Father

6 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1772
Reviews 3
Written very much on the spot . . . I dislike Father's Day. =/

Father, Father, tell me why
You’d rather sleep inside the sky
Than by the woman that you left behind,
Or by the daughter you put out of mind.

If it were my matter to decide,
Father would stay by my side.
Instead I wonder what could have been;
The writer and the musician.

I see Father in my mind’s eye
With orbs of blue and a messy tie.
Hair tussled, blond, and curly,
Gentle chin and face shaved early.

My dimples line his smile,
Each tooth a glistening tile.
An easy, happy, calming grin;
A rare radiance among men.

But who is this man upon the couch?
The one with the scowl and slouch.
His hair is scarce and red,
Scattered about his freckled head.

His smile is crooked and misplaced
As he leans his lips against Mother’s face.
His voice chills my bones,
His laugh so out of tone.

Father’s voice would be smooth as silk,
Underlined with thick strings of a quilt.
Where is the depth in this man’s visage?
Make short work, God, of this mirage.

The flowers Mother bought for a monster
Are better suited for a man six feet under.
If only I could place them upon his grave;
The Father I long to have saved.
You march forward;
I'm just a step behind.
Stars for the wayward,
Don't forget to shine.~




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6915
Reviews 115
Wow I really really really like this! Your rhymes are very clever and your flow is good.
I'm very sorry that this is how you feel about Father's day, but good job capturing your feelings into this poem.
"One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."
The Little Prince




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 15446
Reviews 136
I am sorry that you feel bad on Fathers day. I thought your rhyme scheme was very good. One part of the poem is kind of confusing because I cant figure out if the main character died or just left you.I like the comparison between your Father and what I think is your mothers nasty boyfriend. I hope that you feel better and keep writing, Fiction.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 10691
Reviews 111
Another great poem AkiKerosin!
The emotion is quite present and none stop through out the work its an amazing way to write.
God works in mysterious so if you are distraught or angry at your biological dad stay focus and persevere and I would like to believe that you will be okay!
Again I tip my hat to you AkiKerosin!
-Dawn
C.Mejia




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1772
Reviews 3
Aw, thanks for the nice reviews, guys. =3
And I suppose that confusion is understandable, Fiction, because my father left me AND died . . . so I guess you picked up on it accidentally? XD
You march forward;
I'm just a step behind.
Stars for the wayward,
Don't forget to shine.~




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1479
Reviews 15
I really like this, and I can honestly say that it almost brought me to tears. I love the strong emotion and I could sense they weren't just coming from the top of your head, but deep down in your heart. It takes real emotion to create something like this. Tough times may come ahead, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
"I've seen your heart, and it is...mine."



The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices; to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill, and suspicions can destroy. A thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own.
— Rod Serling, Twilight Zone