Memory Lane

Memory Lane

I was strolling down,
Memory Lane,
When a voilent wave,
Washed everything away,
Until,
All those memories,
Just seemed like,
Dreams;
So far away.
Then I realized,
That wave,
Was my tears,
Yearning,
To relive,
Those memories.

I had just moved to a new school and I was really missing everything and everybody.
Slowly, the memories of my old school began to become a bit hazy and unclear.
So at that point, I wrote this poem.
I was in grade 7 at the time to it's short and a bit rough. =)

Ooh, I really like this. Not much to say about it.

When a voilent wave,

Should be "violent."

Until,

This "until" doesn't serve much of a purpose. Maybe cut it out?

That's all I found. Good job, and keep writing!

Hello there Miss Ching, firstly may I congratulate you on a - by in large, good poem. The imagery you used was very visceral and kind of cinematic, which I enjoyed. I don't normally have any strong feelings toward such devices, so well done on that front.
However the poem didn't flow very well, it's metre was quite staggered; somewhat reminiscent of cycling down a cobbled road... Uncomfortable. I think this can easily be mended, by making the lines longer and removing some of the unnecessary punctuation.

Overall I liked this poem, very well done

Oh! Just a quick note on the review above: It may well be violet, not violent. You don't know what Miss Ching was intending to mean - so don't assume. Both work well.
Kris
x

Miss Ching wrote: When a voilent wave,

I'll just show you that and you decide if it was a mistake or not.

Miss Ching wrote:Was my tears,

This should be "were my tears" or "was my tear"

What's with the commas?

I don't get it..."the violent wave washed everything away [s]untill[/s] all those memories seemed like dreams..." Untill just doesn't fit (or am I blind or sth) and it's "until".
All in all, I didn't like it (don't be mad). I think you have a lot of work if you decide to change it, but that's just my opinion.

mmm this was really good and i agree with the other comments. but when you say was my tears. don't you mean is my tears?? and don't you want to be writing in present tense?? not past. but apart from that i think that this flows well and it fits well, overall you did a great job and i really like this.

Miss Ching!

This was an excellent poem, although one could argue that it's depressing. Towards the end you throw some hope in, which makes it exceptional.

I love how you kept your lines clean and short. It didn't have much of a wonderful rhythm to it (unless the reader randomly stops in the middle of lines!) but all-in-all, it was a fairly decent poem.

I liked it, alot. Keep writing!

June

Hey!

Great poem! I liked it a lot.

However.......

I didn't think the poem flowed very well. As kris said, it was a little uncomfortable to read.

Until isn't really necessary.

You put a lot of commas in where you didn't need them.

Overall, you did a great job in creating this poem. Keep up the good work!

zOe