Young Writers Society

lighting never strikes twice

(this) left me wondering why
genius strikes ligting quick
with all the force of Vesuvias

the chalkboard scratches are scars of
purest silk, milky against the fading
green

schree - clawing at the winesoaked dirt
as it gathers in clumps under
my nails

she left me wondering why
she left so soon
with so many words miscarried
unborn children in a placebo womb

why can't one harness
the reasons for insanity

It was an interesting poem, this one, but there were a few bits that I wasn't sure about:

she left me wondering why
she left so soon

It doesn't read very well, to me: it's the way both lines start the same way, but it doesn't see to make any point by being that way. It just sounds like an awkward sentance.

schree - clawing at the winesoaked dirt
as it gathers in clumps under
my nails

I was confused here: firstly, I think it's spelt "scree" and that left me wondering whether you meant it as a reference to fingernails accross a blackboard (from the previous stanza) or just as the type of loose dirt and soil.

here, however, you got it just right:

why can't one harness
the reasons for insanity

I liked that as an ending, very abrupt, leaving the reader with a clever question to think about.

All in all, it made me think, which is always a good point in lyrical poetry. There are just a few spelling/choice of words issues. Overall, I like

This *was* very interesting. Its different, kind of, from other poems. I don't really know what it is about it, but I liked it. Although the rhyming was sometimes pretty forced. The ending was so awesome, awesome, awesome.

Thanks guys, and EBM I didn't even noticed I even rhymed.

cheers

CL