To Be Like Jesus

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There’s a little boy
sitting on the street
with nothing to hold
but his sorrows.

He has no food to eat
and his clothes are tattered;
he has no family,
no hope for tomorrow.

Open up my eyes, Lord
that I may see
this suffering
and not turn away.

There’s a little girl
crying in a corner
where there is no one
to dab her tears.

She has been abused;
no one there protects her.
She’s lost all hope
for an answer to her prayers.

Open up my ears, Lord
that I may hear
the cries of your children
and not tune them out.

There’s a young woman,
her face held in her hands,
trembling without relief
in the wake of dreaded news.

Her husband has just died-
a soldier in Iraq-
wishing one last time
to say, “I love you.”

Open up my mouth, Lord
that I may speak
your words of comfort
to the weary and the broken.

There’s a middle-aged man
who lives in a home
for the mentally ill,
rejected by the world.

He may not look at life
the same as you and me,
but he understands ridicule,
and how it feels to be ignored.

Open up my arms, Lord
that I may reach out
to the forgotten
and always remember them.

There’s a group of children
huddled in their loss,
living in a country
where hope does not exist.

They lost their parents to AIDS,
have no food or clean water,
are fearful of soldiers
whose violence they can’t resist.

Open up my heart, Lord
that I may pour out love
and show compassion
to those considered hopeless.

Give me your eyes and ears;
give me your hands and feet,
and give me your heart.

That I may give
love to the unloved,
compassion to the suffering,
protection to the abused.

That I may seek
justice for the forgotten,
mercy for the unforgiven,
liberty for the oppressed.

That I may bring
salvation to the lost,
food for the hungry,
comfort to the hurting.

So that I may lead others
to the origin of love-
the love of Jesus Christ.

Open up my heart, Lord.
Last edited by luv2write42 on Thu Jan 07, 2010 3:44 am, edited 2 times in total.
"To live is Christ; to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21




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oh wow. This was seriously awesome! I loved it.

And though I know you posted this poem in hopes of a helpful review, I can't really give you one as I am in a rush, sorry!

...But hey, everyone likes to hear how much their work rocked, right?

happy writing :)

-ash
Alone- alone- all- all- alone
Upon the wide, wide sea-
And God will not take pity on
My soul in agony!
- Mary Shelley




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I can offer no suggestions, other than possibly make the last line part of the quatrain before it. That aside, this nearly brought tears to my eyes.
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. - George Orwell, 1984

Where in the world is Enoch Root?




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Hello, I'll be your reviewer for today. You're idea isn't original, by far, but it's apparent even as you read it, you feel a great deal about this topic. Now, I admit, I'm agnostic here, but I swear, I read this with as open an mind as I could.

This poem has a huge flaw, you try too fit too much in and after about eight stanza you lost me. I'm all for theme, it's a muchness idea, but you can tell, it was personal to you. But, as you go on about it, it's turns to pretentiousness and condencending towards the reader, you instead preach aggressively. a poem should make a person feel what the writer feels.

You fail to do this, as after a while the repetition loses all the interest I had in this.

I won't lie, but I couldn't finish this, it just went on to long, and the point kept being thrown in our face with each new stanza. After a while it's like 'Okay okay, I get the picture!'

I can only say one good thing, you put your soul into this, you did it, but then you just abused that, and decided to hit us on the head with metaphorical mallet continually.

Please revise and concentrate on one image and develope it, don't overload the poem, don't go on and on. My best advice for now, is read others and read the greats, I can't think of any religious poems right now, but any will do.

Good luck
VSN
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
[The Ink And The Quill (Be Afraid) - Anti-Flag]




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OMGz!!!!!!that was soooo awesome! i love ur poem!its soo good! you wouldnt mind if i read that to my church one day would you? very deep.......keep writing!im officially your fan!!! PM me when you post something=]
"if you always say what if, you can never know what can..."




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Now this is what I like to call REAL poetry! It makes my day when I read something by a fellow christian. God bless =)
Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba
Sithi uhm ingonyama
Nants ingonyama bagithi baba
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama
Ingonyama
Siyo Nqoba
Ingonyama
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

If you know what this is from, become my best friend. =)




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This sent chills down my spine. Literally. I loved the last line, and the way you made the last line separate was perfect. I can't tell you much that could be improved, but if anything, it would be to shorten it just a little. You're a great poet. Keep it up.
-youreit
I smile, because I'd rather have laugh lines than a perma frown. :)




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Hello! I haven't reviewed in ages - I never even noticed the site was down - but I saw this, read it, and felt like making a few small comments.

There’s a young woman,her face held in her hands,trembling without reliefin the wake of dreaded news.

