Banana Split

...Alright, I will admit, I love my food a little too much
I had a hard time with the last line, a little help please.

Banana, ice cream and chocolate sauce;
That’s all you need for a round of applause,
Well, in your stomach of course!

Sprinkles, more sauce; a couple’s delight,
Take out your huge bowl then later decide,
If, you will have a good night.

Banana, ice cream and chocolate sauce;
Oh how I wish time would stop or just pause,
Great, now I’m done with my cause.

I had to comment on this as banana splits are my most favourite things in the world! And you have done them justice well done!

The only bit that didn't make too much sense was:

"If, you will have a good night."

The if with the comma didn't seem to flow very well with the rest of the stanza, it is possibly the way I was reading it but to me it did not make all that much sense.

Anyway it's a cute little ppoem about one of the best thing's in the world so I love it! Short, simple and to the point, well done

jesse

ziggiefred wrote:[i]

Banana, ice cream and chocolate sauce;
That’s all you need for a round of applause,
Well, in your stomach of course!

Sprinkles, more sauce; a couple’s delight,
Take out your huge bowl then later decide,
If, you will have a good night. I don't get the point of these two lines.

Banana, ice cream and chocolate sauce; This rhyme seems forced. Probably because if you didn't want to rhyme you would just say Oh how I wish time would stop.
Oh how I wish time would stop or just pause,
Great, now I’m done with my cause.

- I don't like your last line, but I am wondering why you are having trouble with it. If you are making it the same as the first stanza then your last line does not have to rhyme.

- you say sauce three times! I don't like that at all. You could at least specif the different kinds of sauce. chocolate, strawberry, Carmel. You are repeating the same details over and over again. I don't know what it tastes, feels, or smells like! So provide more details.

A. S.

i've never had a banana split before...

hahahahhahahhahha!
good job you got most of it hryming well all of it.it was hilarious. you really love food don't you well now you got me hungry.
all i can say is i know this post is just for fun and is exstreamly creative keep it up and all poems don't have to rhyme their supposed to be meaningful. well enjoy you'r desert.

I chose this poem to read because, well, I like banana split. However, I just would like to echo some of the comments given on your poem. I agree that the rhyming seems forced. And since this poem does not really run deep and is intended to be taken as it is, it should have been better if you have utilized more colorful words and figures of speech. You know, just to make your banana split yummier and more delicious to the reader's palate. But to give you credit, you have managed to put a teeny-tiny smile on my face while reading this. Please

Keep Writing!

Hey, i really liked your poem. It made me hungry.
Keep it up!

Hey ziggiefred,
Love your name- anyway, on to the review.



I love your poem from the minute I read the title . It just caught my eye. I'm not really sure why? It might have something to do with the fact the I LOVE Banana Splits. (Great title). You have a knack for picking titles, don't you? *Tries and fails to take ziggiefred's knack*. XD

Anyway, what I most love about this poem, was your descriptions. They were not so lengthy that they become boring- they were short simple and sweet! Your descriptions really painted a picture of the dessert. Especially this line:

Sprinkles, more sauce; a couple’s delight,

It created the image of two people smiling and dipping their spoons into ice-cream, banana, and cream- (with the toppings and sprinkles). YUM!


What I would have liked to see next time is a bit more emotion- but that part is really not lacking too much. Maybe even expand on a few key points. But it is totally up to you. I really quite liked the way it is, but a part of me wants more...

Thanks for a great poem and I agree with GagaBowie:

i really liked your poem. It made me hungry.

YES, I liked your poem, and it made me VERY hungry.
So well done , and keep writing.



Thanks again,
watchmeburn