winters arisen

i hear the wind blowing
i hear it in the air
i don't know what to do
its simply just not fair

i look out of my window
and watch the rain fall
i hear the howling of the wind
the winter has arisen

i sit in a field
the sun on my face
i hear the birds singing
its a brilliant tune

i live in a cottage
with a hawthorn tree
that shades the outer garden
i sit down underneath and watch
the waves lapping to the shore


i am now walking through the field
i feel something cold
i am snapped back into reality..
i am standing in the rain

i am wet and cold
but yet calm and at peace
i hear the birds singing one more time
then a howl of the wind
i hear it in the deep hearts core
winter has arisen

i hear the wind blowing
i hear it in the air replace this with a different verb, 'hear' is a bit redundant
i don't know what to do
its simply just not fair

i look out of my window
and watch the rain fall
i hear the howling of the wind You have used 'i' too many times in a row
the winter has arisen not a bad line, but your rhyming scheme is off now

i sit in a field You've been declaring things (EX. I am tired) too much, add some imagery and possibly questions... anything but another declarative statement unless this is supposed to back up an idea in your poem
the sun on my face
i hear the birds singing
its a brilliant tunes

i live in a cottage
with a hawthorn tree
that shades the outer garden I like
i sit down underneath and watch There's that 'I' again
the waves lapping to the shore


i am now walking through the field
i feel something cold
i am snapped back into reality..
i am standing in the rain All start with I. All declarative. Plus, if it is winter you would be quite bothered by the cold rain! Explain why you are/n't bothered by this.

i am wet and cold Language is too simple here
but yet calm and at peace
i hear the birds singing one more time Redundant
then a howl of the wind
i hear it in the deep hearts core
winter has arisen

You've basically come full circle from stanza one to the last stanza without telling me anything new.

Keep writing, fair basic idea, I'd love to see with worked on a bit.

i hear the wind blowing
i hear it in the air (it seems odd to hear wind in the air, as wind is air)
i don't know what to do
its simply just not fair (This line isn't particularly poetic)

i look out of my window
and watch the rain fall
i hear the howling of the wind
the winter has arisen (this would sound better without "the")

i sit in a field
the sun on my face
i hear the birds singing
its a brilliant tune

i live in a cottage
with a hawthorn tree (good imagery)
that shades the outer garden
i sit down underneath and watch
the waves lapping to the shore

i am now walking through the field
i feel something cold
i am snapped back into reality..
i am standing in the rain

i am wet and cold
but yet calm and at peace
i hear the birds singing one more time
then a howl of the wind
i hear it in the deep hearts core (what does "the deep hearts core" mean?)
winter has arisen

What you're saying here is good, but you need to work on how you say it. This poem has potential for some great imagery, use it. Also, as KatTrain said, the declarative statements ruin the flow and style of the poem. I also thought the lapses into and out of the daydream were a bit jumpy and confusing. Keep working, you have a good idea it just needs some revising.

Okay, so this is a pretty decent poem. I like the idea behind it, but there's some nit-picky stuff that just isn't doing it for me.

In the first place, I'm not a particular fan of all the lowercase i's in there. The lowercase everything, actually. I don't have anything against doing that, but in this particular poem it just doesn't go with the feel of it. Lowercase letters are for poems that are maybe told in the voice of someone very young, or someone uneducated, or a poem that is supposed to reflect modern writing, or something like that.

Secondly, I think there needs to be some punctuation at the ends of the lines (same idea as with the lowercase letters, no punctuation doesn't go well with the feel of this poem).

Another thing, I'm confused as to whether winter arising is a good thing or a bad thing. The line "It's simply just not fair" makes me think that you don't want winter to come, but then towards the end you describe being calm and at peace, which makes me think that winter is lovely. I guess I just didn't feel like the poem was consistent, I suppose.

For me, I sort of felt the happy, but that might be just because I love winter. Anyways, like I said, it was a nice poem, and pleasant to read, but it could use a little clean-up job. Nice work, though :)