Chrysalis

She cupped the wriggling larvae in her palms
and whispered her plea,
her words as frail as spider silk:

You and I have butterfly dreams.
Teach me how to metamorphose.

She had been suffocated for far too long,
her cellophane skin like a drab chrysalis.
It was high time she wriggled free,
Learned to ride the breeze on delicate painted wings.

Exquisite piece. I really loved the line about "her cellophane skin". I don't know if that's classified as a metaphor or what but it sounds beautiful.

The only thing I didn't like was the use of the word grub in the first line. I think that particular moniker gives us the wrong image, but I could be wrong.

Thank you! ^_^

Edit: I was thinking of perhaps revising the last line, changing it so something like this:

Made the first tentative flutter of fragile painted wings.

I think it sounds a bit less cliche than what I have there now? Opinions?

Gr. Poems. Anyway...

her words as frail as spider silk:

Whoo-hoo!! Go similes!

Learned to ride the breeze on delicate painted wings.

I like the end to this poem, but, in my opinion, it's a word to long. Maybe if you got rid of "delicate," or "painted," it would be better. Although, you don't have to change it if you want to.

~ OVERALL:

I liked it. Every line exclaims "I'm a poem! Hear me roar!" Weird analogy, but I'm trying to say that it really poetic, and really pretty. The smilies you used were spectacular - my english class has taught me to appreciate literary devices.

The fact that you were speaking about a larvae is just so simple, yet so nice and easy to read about. The poem really spoke out - and it wasn't one of those crappy non-rhyme poems either, where you're pretty much telling a story that's choppy and annoying.

Yeah. I'm in middle school and out literary magazine just got published, and it's teeming with poems from 6th - 8th graders with poems exactly like that. Onto the topic...

As I said above, I liked it a lot. There wasn't much critiquing because there wasn't much to critique (it was also a relatively short poem). There was almost no imperfections, poetic-wise and grammar-wise.

~*Sara*~

You and I have butterfly dreams.

Teach me how to metamorphose. ( this line seems to interupt the flow of the poem)

as its a imperative, where as the rest of the poem is more floaty and soft. I think you should change it to something which continues the flow better like 'show me how to metamorphose.'

She[s] had been[/s] suffocated for far too long,

her cellophane skin [s]like[/s] was a drab chrysalis. (was would be stronger as cellophane skin was a metaphor and joining it with a fellow metaphor would be stronger)
It was high time she wriggled free,

Learned to ride the breeze on delicate painted wings.

I liked the line as it is as its a light and ties up poem neatly.

Overall I liked the poem as it seems like a simple poem, that was used imagary in a tidy way, and yet espresses the ideas.

-Flora