Young Writers Society

any kind of constructive criticism would really help, also anyone got any ideas for a title?

Day's brightness has barely passed
And the shadow already holds it's sway
Within my veins and blooded heart
But despite it's warmth I loathe the day
For every wind bears her sweet breath
And every cloud her form becomes
No, better night and better death
As coldness my skin will quickly numb
And darkness hides those clouds from me
Behind it's morbid livery

Wow, interesting......I think this was very imaginative, and I like the elusive idea of describing someone with the wind and clouds.

Awesome!

I enjoyed it so I think it was pretty good.