Jealousy

When that feeling tries to come, I beg you to push it away
Or else it will eat at you day after day
You’ll yell and you’ll cry, making a place for it to stay
But if you stop it now, it will turn the other way

It’s down in the heart, hidden by lust, sadness, and fear
It crouches under it all waiting for the moment it should appear
It ruins love and happiness, bringing everyone it can near
Welcome to Hell, your jealousy brought you here

There are couples who were broken by suspecting a secret lover
Marriages that ended because one talked to another
Here are the girlfriends who went mad trying to find “her”
And boyfriends with broken hearts because they felt it was unsure

It’s brought to the surface when someone accuses their love
It suggest cheating, sneaking, and lying let slip by the Lord above
It will wreck your heart, destroying it with every shove
Welcome to The End, your suspicion ruined your love

Hello wishonafallingpetal! iceprincess here for a review!

Your poem is very meaningful! There would be more happy endings in this world if people tried to suppress their jealousy --- but I'm rambling here.

Anyways, I thought this poem flowed really well, except for the last two sentences in this part:

There are couples who were broken by suspecting a secret lover
Marriages that ended because one talked to another
Here are the girlfriends who went mad trying to find “her”
And boyfriends with broken hearts because they felt it was unsure

It gave me the impression that you're trying too hard to stick to your format. But it doesn't really matter, because this is your poem and you should write whatever you want. ;D

Keep up the good work!

-Rosie =]

Hello there Wish!

First of all, I must thank you for the good read. This is quite exceptional that interest me to read the first word until the very last one. Your rhyming schemes are okay but I feel like a part of it are kind of forced. Forced, like you just have to put a random words which you think would rhyme with the last word of the line before it.

Or else it will eat at you day after day

I don't think you need to place "at" anymore. Deleting it, the flow would get better.

You’ll yell and you’ll cry, making a place for it to stay

You've repeated "you'll", you can just actually erase it already.

But if you stop it now, it will turn the other way

The last phrase seemed a bit force, awkward and lost.

Marriages that ended because one talked to another
Here are the girlfriends who went mad trying to find “her”
And boyfriends with broken hearts because they felt it was unsure

In my opinion, "another" and unsure" doesn't rhyme well.

Welcome to The End, your suspicion ruined your love

Since this is the ending line. I would suggest you place a punctuation, to denote a full stop of the poem.

All in all, I think I like this. I could really get the hidden message of this. Hope I helped and PM me for questions.

Keep writing!

Peace out!

~yuri

Hey there!

When that feeling tries to come, I beg you to push it awayOr else it will eat at you day after dayYou’ll yell and you’ll cry, making a place for it to stayBut if you stop it now, it will turn the other way

Nice start. It hooked me up. Haha.
There is urgency in the voice, that makes us want to follow it.

Kudos to this awesome work.
Keep writing. XD

-KAT <3

Hey wishonafallingpetal!

I loved this poem. Perfect. Absolutely amazing. After I had finished the last line, all I could say was "Yes! Yes! Yes!" I had to agree with everything you were saying. The rhyming was adequate but was forced at certain points. It was really full of meaning and simple amazing. I loved every second reading this poem. It was perfectly written and flowed excellently. I loved this poem. Keep up the good work!

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)

Hey,

Those big words in the middle of the poem are very distracting! Provided that the rest of the poem doesn't take on any intricate structure performances with size or form, those just look like a roadblock that my eyes can't stay away from, and emphasizes a part for reasons I'm not sure about. I think it'll be better if you kept it even.

Anyway, I think that your usage of rhyme here is holding you back from what you can really be saying. Your theme -- to pu it bluntly -- is very common, overused, even. For topics as common as this, I feel that you should make a stronger effort to highlight an aspect of it that we usually wouldn't dwell on, or tell this to us in a new way, perhaps in language different from that of conversational English. And that's not saying to go off into flowery words, but! What I am saying is that this, as it is, is rather boring, and there's nothing captivating about it that makes me want to keep reading, dear. I think it could stand a revision, because the rhyme is forcing you to add unnecessary things to this and that's harming way more than it's helping.

Best of luck,
June