Young Writers Society

Cut my skin with your razor blade
Cut me from behind because your sun doesn't shine
Take away from me my innocent mind
You take away from me my sunshine

Watch me bleed in front of you
You don't back down, it's not the right thing to do
I'm dying and all i see is black
I'm pleading to them don't make me go back

But when you see me now
I'll be stonger then ever
Shining like i never have before

Meh...it's kind of bland and unexpressive. Put more detail and emotion into it. And be more creative. Cutting/bleeding/dying-in those exact words, anyway-are getting overused in poetry. I did like the last line, though.

I felt like you left it dangling, like there was more you wanted to say, but didn't. I guess the ending was abrupt in light of the longer opening.

Hey you're new!! :thumb: Hiiiiiii! *waves enthuastically*

What got me was the fact that the first and third stanzas do not rhyme while the middle stanza does. :-s Maybe its some sort of a style - but I didn't really get it.

I agree with Once upon a Time it does use quite overused verbs (considering it's a poem where the narrator is being bullied, teased etc.) Be original- it's much more fun!!