We're So Blind

The eternity that is spent
By looking at the world
And feeling no forever
Even though we know there is
Seems too deep to know

And the lifetime that we use
Thinking about tomorrow
Uses up today
Until we're absolutely certain
That in fact, today is nothing at all

And while we're pondering our past
Digging for our meaning
It leaves us always searching
Unaware that the answers are around us
In the form of lingering senses

What do we do
To recognize
That as long as we search
We'll never find what has gone missing
As the truth is that it was never gone at all

But it is our nature
To keep looking for something
That is not there
And will never be
Because it is right here

We'll never admit to the fact that
We're always too busy to see
The hidden answers to our questions
And that underneath it's disguise
The solution is right behind us.

I really liked this. But, when I read it aloud it sounded awkward and to tightly fitted together. I don't know why...

Oh well, still. Very good to read.

Keep writing!

-Monday

**stares in shock** WOW! That was a really good poem!! Amazing job on this, I haven't read anything like that in a while...**slowly calms down enough to actually review this**
Nitpicks!

Until we're absolutely certain

That in fact, today is nothing at all

Comma before the "in" in the second line...

And that underneath it's disguise

The solution is right behind us.

The word is "its" in this context not "it's"
There are a few rhythm and punctuation errors in this. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to fix them...
Sorry this is a really bad review, but I couldn't find much else wrong with this poem and I absolutely adored the theme of this. Does a gold star make up for this really bad post/review?
fluteluvr77<3

Woah. Thren, this is wonderful. I loved it.

As the truth is, is that is was never gone at all

I have issues with this. I think it'd read better as: "And the truth is that it was never gone at all." Yeah. That's better, at least in my head.

And you didn't punctuate! I don't know if that's the style/angle/whatever you were going for, but it'd be a lot better with punctuation.

Woah. This critique sucks. Could it be that your poem is just too good? Yes. I'll let you believe that. Gold star.

Wow, good job! This was a really nice poem with a lot of meaning. Awesome. Yeah... pretty pathetic but I wouldn't change anything except for the double is.

Cheers, Checkmate.

that was very good, and very true.


And the lifetime that we use

Thinking about tomorrow

Uses up today

Until we're absolutely certain

That in fact, today is nothing at all



And while we're pondering our past

Digging for our meaning

It leaves us always searching

Unaware that the answers are around us

In the form of lingering senses

Those were probaly my favorite parts. If only more people realized how true this is. I hope this poem makes people think. Very well done.

Wow! Good job on this. It carries a message that everyone can relate to.
You should add some punctuation to make the poem flow better.


"The eternity that is spent

By looking at the world

And feeling no forever

Even though we know there is

Seems too deep to know"


This is my favourite stanza.

Overall, great work! Keep it up and keep writing! ^^

This poem was amazing. It was honest and true. I loved it's deepness and it flowed very well. The entire concept was great.

Favorite line~

And the lifetime that we use
Thinking about tomorrow
Uses up today
Until we're absolutely certain
That in fact, today is nothing at all

Beautiful job. I loved it.

I enjoyed this, very much so. I would tell you my favorite part, but I don't think I can pick just one. Blunt, and it flows semi-smoothly.

imagery is amazing

bit sounded a bit forced, but all together, its a very vivid set of lyrics

the thought behind it is mazing

Eva

XxXxX

That was amazing!!!! I thought it was very intemate with the feeling of true blindness in life. It was very deep and touching and I could really and truethfully feel the intensity as I ran down the list of ways that we are culturally and mentally and even sometimes physically sightless, crushed and damaged in every way knowingly possibe!!!!!!!

this was a beautiful poem that shows truth.
Good job

I don't know......hmm..... Okay I will tell you these



1) It was good and smart.

2) It did not like the fact that there was no rhyming.

3) It sounds a little bit strange because there is not have a beat here.

4) But I again I thought it was clever.

Your choice of words was very clear, it spoke to me.

Hmmm... it's nice, reassuring, to find talent in one as young as yourself. Granted skill and age are not connected by any more of a means past our minds, but given the climate of our society it does make one wonder.

You've already been told your poem is "good" so I'll try to digress from the cliche. The introspective nature of your poem, the simplicity of the question it asks in contrast to the raw complexity of its answer, is refreshing. I loved the first stanza, to me the light phrasing and seemingly ease of flow were inherent and quite well communicated. While I was reading it, I got more and more of a sense of a stream of consciousness emerging than anything. I liked that a lot. Review my poem, Bloom of the Rose, I'm curious as to your thoughts. Though it's not apparent in Bloom of the Rose, we have a curiously similar style of writing.

Anyway, kudos.



PaperMoon