Alone

She has scars on her wrists
that slowly heal,
but every time they heal
she reopens them.

They have taken away
the most important thing
her life has ever had.

Friends,
Lovers,
and her life.

Death is knocking on the door,
and it is slowly opened.

Why did they have to make the mistake,
and take away
the ones she loved?

Now she is gone to the graves,
where no words are spoken,
and no one is loved.

All alone,
Cold,
Dark,
so alone.

Now she is gone,
and my life is near its end.

Why did they have to take away,
the one's she loved?

Now we are both alone,
in the cold, dark earth
with no return.

All alone.

She has scars on her wrists

that slowely heal,

but every time they heal

she reopens them.

The first line makes me not like this poem automatically, to be honest. I do not like poetry that feels blatantly autobiographical. This feels like it could be that. Poetry, to me is supposed to be universal and abstract, this feels blunt and just there, not at all poetry.

They have taken away

the most important thing

her life has ever had.

This sentence/stanza is not really telling me anything...I would combine it with the next one and reword it.

Friends,

Lovers,

and her life.

Life feels very repetitive here.

Death is knocking on the door,

and it is slowely opened.

I don't really feel like this is helping your poem, it kind of feels like it hurts it...

Why did they have to make the mistake,

and take away

the ones she loved?

Again, this just feels like talking. The second stanza was like this one, kind of...still, no real point to putting it in, in my opinion.

Now she is gone to the graves,

where no words are spoken,

and no one is loved.

I don't think I agree with the last line of this poem, either. When someone dies many people mourn for the love they had for the person, and how now they can't share in it. People never forget, they just move on.

All alone,

Cold,

Dark,

so alone.

This stanza just really feels like it isn't adding anything..

Now she is gone,

and my life is near its end.

The sudden addition of my is just...not doing anything and it's a little confusing, why did you suddenly add in the narator

Why did they have to take away,

the one's she loved?

Well, at least you have one current repitition.

Now we are both alone,

in the cold, darj earth

with no return.



All alone.

Darj, should obviously be dark. Slowely should be slowly.

And these last two stanza's just don't work for me. Again, the random adding in of my...just doesn't work. In my opinion, I would scrap this and work on something else, it needs some heavy editing...

Thanks for the review I will try to work more. I was just really bored and wanted to write. If you could relate to it, it might be better. I agree some things don't help it, but would it be any good if I took them out?

The title was very ... pedestrian.

I really only entered because, well, it diddnt have many reviews.

The content...diddnt really keep me.

The questioning nature tried to draw on some desparate, almost wandering feel that could be attained by it, but it wasnt very convincing.

As stated above, there were a few grammar and usage errors.

Keep it up, I hope to see more works from you as you progress.

Hello,

This poem is interesting, very interesting! In my opinion, in a way emo sounding. Unfortuantly, that feel ruins the idea of it all, changing a few phrases that make it sound harsh will prevent this!

Also, for your age, very good. I really admire the thought that has gone into this poem. But what I don't understand is what you want us to all say to you!

But please so continue writing, and when you have done so, visit my website www.emotionsrunfree.webs.com and send me some of your work, because this is the types of poems I read, but I write different types!

all wishes

Emily

Okay, I don't think it's stylistic and I'm surprised I'm the first to catch it, but you misspelled 'slowly,' twice. Dark is messed up as well. Don't worry about it though, everyone makes mistakes.

Anyway, ignoring some of your other more blatant comments, I believe all poetry has to be is a sincere form of expression. If you've done that then screw whatever anyone else thinks. TS Elliot wrote for himself, not his audiences, remember that.

Anyway, I would cut some phrases and words out to spice it up a bit. I liked the stanza about the scars taking away family and friends; that was good. Anyway, if you need help, feel free to ask.

-PaperMoon

There wasn't really anything in here that stood out to me and made it a really good poem, it seemed a bit cobbled together and not thought through completely.

Now she is gone,
and my life is near its end

that made it worse for me because it hadn't mentioned the narrator the whole way through and then suddenly they are introduced into the story. it doesn't fit in very well and i don't think that it worked.

All alone,
Cold,
Dark,
so alone.

i liked the repetition of alone in this stanza, that was good.

But this could really use a lot of work,
X

Thank y'all, and what did I comment that you didn't like? Oh and I did misspell that ah I will go back and fix it.

the poem is good but it doesn't really flow as well. the first stanza is odd. what do you mean by "she has scares on and wrists that slowly heal, and every time the heal she reopens them" i don't understand that one. but i think that the description is very good. but you always reffer to the people that took her away as they. who is they??

Hey!

This poem didn't really flow as well as I would have thought. The lines weren't thought out very well, and the whole poem itself didn't really make sense.

I understood about how the girl was going through depression and finally killed herself. The part with the narrator wasn't as straightforward. You added the narrator to quickly and suddenly, which didn't really fit in.

Good job! It needs a little work, but I'm sure you can figure it out.

zOe

Hey Flower!

I think this poem was good on the expression front, because it seems as if you've poured your thoughts into this. I have to say, it had a much better flow than your other poem.

To be honest, the theme is not absolutely eye catching. It's depressing; depression poems center on social life are/have become[ing] too, too common.

More often than not, I tell poets to give us a reason for the angst! I want to know the true, deep, down gut feelings that this character experiences.

On Stylistic fronts, I do like the fact that this was unrhymed and unstructured, because it did not restrict you as much, but I do feel that the structure could be cleaned up.

Keep writing, Flower!

June

Okay, Flower~Child, I think that, one, this poem is depressing. But, that's pretty self explanatory. And two, its repetitive. And three, it is sort of weird.
The word love and alone are repeated, a lot. And the same basic idea, that shes alone, is repeated in almost every stanza. It gets tiring.
The poem is weird because it is very hard to follow. The words are sort of thrown onto the paper, disoriented. Is the poem about a girl who loses the man she loves? But you use she a lot. Is the girl a lesbian? Is the main person a boy, and you wrote the wrong words? Did the main person lose a mother or sister? Make it more obvious.
Right now, its not clear, anything really. It could be better. The theme is also very old.
Sorry if I am being harsh. I don't really know how to critique "Nicely". I liked the first stanza the best. Nice work, concentrate more on crystal clearness and the way you arrange your words.
P.S- The title was bad. try a synonym of alone or Forgotten maybe.