thanks for giving me this day, Gregory Confusion. Confusion. Wasn't he Paul?
Are you living for the things you are praying for?



To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.
— Proverbs 18:13