Random Thoughts With a Bit of Truth

If the world were like an apple,
I would be a plum.

The sea would float inside me,
I would beat it like a drum.

The blissful children are dancing
High upon the wagon wheels
And far beneath the sun

The minute I set eyes on you,
I knew the world was round

'Cuz if the world were like a square,
Wouldn't that be dumb?




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I need a different line than "The blissful children are dancing" I made it up in my head one day on a spark of imagination but I forgot that line. Any good ideas??

This won't be a crit, seeing as how I've no idea what you're trying to say. But this is one of the loveliest things I've ever read. The rhythm is perfect, excepting that three-lined stanza. It throws it off. I love the images.

rachel

HEY ROSE! i have this in my journal from when you first wrote it!
it was a little different then! what do you mean by it?
I think instead of "The blissful children are dancing", you could say "The brawny bears are dancing"?
i don't know.
My writings crap...
LOVE YOU!
SEE YOU TOMARROW!