I have no idea who told me, but someone said that when you say a word, people think it. Therefore, doctors shouldn't say 'won't hurt' or 'painless', because the words 'hurt' and 'pain' stick out, so the patient still thinks it will hurt.

Here, I saw that with 'without'. It may just be me and my experience with marriage [my parents, not me! haha] but I read it as 'with', and then was confused when she was upset but relieved at the same time.

Long story short? I'd rather see the 'without relief' as 'with grief' or something similar.

Also, I'd like some spacing in the poem. I don't know if it's just the new site, but if it isn't, it seems rather lengthy with no pause at all.

Finally, I'd rather you paint a picture more. Rather than go on and on with ten examples, cut it down to three or four and make us really feel for them. Go into the moment, tell us the details, emotions, everything. Right now, this doesn't make me sad. The commercials in black and white for the ChildFund that are always on do. Aim for that. =]

PM me for anything!

~JFW1415




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Hey luv2write42!!!

I definitely enjoy reading rhyming poetry once in a while, so the rhyming here was pretty sweet. I have no general disagreement with any specific choice of words or with any grammatical or syntax problems that this poem might have.

However, I did feel very perplexed by the poem's--pardon me if this sounds too harsh, I just couldn't find a mellower word--pretentiousness. (I'm not even sure if that's a word.) The poem itself--the idea, the plot--was much more oriented towards the "church hymn" category rather than an actual "poem". The style, the rhyming, and mostly the cloyingly sacramental imagery all contributed to this feeling of pious song. In short, I feel like I would find this poem by arbitrarily ripping out a page from a Latter Day Saint hymn book rather than opening a poetry collection.

For example, the first two stanzas--the boy, the wretchedly poor homeless child, seems so ambiguous and undefined that one would suspect him to be the same as the rest of the world, almost banal in the sense of the word. The same could be said about the sobbing girl. They're both so trivial and grossly overused when it comes to religious imagery--Jesus brings hope to the poor children--that I would suggest that, in order to continue with such imagery, you rewrite the poem into a much more innovative and fresh blueprint. Perhaps, as part of your rhyming structure of course, you should include some type of alternative, intriguing lessons that God somehow stimulates in the kids--not just "hope" or "comfort to the weary and the broken", but perhaps something bigger and more crucial--perhaps they're all searching for the meaning of life, and God somehow provides a very enchanting truism that can ring true to all of us? I don't know. That is for you to figure out.

Hope I helped!
my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away




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Hey. You seem to have attracted a lot of interest with this. Awesome! But I'm afraid I'm going to be one of the unhelpful ones.

The only thing I can say is that clearly, its in stanzas, but you lost the breaks. This happened when you uploaded it right? More than anything I guess your poem reminds me of a Casting Crowns song, which isn't a bad comment to get.

Keep going! And keep writing about your beliefs. God is the best inspiration.

m
"I want my journey to be full of laughter"

Final Fantasy X




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Thanks everyone for your comments! And yes, the spacing is messed up. When I first posted it the spaces were still there, so I'm not sure why they disppeared now. Weird.
"To live is Christ; to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21




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HI!!
This was beautiful, inspiring. I loved it. It's so beautiful. YOu treated all the problems that our society is havng and put them in this poem in such a beautiful way.

I can't reaview right now, but I can tell you that this was great. I wish I could write poetry in such a Christian manner and that it could touch others like your did.

It was awesome.
Pudin
Les sanglots longs
Des violons
De l'autonne
Blessent mon coeur
D'une langueur
Monotone.

Verlaine




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Absolutely beautiful. It's almost like a prayer, so sincere and true. If it is one, I know He answered it for you!

The words you use are so captivating; I read the title, and I was stolen. I had to read it, just to see. Then, as I read it, the images you built in the lines brought tears to my eyes.

It may not rhyme, and it may not make sense to others, but I understand it completely. I love this.

Keep writing, and keeping believing.

~ Ayumi
"Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery." Timothy 4:14 KJV




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I do love the sincerity that you can just feel pouring out of every line in this, and how obvious is that you truly desire to love people in a way similar to the amazing way that God loves us. And I truly did enjoy reading this, however I did feel that toward the end it seemed as though you were cramming too much information into this poem. It might just be me, but it kind of seemed a little longer than necessary, and you didn't need quite as much as you put in here to get your idea across. But still, this was such a touching, heart-warming kind of write, and I enjoyed reading this :)




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I love how your writing isn't like the others and how it's not abstract in a way. It's straightforward, and perfect, to a T!! I also like how you put reality into your work also. It made me open up my eyes and appreciate what I have.

WaY tO gO!! bTw...i GaVe YoU a StAr.
I hope someday that someone will walk into my life and help me realize why it never worked out with him or anyone else.



I *do* like flipping tables.
— Faye Whitaker, Questionable Content