Have You Ever...?

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Have you ever sat in bed at night
restless and unable to sleep,
staring out into the dark,
your lips a thin line against your pale face,
and shivered, haunted by thoughts
of a certain someone
whose face you cannot forget?

A person known for but an instant
who in that moment
stole your heart,
and plagues you now
with hopes and dreams of times
to never be.

Have you ever closed your eyes and in your mind seen his face:
immaculate in beauty
with eyes so deep and blue you could lose yourself in their depths,
bleached blonde hair tousled just so,
and a smile so perfect you could never hope to match it?
And did you not then conjure up a sliver of hope,
feeble as it may be, to last you through the night,
and wish for a day that he would call you his own?

Have you ever dreamed for days on end
of a time when you could be together,
wanting to forget and move on,
but at the same time giving him your heart?

Have you ever thought of him
and realized that he doesn’t even know you,
no matter how much you wish it were not so,
and given up hope of him ever being yours,
and felt a coldness in your heart no amount of warmth could shake,
and sobbed into your pillow until you fell asleep?

And at night as you lay there alone
despairing more than ever,
did you feel your heart shatter,
broken by what could have been
but never was?

Have you ever wondered why such a stranger
has the power to make your heart melt
simply by looking in your direction?
Or why talking to him causes
your heart to pound in your chest
and nervous butterflies to flutter uncontrollably?

Perhaps love is one big joke,
and an unseen master is sitting high above,
pulling on invisible strings like those of a marionette
and laughing as you fall head over heels in love
with someone who will never return the feeling.

But perhaps not.

Perhaps fate has another path chosen for you
based on an unseen plan
beyond your understanding
and your simple crush will turn into something
much bigger than you could have ever imagined.

Perhaps
meeting him
was
your destiny.
Last edited by meggy86 on Sat Aug 29, 2009 8:38 pm, edited 11 times in total.




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.............................................. THAT WAS AMAZING ABSOLUTELY UNDESCRIBABLE. I CAN TOTALLY RELATE. this flow very well and the entire theme is very clear. i think that this is an absolute master piece. however in the second stanza i would suggest that instead of using the word "pleague" perhaps torments or tortures or curses. i think i would make it a bit more powerful. wow i can't get over how good this is. i am deeply impressed and i have no other suggestions















TuckEr EllsworTh
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"Quoth the Raven. Nevermore" - Edgar Allan Poe




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Hey!

Wow meggy. You had me captivated from the first stanza.

There isn't much I would do to change it. I thought it was already very powerful.

The theme was very simple and clear, and I could relate to it very well. :D

I absolutely loved how you used the word "haunted" to describe that feeling.

The transition between stanza 7 and 8 was a little confusing, but understandable all the same.

All in all, great poem! Keep up the good work!

zOe :D
Help! I can't remember if I'm the evil twin or the good one!




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Oh my goodness meg!!! this poem was
absolutely LOVELY!!! It was so well written
and descriptive! The words you used were
so... hmm what's the word i'm looking for?
moving? or deep and meaningful?
something like that, you know i'm no
good with words. i can totally relate to
what you're saying though. Meg that poem
was WONDERFUL!! i loved!! keep writing
please!! i'll talk to you later!

ps- sorry this isn't the best review but i
didn't know how to put all my feelings your
poem gave me into words.
~"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
-Walt Disney




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This poem was amazing, I felt as though I could really understand all the emotions of everyone. I love the difference from the stanza's then the one line
But perhaps not
the last line is the only thing I would comment on as I feel it could be a lot stronger than it is at the moment, but I still really like it.




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Thanks for all the input! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed reading it. I went back and tried to make the transition between the 7th and 8th stanza more clear like you sugested- let me know if you think it helped.




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Hey Meggy ^^ Shina here to do a review for you ;)


I. Nitpicks



with hopes and dreams of times
to never be.

I feel that the second line should be "that will never be." It makes more sense and runs smoother this way. Also, it should end with a quetion mark, not a period.

Have you ever closed your eyes and [s]in your mind[/s] seen his face:

If you close your eyes, it's implied that the image is in your mind. That crossed out part is redundant.


Have you ever dreamed for days on end

*Dreamt would be better

no matter how much you wish it were not so,

This part sounds like you're wishing that he doesn't know you, so just scrap the "not" part.

despairing more than ever,

*despairing

Overall
xD Meggy, you know a girl's life so well! I can't believe you put it to words.

The thing you need to work on is using more imagery. You started adding more toward the end with the puppets and such, but it's still lacking that emotion and dimension that imagery and the use of five senses would add.

-Shina
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.



We are all broken. That's how the light gets in.
— Ernest Hemingway