My Life

Some days are good,
Some days are bad,
Somedays make you think about the day you had.
Yesterday was fun, tomorrow will be better.
You stop e-mailing to send someone a letter.

But my life is average,
My life is dull.
Some days are spent in happiness full.
But when sorry gives way to hate,
Allow me to demonstrate,
Here are the things you must do.

Tell someone how you feel,
There's still some fun left to deal.
Watch TV, or pick up a book.
Give that certain someone your "sexy eyes" look.

But when duty calls,
And you take all the falls...
Be fruity and laugh,
Because I said 'duty'!

Hello! Layla here, and I'm going to review your poem and give you tips, then my opinion.

Some days are good,
Some days are bad,
Somedays make you think about the day you had.
Yesterday was fun, tomorrow will be better.
You stop e-mailing to send someone a letter.

Ok, in the beginning of this, you say "some days" too much.
The last stanza of this is sortve out of place too.

But my life is average,
My life is dull.
Some days are spent in happiness full.
But when sorry gives way to hate,
Allow me to demonstrate,
Here are the things you must do.

"My life", is now repeated over and over. I don't under stand the
"Some days are spent in happiness full." part. It's confusing and doesn't make sense. Try to reword it. After do, put semi-colon.

Tell someone how you feel,
There's still some fun left to deal.
Watch TV, or pick up a book.
Give that certain someone your "sexy eyes" look.

Ok, c'mon hun, youre 14, how many teens actually do this?? Lol. But anyways, This parts okay.

But when duty calls,
And you take all the falls...
Be fruity and laugh,
Because I said 'duty'!

If you're trying to make this rhyme, switch 'fruity' and 'laugh' so fruity rhymes with duty. This parts actually kind of weird. The rest of this is somewhat kind of serious.

Despite all of that stuff, this needs to be fixed up just A little, Hun. I don't know If this is supposed to be humerous, or serious. So find yourself in this ok? It's YOUR life.
I hope I helped. PM me for more help or something.

I wasn't sure about your poem at first. I ended up liking it though it was a bit elementary- The way you conveyed your message, your wording, pretty much all of it. The "sexy eyes" look thing cracked me up though XP. Keep writing -ash

Nice poem short, sweet, and to the point. As for a review I would suggest more sophisticated words and not so liner rhymes, but it was good and a humorous ending. Good job man!

My sexy eyes look is kind of a rip from a YouTube vid, but you can be sure I'll have my time to use it.

aha, really good, i need to try my "sexy eyes" look on some one ! ahah

~esther*