My Lover

I got my love back she is was and always be my love. After a night of getting a little tipsy, I wake up to a message from her saying I LOVE YOU TOO FOREVER BABY. Feeling confused I look at it and remember pieces of my restless night, and what I said to her in another state of mind.But I know it was all sense that I was talking not the drinks. It was how I really felt about her so now I talk with a sign of relief thinking to myself maybe I will not have such lonely nights and depressed rainy days. But now more sunny days and hopeful,starry, and romantic nights with her.




DJ

This was my first poem everi wrote at age 13 im 15 now so dont talk about it lol

Hey devin!

It's great that you started writing poetry at 13, and I believe that this could be a wonderful wonderful poem, but the formatting is all wrong.

As of now, it looks like prose, and not poetry where there are stanzas and lines and what not.

So I would really appreciate it if you split it up into stanzas.

For example:

I got my love back she is was and always be my love.
After a night of getting a little tipsy, I wake up to a message from
her saying I LOVE YOU TOO FOREVER BABY.

Also, could you introduce some punctuation as well as rhythm. Not in the sense that I want you to rhyme, but you did post this underneath Lyric poetry, and I assuming lyrical poetry reads like lyrics, they flow, they have a certain rhythm.

I would suggest writing down what you want for this poem, and then afterwords, organize those thoughts.

Though stories are a little more complex than poems, poetry needs to be thought out some time.

And I don't doubt that with a little more planning, this poem will rise to it's full potential.

Keep writing!

Thank you so much for the review! But i have a question what category do you think i should put writngs like this under?

Hey devinj,

Your second post which says this is two years old and you don't talk about it anymore makes me wonder why you posted it. This isn't really a poem, which is why I question it, because it has almost no poetic features whatsoever and I could easily mistake it for free writing scrawled on a bit of paper late at night. I can't really take this seriously as a piece of work and hope in the future you post things with better formatting, spelling and grammar, so that reviewers can help you properly with your writing.

I agree... This is not a poem... It can be a narrative short story..

Firestarter wrote:Hey devinj,

Your second post which says this is two years old and you don't talk about it anymore makes me wonder why you posted it. This isn't really a poem, which is why I question it, because it has almost no poetic features whatsoever and I could easily mistake it for free writing scrawled on a bit of paper late at night. I can't really take this seriously as a piece of work and hope in the future you post things with better formatting, spelling and grammar, so that reviewers can help you properly with your writing.

But still, I like it. I really get into your feeling for I also experience like that. That's why I like it. Two stars for you! **