I Am

I am


I am, yet what i am no one cares or knows

I am forsaken by my friends like a memory lost

I am the self consumer of my woes

I am fading from the world

I am slowly walking away

I need someone to help what i am

dogs wrote:I Am


I Am, yet what [s]i[/s] I am, none cares or knows.

I Am forsaken by my friends like a memory lost.

I Am the self consumer of my woes.

Hello. Again.

So, I was reading your poem, and it doesn't have as many errors that it had last time! Good job!

Um, you need a comma in the first line. You also need to capitalize that I.

I was wondering, if no one cares or knows about you, what happened to your friends??? If that made any sense.

I was also kind-of confused in the first line, where you said, "I am, yet what I am, none cares of knows." Is that yet really necessary ?

See ya.

zOe

Hi!

I like your poem, but it needs some work. You could use a bit of organizing. Is your first line the title or part of the poem? You spaced it out a lot from the other lines.

You don't need to capitalize the "am" in "I am". Just the I.

I Am, yet what i am none cares or knows

This line is a tad confusing. At first, there seemed to be a lot of different ways to read it but I think I know what you mean now. Definitely add a comma. Capitalize the second I. By none did you mean no one?

Hey dogs,

I agree with the reviewers above me; this could be a creative start, but it needs work. I would strongly suggest adding to this.

In the first line, you say that none cares-- I believe that's supposed to be no one, but I think you should tell us, specifically, what you are, so that we can understand you. When you write, it's your chance to say anything and everything.

The last line of this kind of falls flat. I think that here you should bring us to something more... exciting! Because, here, it's good, but then it's like, "Okay, you eat everything that brings you down." And it's not the most exciting closing.

SO! Add to this! Good luck, dogs!

June