Stand Still

At a stand still.
Just waiting.
For the judgment
What will you decide?
Yes, it took some time.
But we know better now

No longer blinded .
No longer deaf.
No longer stupid.
Finally... we understand.

We are breathing in unison.
We’ll fight for a second chance.
We are holding our brother’s hand.
Can’t you see… we’ve changed.
Aware now what it cost
To lose the one you love.
all to hate.
We are apologetic
For our mistakes

We are… together now.
We are… so unafraid.
With nothing left to lose.
We’ll fight to our deaths.


Listen to the silence.
The world stopped turning.
The clocks stopped ticking.
All else is mesmerized.
What will you decide?
In the past so wrong
But that time is gone

No longer blinded.
No longer deaf.
No longer stupid.
Finally... we understand.

Aware now what it cost
to lose the one you love
all to hate.
We are apologetic
For our mistakes.

This is really beautiful, though im still a little confused as to what it's about.... in the stanza
"Listen to the silence

The world stopped turning

The clocks stopped ticking

All else is mesmerized

What will you decide?

In the past so wrong

But that time is gone"

i would say..
"Listen to the silence
as the world stops turning,
the clocks stop ticking.. etc."


I would also really like to encourage you to use punctuation, because i think that though it's free vers poetrY
and doesn't seem like it needs it, it will really read more easily if you use punctuation... but like i said, i really
like it! keep up the good work!

Hey there Myrcei! I'm June! Welcome to YWS and nice to meet you! You have such a cool username =). Now, onto the review!


This is beautiful. I mean, extremely beautiful; it's perfect.

Like music*potato said, punctuation would do this poem good. It's not entirely necessary, but it would make this easier to read, and flow just a little bit more. With or without it, it's beautiful.

There really isn't much to say here-- you did a really, really good job. I love the together-but-lonely style you have here.

Also! One little nitpick:

We are… we are together now

We are…we are so unafraid

With nothing left to lose

We’ll fight to our deaths

Why the use of ellipsis and repetition of "we are"? Do you really need it? What is it adding to the poem, and what is it taking away if you remove it?


On the whole, it was a great poem. It's simplistic, but it holds a meaning behind it-- great job.


10/10

June