In the Light Of.

The gates of triumph are open,
The years of toil are done;
The clouds of doubt have parted,
To clear the way of the sun.

The way of the future calls to us,
Yesterday's journey is done;
The songs of hope are echoing,
To welcome the rays of the sun.

The promise of life is before us,
The turmoil, the chaos, is done;
The angels are coming from heaven,
To open the gates to the sun.

Tomorrow's waves have reached us,
Yesterday's trouble is done;
Our weary limbs and life shall rest
In the light of the rising sun.

this is really interesting. I didn't find anything wrong with it.

a new tittle could be "In Light Of", just a thought

~guitargrl~

Hi! I liked reading this. It had a nice, archetypal feel, like the happiness at the end of Lord of the Rings or something.

My problem with it is that it is really static. Nothing changes in the poem. Each stanza seems pretty much the same to me. I think the lines could get all swapped around, and as long as the rhyming lines were put in the right places, this would make sense. You are really good at creating strong images, but the images don't really go anywhere.

I think this poem could be a lot stronger if there was some sort of change. Like perhaps the first two stanzas could be about the years of turmoil and toil and the journeys of yesterday. Then you could have a sort of climax, where things change, the gates of triumph open, and the last stanza could focus on the light of the rising sun. This would make your poem more dynamic, but I'm not even sure if that's what you wanted to express. Maybe you want to express it just the way you did.

I hope I wasn't too harsh. I only crit things I like, though, so I hope you don't feel beat up!

I'd like to read some more from you. : )

rachel

MARAMING SALAMAT. ( That means thank you very much in Filipino.XD)

Thank you to the title suggestion. I like it but as of the moment, I have no time to edit. School begins tomorrow you see and I shall soon drown in school work so before I lose time. Thank you for the reviews.

This was great! It was very interesting and flows very nicely, and I can't see anything wrong with it!
Keep this up, I would love to read more from you!:D

- Prospekt

I loved your rhythm. God, I wish my poetry had rhythm like that. I suck at rhythm. I agree with nixonblitzen that nothing really changed in your poem, and it didn't really seem to be going anywhere. There was strong imagery, but what do those images have to do with anything? I think you could have just elaborated and, I dunno, gone more in depth, I guess?
There's really not much more that can be said about this poem, because it was a really good poem. Just remember: elaborate and add details.

Hi there!
I really liked this!
Everyone else has pointed out the points in need of revision, so i have nothing else to say...
Just wanted to leave my opinion since I liked it so much I gave it a gold star
Keep writing!