Elusive

2 posts
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Gender Female
Points 3206
Reviews 32
not sure really if this is lyrics or poetry?
anyway, constructively criticise please x



I’ve got my own opinions,
But aint a get around girl,
Don’t want to spread myself around,
And just let myself unfurl.
Well, one minute you’re saying, oh, I esteem you for that,
And then the next you want to stop my dogmatic chat.
I’d rather be black and blue, before I make you a brew,
Before I get repressed, like a housewife depressed.
When I’m alone for just a second, you get worried and assume,
Think I’m musing and plotting, like I’m the next David Hume.
Why don’t you stand back and give me room to breathe,
Just cool down, down, cos you’re making me seethe.
I've got my own mind and it’s got its own role,
Do you feel it escaping, all that control?
Is it elusive? Do you hate it?
Am I slippin away, bit by bit?
Fuck this feminist malarkey,
That aint me, it’s just remarks, see?
I’m not fighting their cause,
I look out for me, where’s my applause?
I aint gonna stay in the corner, hide my bruises,
Like my mum did, where did that get her?
The copper came, but she didn’t say,
Let him get away, stay a saboteur.
It might have made me cynical, wary, on my guard,
At least I’m not unshielded, that way I won’t get scarred,
How did I draw this conclusion, and get here just from that,
I’ve learnt from him to stay defended, always ready for combat.
Am I overreacting?
Is it distracting?
Can’t you focus on your mind games?
Keep burnin me with your mouth flames?
Sorry I aint cooperating,
That I’ve got purpose, I’m innovating.
"When I listen to poetry and music, then I can live. You see, darling, the rest of the time it's just me. And that's not enough"- Educating Ritahttp://liveloveliterature.tumblr.com/




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1490
Reviews 14
I really like this.

I'm going to be entirely unconstructive, and for that my apologies - but I think this would sound absolutely GREAT over a beat.

I adore all the images, all the feelings, all the references. The rhymes for the most part are genius.

Applause and an encore.
He said, "Oh yes, you can. Just hold my hand. I think that that would help,"
so I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I think I'm cured. In fact, I'm sure. Thank you, stranger, for your therapeutic smile."



Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
— William James