Pretending

Just a random burst of feelings. *waits* You all may attack it all you like

My heart lies in your hands.
Black and blue is the colour.
A cut runs down my
heart’s face, leaving it crying
little red teardrops.
If only you would look closely.
then you will see
all the cracks that
you have left on me.
All the pain that twists
inside my heart.
The scars, are where
I’ve healed from last time.
But you won’t look close,
all you see is me happily
pretending.

I think it's interesting but I don't understand the structure of it. It would be nice to have been set out in verses. But it created good use of imagery

I like this, but there are a couple of things that don't rest well with me....

A cut runs down my
heart’s face, leaving it crying
little red teardrops.

I don't like that too much. "Cut" seems too simple. Maybe like "an incision" or "a slit"... You know, something more descriptive than "cut". $2 words, friend (:

An #FF0000 ">incision runs down my
heart's face, leaving it crying
little red teardrops.

I think I like that better (:

If only you would look closely.
then you will see
all the cracks that
you have left on me.

There, I don't like "left #FF0000 ">on me". Maybe change it to "in" me? Or "on my surface"? I don't know, I just think that drops off too vaguely.

Hope I helped, but good job overall!

The only thing i would change is when you are continuing a sentence in the next line, use commas to show people that it is the same thought. Some people might get confused. But other than that i thought this was fantastic. Real poetry is when it comes straight from you. It doesn't even have to have rhythm or rhyme. Keep up the good work! I hope to hear more from you soon!

Burst of feelings XD Sorry..
This is really good! Description was good, vocabulary was amazing and it seemed really emotional
Georgie x