Save us by the bell

Deleted

i liked it=]

the only problem i had was in the following stanza:

And what would be there forever,

to inspire us to leave our din,

if the peace that sings cappella

is destined never to begin?

was "din" supposed to be dinner or noise? to avoid confusion, try using a different word.


keep it up,
B.S

It's noise. If I change it I'll need to change the whole rhyme scheme of that stanza. Hmmmmmm.

This blew me away! I am completly amazed by this incredible piece of poetry!
I love every single part and i don't think there is much of anything that you should change!
This is the best poetry that i have found on this site.
I love the subject,
the use of vocabulary,
the way you framed the questions,
and the obvious flow that goes along with it.
I think that you have a good chance of going far with your writing.
PLEASE submit this to the River of Words or something like that.
I hope to see more of you in the future!

i love this like crazily!!!!! it's great! i love how it flows, i love the subject i love everything about it! it also sounds like you know alot about music.. though i adore music, im not very intelligent in that subject. this poem is actually a lot like music. the cadance of the words just rolls off the toung in such a satisfying way! i think a few of the lines are a little sketchy but it is absolutely amazing!!!!!!!!!

This is great!!Loved the poem a lot.But I am confused about the second stanza.But over all it was brilliant.Best poem I've read so far in YWS.I really liked the third stanza-
And what of the soldier that sang,
on the battle field of Christmas eve,
to pause the sound of gunshots,
if no gospels gave him leave.

I would say this is the best part of the poetry.

I'd like to read more of your work.

This is great!!Loved the poem a lot.But I am confused about the second stanza.But over all it was brilliant.Best poem I've read so far in YWS.I really liked the third stanza-
And what of the soldier that sang,
on the battle field of Christmas eve,
to pause the sound of gunshots,
if no gospels gave him leave.

I would say this is the best part of the poetry.

I'd like to read more of your work.

I do agree with everyone else that the second stanza needs a little work, but overall i found the poem to be great. My favorite stanza was definitely the first one: "What would the world be without

a musical track to play?

We'd all be cast in darkness,

that is a soundless day." I related to it and it made me want to read the rest of the poem. good job!

Very good job.

Bravisimo!

Gosh, this is beautiful! I really am speechless. I mean, I felt the emotion behind this and I'm glad that this was randomly floating around and I randomly decided to read it.

Favorite Stanza:

And what of the soldier that sang,
on the battlefield of Christmas eve,
to pause the sound of gunshots,
if no gospels gave him leave.

Truthly, this whole thing is my favorite but I don't want to quote the entire poem.

*Clicks gold star *

Ta,

~Angel

Heyy,
This poem was really good and I loved the theme of everything...Like the other reviews, I have to say that the 2nd stanza needs a little work...Overall, it was excellent...I would advice you to define couloir as well as din and capella. The rhyme scheme was really good and the rhythm was excellent as well! This is one of the few poems that I had little nitpicks with, so gold star for you!
fluteluvr77<3

This was so good. All of your poems=amazing. You described music lovely like. I love it.

Favorite part~
Would it make the world a chasm,
and the universe a steep couloir?
Would heaven drown in sorrow,
if the arias played no more?

I love your word choice too. I had to really search for the meanings to some of them.