Breathe Again...

Reading, weaving
Moving out of my recession
Back into the slipstream
The twisted world I’m not ready to give up on
And you are at the heart of the matter
A core of fire
Ice is melting
Which mannerly devotion shows in this? *
Can I not title that which has no name?
But is merely my reflection
Souls and faces
Sardonic smiles
Watching my path
Everywhere I turn
Roads leading back
Dreams
Flashing, skipping through
Round, round again
Perceptive flashing
The music’s only there for me
Goodnight, Mr Shakespeare
Parting is such sweet sorrow *
That I shall say good night till it be morrow *
Be it Venus and Adonis?
That only time will tell, though trust stays faithful
Living, breathing
The first shuddering breath in months
Though it feels like years washing over the scars
Mountains, oceans
He jests at scars that never felt a wound *
Disjointed, disconnected
But the poetry’s there
Showing reflections of my disordered mind
Can you see between the lines?
Can you draw the parallels?
Line up the worlds, line up the words
Will you understand this?
Do you need to?
Is it enough to stay your bating blood?
Or will the door to my soul remain unopened?
Questions, questions
The key is in the answers
And the answers are in the questions
Poems and plays
Past and now
Why?
1...21 guns
The question is, will you?
Music weaving words
Into a language only I understand
But you can see
As I turn the page
Lay the star-crossed lovers to rest
And for Egypt
The king hath sent- *
Too slow a messenger. *
Communication is of the essence
And so I take the words
Take the lyrics
Close the book
Breathe again...


*Taken from Shakespeare's works, no copyright infringement intended

Hello, here is the review
suggestions will be in bold

Reading, weaving
Moving out of my recession
Back into the slipstream
The twisted world I’m not ready to give up on
And you are at the heart of the matter
A core of fire
Ice is melting
Which mannerly devotion shows in this? * maybe "is shown in this?" would work better?
Cannot I title that which has no name? Maybe "Can I not" in stead of "cannot I"? might flow better
But is merely my reflection
Souls and faces
Sardonic smiles
Watching my path
Everywhere I turn
Roads leading back
Dreams
Flashing, skipping through
Round, round again
Perceptive flashing
The music’s there only to me "only there for me" may work better
Goodnight, Mr Shakespeare
Parting is such sweet sorrow *
That I shall say good night till it be morrow *
Be it Venus and Adonis?
That only time will tell, though trust stays faithful
Living, breathing
The first shuddering breath in months
Though it feels like years washing over the scars
Mountains, oceans
He jests at scars that never felt a wound *
Disjointed, disconnected
But the poetry’s there
Showing reflections of my disordered mind
Can you see between the lines?
Can you draw the parallels?
Line up the worlds, line up the words
Will you understand this?
Do you need to?
Is it enough to stay your bating blood? I dont really get this line, but that might just be me being inadequate xD
Or will the door to my soul remain unopened?
Questions, questions
The key is in the answers
And the answers are in the questions
Poems and plays
Past and now
Why?
1...21 guns
The question is, will you?
Music weaving words
Into a language only I understand
But you can see
As I turn the page
Lay the star-crossed lovers to rest
And for Egypt
The king hath sent- *
Too slow a messenger. *
Communication is of the essence
And so I take the words
Take the lyrics
Close the book
Breathe again...

Wow. This is an intriuging poem, and has beautiful vocabulary and phrases in it.
HOWEVER, a few lines could be rephrased, and it all seemed quite chaotic, in a way xD
If Im absoloutely honest, it seemed extremely random and quite confusing,
But maybe that was your point, you did keep on saying how it was your language, and asking the reader if they NEEDED to understand it.
It was quite an enjoyable read, and I liked the feeling that there is a hidden menaing (although I have no idea what it is!)
I would suggest reading it out to yourself, and you will realise that certain bits dont flow etc etc

Sorry, im an awful reviwer xD
Hope I helped a bit!
-Ava

Hi! This poem was incredbily well written! I thought that the word choice you used made it flow so well. The writing was so good that I was getting perfectly clear images in my head. I don't really have any suggestions for you on how to improve; it was great. I'm sure that other people will find stuff to work on, but as far as I'm concerned, this was wonderful!
~Luxy

I love this poem especially these last lines.

"And so I take the words
Take the lyrics
Close the book
Breathe again..."

It was kind of confusing, but that's probably just because I'm a bit slow. Overall I thought it was great.

Aww thanks guys

Aweqs, I can't change the "Which mannerly devotion is shown in this?" Because that's a Shakespeare quote, but the others are all good suggestions I shall change accordingly

Thanks everyone for your comments, I feel all happy now Glad you liked