Light

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Light

O light! You were meant to kindle-
The path of light with your flame,
But you burn me from top to toe
With desires over which, I should have no claim.
Too early in life, your strong power
Showed me the length of the difficult road,
So did it show the lanes and
Passers-by estranging out of hold.


O light! You didn’t lend me vision
You simply dazzled me with zest for life and passion.
You never did what I lit you for
But still today I am again in your dire need,
You are meant to warm and comfort…
But in thy beholder you sow,
Impatient ambition’s seed!




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I really like the descriptive language and the words choices are really good.
Luv Shanz




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The second verse was too wordy, and it didn't ryme. Apart from that, it was pretty good.




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It was not wordy, but fantastically expressed. I loved the imagery of the lines:

"You never did what I lit you for
But still today I am again in your dire need,
You are meant to warm and comfort…
But in thy beholder you sow,
Impatient ambition’s seed!"

Impatient ambition's seed.... My favourite lines... always, always.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 41
thanks for your appreciations and criticisms!

i think its awesome to hear so many differrent comments from all of you! people have differrent takes on the same thing and that you all have thought about my poem makes me glad. i will take care not to make my stanzas'wordy' if they were so.
thank you!

-torsa



I was flummoxed by fractious Franny's decision to abrogate analgesics for the moribund victims of the recent conflagration. Of course, to display histrionics was discretionary, but I did so anyways, implicating a friend in my drama to make the effect cumulative. I think a misanthrope would have a prosaic appellation, perhaps one related to autonomy and the rejection of anthropocentrism. I think they wouldn't think much of the prominence of watching the coagulation of tea to prognosticate future malevolent events, not even if those events were related to jurisprudence.
— Spearmint