The Play's End

4 posts
Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1122
Reviews 150
...
Last edited by 200397 on Thu Feb 04, 2010 3:37 am, edited 2 times in total.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1375
Reviews 20
I like this poem. It is full of vivid imagery and emotion.

that danced so preciously with the gift of life


from before the wakeful eyes


I think adding "the" to both of these lines makes it flow better.

my bird, my heart, the blood in my veins
the smile in my days
within and without is an emptiness,
a void, no remedy for this inflamed grief.
these lights, candles and stars
hold no warmth and I have none within myself


I really like this stanza and I can totally relate. A friend of mine also died recently and it was writing about it that got me through the grieving process. Good job and keep writing :)
"To live is Christ; to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 8671
Reviews 94
Wow, that is very good. I didn't find anything wrong with this, but Hey, that's just on me. Nice job you did. :)
Come sail the stars with me
Through the sky not through the sea
Come sail the stars with me
Take me hand and make believe
Come sail the stars with me
Through the sky not through the sea
Come sail the stars with me
Take me hand and make believe
~JT Lloyd




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 20503
Reviews 370
That was really beautiful, and rife with imagery. I'm sure your friend would be proud of this piece. It was, obviously, full of depression and melancholy but they felt like new emotions when approached from this angle.
I hope that made some sense to you. Sorry if this is a pointless review.
great job.
Empress
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.
*Le Bible
Royal Reviews Here!



A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it.
— Roald Dahl