Your eyes

I looked into your eyes,
And the world seemed to swirl,
The beauty in them was immense,
And they appeared so intense.

I stared at them.
They were full of love,
They reflected your heart,
They reflected my love.

I was happy,
Gazing at those loving eyes.
I thought I saw truthfulness.
I thought I saw faithfulness.

I held your eyes for a minute.
And read all that you ever wanted to say.
How I wished I could kiss them!
How I wish I could say that I did love them!

Your deep brown eyes shimmered,
They had warmth, they held beauty,
With inexplicable adoration,
With profound concern.

I knew they were for me alone.
Your eyes said it all,
when I watched your eyes waiting for my ‘yes’,
when I saw a tear trickle down when I said so,
when we looked at each other for the first time.

Yet…
I had watched those eyes turn cold,
Watched them without love,
Watched those twirl to insensitivity,
My tears didn’t matter to them,
Nor my love.
But…
All that matters to me are…
Those beautiful eyes and that handsome face.

Hiya there! I'm gonna help ya today!







I looked into your eyes,

And the world seemed to swirl,

The beauty in them was immense,

And they appeared so intense.


In this section, the first line could be a sentence. It would be more proper. See the suggested way below.



I looked into your eyes

The world seemed to swirl,

The beauty in them was immense,

And they appeared so intense.

By doing these few things, your poem will perfect! But really, I liked your poem!

hey kaily this is dogs. you reviewed one of my poems so i guess i'll just return the favor

kaily. i am not a huge fan of love stories but i enjoyed reading the ending. i think that it was an interesting cruel twist.

In the first stanza it was one of my favorites. it flowed nicely and it sounded really good. i don't have any suggestions for this stanza

In the second stanza wellllllllllllllllllllllll i would like to say it is as good as the first but that isn't exactly the case. you see i think you use the word "love" to much. also overall in the poem you use the word "love" to much. try to find a different word. i would suggest that you use a thesaurus.

The third stanza is good. but again you are using loving which is to close to love

The fourth stanza is great!! and i don't have any suggestions

The fifth stanza is also great!!! awsome description.

I also really liked the sixth stanza.

Now the seventh stanza is by far my favorite. it has an intresting cruel twist. showing that life is never what it seems or is never perfect.

I loved reading this poem and the best of luck to you!!!!!! =D =)

Hey!

Awesome job! This poem creates a great imagery of someone who's deeply in love with someone else, yet she faces the the true side of him when he turns against her. Great job!

Your rhythm broke in a couple of parts. For instance....

I stared at them.

They were full of love,

They reflected your heart,

They reflected my love.

The word "love" jarred the rhythm of this whole piece. It was used a little to much overall; maybe you could substitute it for a synonym?

Yet…

I had watched those eyes turn cold,

Watched them without love,

Watched those twirl to insensitivity,

My tears didn’t matter to them,

Nor my love.

But…

All that matters to me are…

Those beautiful eyes and that handsome face.

I would suggest replacing the dots with commas, but that's just my opinion.

when I saw a tear trickle down when I said so,

I keep thinking this says "no". I guess it's just because "so" rhymes with "no".

Well, that's basically all I have to say! Great job!

zOe

everyone else has done all the nit picking now

so there isn't much left for me to say

but I can praise.

This poem is very good, I connected with it, I could actually see it inside my head

see the reactions of the characters see the motions

I thought it was very good

it painted a wonderfull picture

well done

hey! nice one!
but dont you feel that the tempo gets distorted in the end??

This was a good, beautiful poem, and I enjoyed it.

At first the last two lines rhyming was like an odd blow, because I'm really not used to it. Every line I was like, "Oh, Okay!" and continued reading. But I slowly got used to it. I liked it! Well done!