Fear Holds Us Back

I wish I knew what you think
When you look at me
Out of the corners of your beautiful eyes.
When you shift your hands
So close to mine
Like you want to hold them
But fear holds you back.

I wish you would.

When you talk to me
So nervously
But with such life
In every line
Every pore
In that lovely face.
With such excitement in your voice
Such adoration and happiness
I want to throw my arms around you
But fear holds me back.

I wish I could.

I really liked this one. It left me with a similar impression as your daisy poem which I also really liked, so good job with consistency. The structure really helps and and amplifies the emotion your portraying. The only criticism I would offer would be that the second part could use a little reworking, I can't really point to anything specific maybe another reviewer can, otherwise the first half just captures the feeling very simply and pointedly. So, again, great work -- keep it up.

The Modernist

Hi Persephoneia! I really like this poem. I like it quite a bit.

Persephoneia wrote:I wish I knew what you think

I know this sounds a bit wonky, but this line should actually be: "I wish I know what you think." It would sound better if it were, "I wish I knew what you thought," but since the rest of the poem is in the present tense, we can stick with the former rather than the latter.

I don't think you need that period in the second stanza ... unless you consider "I wish you would" to be a stanza. In that case, I don't think you need that period in the third stanza.

I like this poem very much, but I really think you ought to omit "I wish you would" and "I wish I could." We understand the poem so well, but those two lines sort of over-exaggerate the point.

Overall, you have a very beautiful poem here! I especially love the whole point of how fear held you back; you portrayed the idea so well!

i related to this poem and i bet a lot of people did to which makes the poem more real, i like how you picked a topic people could easily relate to

Not much was wrong with this poem but the lack of punctuation. This can be fixed with ease.

Persephoneia wrote:I wish I knew what you think when you look at me. (Put these lines together so it wont be so choppy.)
Out of the corners of your beautiful eyes.
When you shift your hands,
So close to mine,
Like you want to hold them- (use commas sometimes.)
But fear holds you back.

I wish you would.

When you talk to me,
So nervously
But with such life,
In every line every pore
In that lovely face.
With such excitement in your voice,
Such adoration and happiness,
I want to throw my arms around you,
But fear holds me back.

I wish I could.

I'm sure you could do more with commas and don't be afraid to put some lines together. Keep writing!

Persephoneia wrote:I wish I knew what you think
When you look at me
Out of the corners of your beautiful eyes.
When you shift your hands
So close to mine
Like you want to hold them
But fear holds you back.

I wish you would.

When you talk to me
So nervously
But with such life
In every line
Every pore
In that lovely face.
With such excitement in your voice
Such adoration and happiness
I want to throw my arms around you
But fear holds me back.

I wish I could.

Wow, this is so sweet! Very nice, I loved it. I didn't really see a problem, but I might have missed something! Who knows?!
Need a review? Shoot me a PM, and I'll take a look!

~xX~Forsakinshadow~Xx~